ADOPTEES: Feel free to contact any available person on this list, but do so one at a time. We don't want any custody battles just because you gave your name to everyone on the list, and they all answered with a resounding YES. Patience.
We even have a wonderful
ignorable color-coded system to help you out. Red means the adopter is not around. Green means the adopter is around. Gold means the adopter is an admin, dark green means the adopter is a penis, and blue mean the adopter likes cheesecake.
Got time to kill? Did your plant die and you're too cheap to buy a dog? PWN a n00b today for fun and profit, or lack of anything better to do.
If you'd like to help new users to "succeed" here (whatever that means to you), by providing mentorship, sign up here. Just a few things to keep in mind:
- Adopters should be available often to help their adoptees.
- Adopters should have a minimum of 500 edits.
- Adopters should not have any recent blocks (last 6 months) or vandalism (last 3 months).
- Adopters should not be current adoptees.
Relatively active adopters
|Adopter||Admin?||Accepting adoptees||Activity||On Uncyclopedia / Notes|
|Template:U||No. Wait, wha???||One at a time ladies.||I'm usually here physically, if not mentally.||Well let's see... I've been here for about seven years now, written 50 featured articles and have totally overcome my compulsive lying disorder. I want a young warrior to train in the ways of the samurai, someone who will ultimately replace me and rule over everything you see before you. Leave a message here if you think you can handle that.|
|Template:U||Aye.||Yes indeed.||I'm here most days.||I've been here for many, many moons. Or three years, depending on which hideous aberration of the truth you wish to believe. I've done a little bit of this, that and the other but it has left me feeling hugely unfulfilled and desperate for validation of some kind. I'm looking for a fun loving new user who likes long periods sat at a computer, for laughs, tears and maybe more.
You can leave me a message on my talk page, you know you want to.
|Template:U||Nope. If I was, I wouldn't tell you, anyways. Element of surprise and such.||Go for it, man. I'll buy you cigarettes, beer, and rolling papers, plus I'll let you stay out late.||I'm always here.||I do a bit of maintenance, a bit of voting. Most of my writing is done off-site, but I have a feature under my belt.
There goes the neighborhood.
||sure why not?||I am on
||I do not write many articles, but I am happy to help those trying and offer advice. I mainly work behind the scenes and do the stuff you probably don't want to do. I own you therefore!
Contact me on my talk page.
|Template:U||Wish I was after a number of years, but no, I am not and never will be admin.||Accepting anyone. Black, White, Asian, who cares?||Available on weekends, holidays, or any day in particular. Send me a message, and 50% of the time I answer.||I wrote several articles over the past three years, did a bit of VFH and IC, and still writing articles, mostly on userspace so that when it is complete, it's moved. I do Pee Review and I plan to write my magnum opus.
|Oliphaunte||My compulsive nature of adding the word 'ladies' to the end of my sentences has deemed me by the admins as a harrasment liability, as well as a sexual threat...ladies.||Like pancakes, the more the better. Also, bring pancakes.||Usually here when not fighting crime in the hard streets of Gotham. If you need me, just leave a message on my talk-page, or turn the light beacon on. Either way, I'll swoop in to save you.||Couple of features or something. Do a lot of pee reviews, some edits, voting etc. Just waiting for the day when I realize all the hours I waste on here could be better spent doing something useful, like finishing that cold-fusion reactor that is just beta decaying in my basement. Someday, you'll realize it too, you'll see. You'll all see.
In the meantime though, feel free to ask me to adopt you. I'll be accepting new requests for as long as until the admins realize I put my name on here and shut me down.
|Template:U||Oh you're funny!||Nope, I've already got three (whoa, how did that happen?).||All the time!||I've been here for a little over a year, now. To find out the real length of time go here and do a bit of math. Anyway, I've written some awesome articles, a certain number of which have been featured (go to my userpage and count the templates). I've don some other |
|Mattsnow||No, no adminship for me, I write and help people rather than playing the Nazi Overlord.||Oh, yes, I like to help new users!||I log in everyday, being hooked on this website is better than being hooked on crack I guess.||I authored some good articles, I also like to do collaborative work on articles from time to time. I take care of the recent UnNews in a pretty mellow fashion since I am a pretty mellow guy, and I think the perfect n00b for me would be someone who is a beginner or average at formatting, but would want to learn the ropes as far as writing is concerned.
