UnNews:Virus Attacks Cruise Ship

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26 February 2008

ms Ryndam

SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA – Dozens of people were held hostage aboard the Holland America (HA) cruise ship “ms Ryndam” early Monday morning, when a heavily-armed virus, accompanied by several bacteria and a caustic molecule, stormed the deck and demanded hosts. When passengers refused, the virus and his cohorts opened fire and forcefully locked more than one hundred of them in their rooms. “We didn’t know what was going on in there”, remarked one terrified passenger. “We just heard vomiting and the sound of toilets flushing all day”.

“We don’t know how the virus got onboard”, acknowledged Sam Sheldon, head of security for HA, “but they’re usually brought on by a passenger, so we are investigating that avenue”.

This is the fourth time this has occurred on the ms Ryndam in the past year. “They’re getting increasingly bold in their tactics and demands!” admitted the ship’s captain Abel Janszoon Tasman. “We’re at a loss for what to do.”

Some ships have taken to installing high-tech security and at least one ship, in an all-out attempt, decided to install anti-virus software on its navigation computers, in hopes of staving off a full-on hijacking. “If they get a hold of the entire ship, who knows where they may take it – and us with it”, remarked another captain for HA, who declined to be named. “Viruses are dangerous and frankly, we’re not doing enough to protect ourselves”.

The standoff Monday ended when the people, somewhat shakily, exited their rooms, with no trace of the virus or his cohorts. “They’re still at large”, admitted Sheldon. “God help the next cruise”.