August 1: Independence Day (Switzerland), Swiss Cheese Day (Everywhere Else)
- 1844 - The FBI executes a sting operation intended to disrupt turnip trafficking, apprehending turnip kingpin Baldrick (pictured).
- 1910 - Los Angeles suffers it first drive-by shooting from a car, a Ford Model T. However, the culprit is quickly apprehended by LAPD, who were chasing on foot.
- 1919 - The people of Zimbabwe elect their first Lord High Bison.
- 1923 - Calvin Klein proclaims himself Emperor of Cologne, Germania.
- 1957 - Rod Serling is ticketed in the Middle Ground between Light and Shadow for driving Noon in a Twilight Zone.
- 1979 - Australia's first kangaroo prime minister is elected. He later appoints marsupials to the judiciary, resulting in the establishment of kangaroo courts.
- 1980 - Australia's first kangaroo prime minister is assassinated by a koala. Conspiracy theories quickly emerge as witnesses claim to have seen a surfer on the grassy knoll.
- 2015 - 12:00pm France declares war on Switzerland as it's cheese industry takes a massive blow from swiss cheese sales. 1 hour 45 minutes later they surrender.