I'll be very happy to help you out on your journey on Uncyclopedia! If you want to read a nice one I wrote before making your choice, here it is: Heaven's Gate. Feel free to contact me, I bite only when rude people tickle me behind the ears! Since I'm always on top-secret missions, our rendez-vous point would be right here behind the abandoned wooden shed. The password is: "Conspiracy kook".
|Mhaille||Maybe||Pick up the phone, I'm always home. Call me any time.||Around||In a round about way this crazy page was actually my idea. Fairly decent record with featured images and articles, I consider myself pretty n00b-friendly.
Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap.
|Template:U||Ahhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah right! Haahahahahaha! ME...ADMIN!?!?!?!? Lots of work, no thanks.||I adopted 35 ethiopinan orphans, but none here.||I write stuff people dont understand. I write more stuff on pages behind the scene that seems like its own language. I write stuff in forums that add a fourth dimention to cognitive incomprehension. But yet...some how people respond. Hmm.||Drop me a line here Im always happy to help/interact with people with questions or anyone who needs constructive criticism or ideas or how to figure out stuff here. I write, do stuff, and write stuff and do stuff. I avoid not doing things and I particularly try hard not to not write. Your head hangs in the balance.|
|Template:U||Nope||Currently Accepting||I have a fair bit of time on my hands - UK time, I'm from the land of rain and kilts.||I do some stuff around here, I've a few features now and many of the major awards. I'm generally considered a positive presence on the site.
Hope I'll be able to help:-)
|Template:U||Yes.||Take a chance take a chance take a chance on me!||Always on
I do lots of stuff when lots of stuff is available to be done. Recently, there's really been nothing to do. So I guess I do nothing. Especially not Pee Reviews.
|I only adopt users who are better than me.|
|Template:U||Yes.||Willing to accept new adoptees.||I'm on here way more than I should be.||I'm around a lot. I write, revert vandalism, clean up pages, vote on VFH and VFD. I've won a couple of awards and have written some featured articles. Drop by my talkpage if you're interested.|
|Template:U||lolno||I'll do some adopting.||I'm around from like 8 in the morning til' 3 in the afternoon EST on weekdays.||No features (yet), but I've had nominations and stuff. I also made a game in UnGames.|
Inactive/missing/ineligible adopters (click to show)
|Adopter||Admin?||Accepting adoptees||Activity||On Uncyclopedia / Notes|
|Template:U||You don't want an admin. They just spend their whole time talking about rollback and checkuser and bansticks. What you want is a cool young anarchist like me!||Around, but I do have a tendency to disappear.||I've been a contributor for a while now, and written literally several articles (including a few features and a Poo Lit Surprise winner - for which I got $20 and "respect" so I've decided to give something back to the community I've |
1 Space available.
|Template:U||Naw, admins tend to not be to fond of me. Unless they're nice. Then they love me.||1 successful graduate. Open for new arrivals.
||MIA||Hmm... Well, I am loved by many. I've written a few articles, including AFI and Thin Mints. I am the founder, leader, and only member of the Italian Uncyclopedian movement. I've created my own controversial version of the sandbox. I am an amazing user because of Leprechaun (featured) and HowTo:Get Over Jenny, the #1 article of April '09 and possibly the greatest thing ever written.
I've had one graduated adoptee, Template:U. Ask him about me, and if he says something bad, he's lying.
|Electrified mocha chinchilla||Yes.||I'll teach you how to hunt and fish and enjoy NASCAR.||Single and horny.||I like long walks on the beach and sitting in my living room on a rainy Sunday with a vat of frozen yogurt. Does that make me gay?
Free consultation! No up-front charges! No interest until 2002!
|Ethine||No, but they keep sexually harassing me.||MIA||I'm always around! If recent changes is flooded, it's almost certainly my fault.||I mostly categorize things and welcome folks, but I also revert the edits made by mass-marketing specialists! I'm super friendly and have been around for a really really long time! I was chick of the month in June, and am also affiliated UnSkype!
