UnNews:U.S. corners Palestine rubble futures market
4 June 2015
SAFED, Palestine -- U.S. President Barack Obama signed an agreement with Palestinean President Mahmoud Abbas today to trade in the processing of the region's urban rubble, having failed to reach any agreement to stop creating it.
The so-called Trans-Palestinian Partnership will gradually phase out tariffs, duties, inspections, and the role of the U.S. Congress in the movement of Grade A broken concrete blocks across national boundaries.
It was non-alcoholic beverages and mild gratitude to Allah as Mr. Abbas and Mr. Obama publically declared that a Palestine/US economic future "is buried firmly in the trenchant rubble that plagues our streets."
In a candid interview on Israel TV, Mr. Obama said he has thrown in the towel on a peace agreement between Israel and a Palestinian state, as he could hardly get his head around the Wikipedia entry, let alone reason with Abbas. Mr. Obama said at least all parties were better off with a financial agreement in the raw-materials sector.
The employment rate in Palestine also increased by 0.6%, as tens of Palestinians rushed to join the President's new "Palestinian Rubble Liberation Union (PRLU)". At the same time, a "Fatah Debris and General Workers Union" was formed to protect the PRLU Union members from the PRLU, and a "Hamas Union of Fragments" to protect the already established Islamic Rubble Movement. Both are negotiating to have a combined Palestinian Unity Union, which is expected to fail in July.
"I like the idea of warring unions to keep things tribal. We do have a lot of ambient rubble, and it'd be nice to make a few shekels." said Jaspreet al-Hazi, a partially sighted 78-year-old wearing new PRLU desert combats. "There is plenty more rubble to be made too," he concluded, cocking his AK-47.
Mr. Obama said the United States is striking a similar deal with Israel for their rubble, in partnership with French telecom company Orange. Orange is planning a withdrawal from the country before the next attempt at a peace process is rolled out. France's turn at this is in September.
- Patrick Martin "Obama holds little hope for Israel-Palestine peace during final term". The Global Mail, June 05, 2015