UnNews:Wanted at Uncyclopedia: Women

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29 January 2011

Women can be funny too, and sometimes riveting.

DAVOS, Switzerland -- Browsing Uncyclopedia online, readers can’t help but feel they’re almost always reading articles written by straight or gay men. And it turns out, there’s good reason for it.

According to Uncyclopedia executives, women have never made up more than 1.7% of total registered users. Now there are proposals for a quota for female users at this year’s summit. Beginning in mid-2011, one in five Uncyclopedia users would have to be female, or 20% overall.

Still, there has never been a quota that didn’t have a long trail of strong opinion floating behind it, and this one is no exception. As one Uncyclopedian asked: “Why does gender still count in 2011? Why don’t we talk about how qualified a person is to be a comedian. Gender is not an issue any more. Anyone can do anything with tenacity. Especially in Uncyclopedia, where men and women alike need to be tenacious just to have an article survive piranha-like VFD junkies.”

To the suspicious, quotas suggest we are not equal and can’t exercise free will. They suggest there are evil forces at work, even though we can’t quite see them through the haze of Uncyclopedia parody.

Registered User (and yes, female) Cynthia Good of Dimpled Fatties Dot Com, an online resource for over-weight prostitutes, says the Uncyclopedia quota flap is a symptom of something very real and pressing in the cyber world. She comes ready with statistics that are truly shocking: Women hold less than 3% of Fortune 500 CEO jobs, 5.7% of corporate board seats, and only 98.6% of all prostitution positions.

This is despite recent data such as the Uncyclopedia survey parody that finds promoting women is good fun. Having more women as registered users could deliver a 19% higher production of humorous stories. Having more women could also help repair Uncyclopedia’s reputation as a “gay paradise.”

“More effort must be made to ensure diversity at Uncyclopedia,” says Good. “You have to begin somewhere – even if it means starting at rock bottom.”