Always accepting new adoptees! You can find me on my talk page or on IRC!
|Template:U||I've had so many in me that I practically am one||Well, I can't have any of my own||MIA||Initially adopted by THE, Commander of the Order, one (aww, only one?) featured article, a few nominations for RotM, PEEING member, FotM creator, TYATU star (so what if it was one line! It's on my CV nonetheless) oh, and I recently had a few-month absence, so I feel a little redundant. Go on, ask to be adopted, I want to give something back!
See my talk page... and not just for adoption, if you get what I mean, wink wink, nudge nudge,
|Template:U||No Spank you!||Anyone||I am on every weekday.||I have mostly Reverted vandalism, unblanking pages, Ban Patrol and QVFD are in my bookmarks bar. No pages made, and I plan to keep it like that. Proofreading and maintenance all the way, but if you make an article I will contribute to it. 500+ edits. ans me Here|
|Gert5||O-NAAAAY||Sign up now and get* $5||MIA||Made a bunch of templates. A few in public, which was embarassing. Type alot better than n00bins. 158 articles, most of them died, but I still have 48 articles. No Featured Articles. Why do people have so many of those things anyway and I have none? Have done about 3000 contributions. And 120 images and counting. *-Mongolia Only
I'm also good at not eating!! Hey?
|Template:U||Yes||Policy issues and mediation only||Infrequent, at best||I've been an admin here since late 2005 and a user for even longer, making me a bit of an old hat by now. My primary activities on Uncyclopedia involve deleting lots and lots of bad material and trying to improve the systems/community of Uncyclopedia. Further information may be found on my user page.
Not accepting adoptees but will answer policy questions and mediate disputes
|Template:U||I admin' to nothing!!!||Ah, well now...
I suppose I'd like the occasional response-ability.
|A short list of UnProjects: Unlegal / Unproof / IC / The contest of the week / Guerrilla Editing and stuff & junk.||Happily I've written < a few articles and edited a boatload of the written word. (Plus I leave |
Your best bet is to ask someone smarter than me for hlep, and then ask on my Template:Ta because I'll be happy to swing by and offer my opinion. Oh, and if you're crazy enough to outright pick me over these other fine folks I will surely adopt you until we can place you in a suitable home.
|Template:U||No, but one of them gives me candy.||I suppose I could take you, but don't expect me to be on at all times.||On, a lot. Not always contributing, though.||I was adopted by User:Why do I need to provide this? and I won NOTM in February 2010 and UOTM in June 2010. I do a lot of maintenance and try to help out as much as I can. You'll probably see me all over recent changes. As for articles...let's not talk about that. I'm a grammar Nazi and I tend to be on at night, although I may do a couple of edit sweeps in mid-afternoon. (Eastern U.S time) I know how it feels to be new. Look for me on my talk page. Watch out for Orian57 on there. I also have rollback, so somebody must think I'm useful in some way.|
|Template:U||If I was, Uncyclopedia would be under a dictatorship. Until then, I'm just an ordinary user, for now. ;)||Hell yeah, one availible spot.||Active||I been around for about a year. I won a Author of the Month Award in June 2009 and a Feature, and I'm the founder of the U.F.B.I.. I'm typically a nice guy, unless you do something that makes me bring my unholy wrath on you, which results in a punishment that lasts for 333 years. I also give free cookies.|
|Template:U||HAHAHA...Oh, you were serious?||My last noob died. So I'm available. One of those good news/bad news deals.||MIA||I've done a few things. Not saying if they are good or bad, just that I've done a few things. I'm looking for someone who |
|Ljlego||Yup||Yessiree||I'm back||I have made my mark, whatever that means to you. Put it this way, I write articles, some of which are good. I have 22.5 features as of yet. I try to help out with maintenance, and you can ask me generally anything about code. If I don't know, then I'll totally spork it from someone who does and take credit. My first graduate is Template:U, and he's a good guy.
I adopt because I too was a n00b once. I like to help people. Ask away! I'll say four kids, with one slot currently free.
|Template:U||Er... no. *shifty eyes*||I think a better question would be if adoptees would really accept me...||Oh, I'm around. Except when I wander off, of course, but I usually wander back afterwards.||My writing's rubbish, my edits are uniformly atrocious, my votes are worthless, and m<y presence is nothing short of derogatory. I also smell like a dead horse. But I do have a giant wooden spoon, which apparently makes up for everything.
I mean, er... I'm a nice, helpful person who's friendly and productive and generally makes tidy the place, of course I am, and I'd make a lovely adopter, of course I would. *shifty eyes*
Eh, just drop by my hut if you like madness. We can sort out realities later.
|Template:U||I've pissed more admins off here then most users that survive the cut between users and vandals, and if I asked for them to let me be one, they'd probably say no.||Plenty of room for everyone.||MIA||I've been around for over 2 years, so I've got quite a bit of experience. Took a while off in late '09 and have been strong here ever since. I'm the current leader of the Grue Army, and I always want my n00bs to join, as they can get some experience for later, preventing them from easily getting pissed off and leaving. I run the Merc Squadron War Surplus Store, which allows the various |
|Template:U||Yes, all part of the master plan to take over the world||MIA||MIA||Been around for a while now, like writing on main namespace, Unnews and some audio bits as well. Got some awards and features. Also like keeping the place clean and friendly. Like my flat. Strike that. My flat is a bloody mess.
One space still available, get it while it's still hot! NEW MATTRESS CLEANER THAN TOM'S!!!
|Template:U||Yes||If you have a few good contributions under your belt, and intend to be around a while, I'm all yours.||He's back, baby!||I have been around since November 2007 and have some idea of what's going on... Feel free to contact me via my talk page if you're interested in adoption.|
|Template:U||What's an admin?||There can only be two sith at a time. Heaven help you, Stumbo.||I'm going on vacation for a long long time.||I've been an off and on contributor since 2006. I've had over 10 featured articles and won a PLS. I mesh well with laid back loosey goosey types and can teach you absurdism.|
|Template:U||I have a happy life, so no.||Let's meet up round the back of the bike sheds. Girls only. Okay fine, equal opportunities.||I'm usually around, but I have absences weekly. Give me your commitment to Uncyc, and I will do the same for you.||I remember editing as an IP in mid-2005, which makes my experience extensible, however I haven't actually visited or contributed to the site as much as I know I can (five features, but not many articles overall).
Never adopted anyone before. I know how to write with considerable skill (writing is my primary skill) and how to apply decent humour in the right place. I have worked with other users to create a featured article and numerous featured images. I have written enough PEE reviews to know what others may be doing right or wrong.
|Template:U||No. Thank goodness.||We make sacred pact. I promise teach Uncyclopedia to you, you promise learn. I say, you do, no questions.||I'm on daily.||Eleven FAs and a WotM. Been here since '07. An old-timer (kinda), but the kind of old-timer that inspires respect, not the kind that inspires behind-the-back laughter.|
|Template:U||No||Willing to adopt||MIA||Writer of nine featured articles (see UN:HS) and currently nominated for WotM. Winner of RotM Back in July 08 and so willing to help with getting to know PEEING. Also on the welcomming committee. I think I have a pretty good idea of what I'm doing around here and would be happy to help. I am British. 19:57, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
Contact me on my talk page if you desire adoption.
|Template:U||Nah.||Looking for a good time||I spend a lot of time on Uncyclopedia, so you'll probably see me around a lot.||I've written some above-average articles and I'm okay at coding and stuff. I can definitely help you be a better writer, though. (Psst! By the way, everyone else on this list is GAY.)
Feel free to stop by my talk page
|Template:U||Pish Posh||Not right now.||Active.||Been here for 4 years; admin for 3; writer of 11 features; winner of several semi-prestigious awards; too lazy to adopt anybody right now.|
|Template:U||Nah.||Sword Sharpening Serviced Here||MIA||I've been here for a long time, I can answer most anything, and if I don't know the answer I know who or where to get it. I need to get more involved anyway, I took a long break. I live in Germany and if you need info for articles or ideas, let me know. I lurk sometimes in IRC.
Adopting sounds like lalalalalalalalalalalla
|Template:U||Nope.||We'll see...try not to be too immature||I'm around once in awhile||Go to my user page, and if that gives you the idea I might be able to help, drop me a line.
Been here since summer '06.
|Template:U||Haha, no.||I'm new to this Adopt a n00b thing, I'll take one right now and see where it goes from there.||I'm accepting one noob at the moment.||I was never adopted, I basically figured out stuff on my own, but I'm very willing to pass on my knowledge to others. I've been voted Reviewer of the Month, had articles featured, and generally contribute in any way I can around here. I also founded Uncyclopedia's resident fraternity, Upsilon Sigma Sigma. I have a basic knowledge of html and source code, but generally I can do anything if I can see similar code. You'll see my signature as a variation of User:Skinfan13/sig4, if you're interested, just leave me a message on my talk page.|
|Template:U||Not yet, anyway||I'm currently not involved much with the Uncyclopedian community.||Always on the internet, but rarely on Uncyclopedia for more than a couple minutes per day||I've been here since December 24th, 2006. Since then, I have written a couple of articles (just one featured), reverted a lot of vandalism, helped found the Grue Army, and spent several hours on IRC helping people out. I know a lot about templates, wikicode, and many other technical aspects of this wiki. Having been a reformed vandal, I am willing to help vandals stop their evil ways and do good.
Prefers to use IRC over talk pages and forums.
|Template:U||HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA... no.||Yeah sure, just ask me on my talk page.||Usually here at least once a day editing something here, reviewing something there, or reverting something else.||I've been around for a short while and written quite a few articles, got two of them featured so far and am striving to get the rest up there. I frequently steal and dissect code from other people's pages to make sure I know how it works, and generally have figured quite a bit of stuff out by doing so. Join me, and I can make you a star! Well, maybe a triangle or a square... Or a rhombus...|
|Template:U||Was nominated one time, but I didnt get much support because of all the nominees.||Sure why not||Here and starting to come around more||I've been here for sence mid April of 2007. I've writen a few articles, 1 featured. I'm more of a behind the scenes guy. I know almost everything about how this place works. I'm on usually for most of the day and open to questions or comments
Caution, my userpage is a man in a penis suit. Do not be afraid. It doesn't bite... Much...
|Template:U||lolno. Wait....||Weeeeellllllllll... maybe just one more...||MIA||I've been around the site since April of '07, and actually graduated from Template:U via AAN. I've been pretty active around the uncyc, and I've written a bunch of featured pages and won a couple of awards. In short, I'm pretty much the man. In fact, my mattress is a Tempur-Pedic, and puts Tom's and Mordillo's to shame. Talk to me here.
If you can pull the sword from this stone, you are the true n00b that I must adopt. Or, perhaps not. Worth a try, right?
|Template:U||No (I just play one on TV)||Applications are not being accepted!*
* - with $45 application fee and cost of shipping
|MIA||I write. A lot. I'm also quite pompous, and find it hilarious. If you are an intelligent person, fluent in the arts of subtlety and subtextual humor, I'd suggest contacting me. If you do not possess these qualities, consider yourself part of the problem (and definitely do not contact me).
You're gunna like the way you look. I guarantee it.
|Template:U||Yes||Not Accepting.||On vacation until August.||I've have won awards for my writing, editing, music, and voice work here. Browse my user page for further details on my contributions.
1 space available.
|Template:U||Heavens, no.||All kinds of open.||School's on. Sorry.||I try to write when I can, but school gets in the way during the semester. Only one year left though. Won Noob of the Month ages ago, and Author of the Month twice. A few features. I mostly write to amuse myself. I'm willing to help anyone with writing, site maintainence, learning the ins and outs, and whatever else. I'm pretty chill. Contact me on my talk page if you want help.
I can take some. Break your nose like this and you get a little something special.
|Why do I need to provide this?||Admin? No way! I'm Buccaneer Admiral!||Sorry, the bed I had available has dirty sheets, and I hate changing sheets.||No longer here almost every day.||I was adopted by a Dame who in turn had been adopted, and I was Noob of the Month. I adopted the Noob of the Month for both November 2009 and February 2010.|
I was named RotM, UGOTM, UotM, and NOM, got my first three articles here featured (1, 2, 3), and led the featured colonization of two articles. I know basic coding but am not an expert, and some lesbian said I look good in a dress.
|Template:U||How dare you insinuate that! I most certainly am not an admin!||Yeh, maybe one. If you're good and can cook.||Fairly frequent user, at least for the next few months.||Apparently I've done some stuff but I wouldn't believe everything you hear. I routinely do things no one cares about. So why wouldn't you want to be associated with me? I make very nice cookies! You want to slob around Uncyclopedia eating cookies, don't you? Oh and I come from El Britannia.
Millions of spaces available NOW WITH ADDED COOKIES!