Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/March 9

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March 9: Olipro's Birthday, Temporarily Suspend "No Vanity Entries in the Anniversaries" Rule Day (Uncyclopedia)

  • 300 BC - Olipro's earlist known ancestor, Gayus Maximus, introduces pederasty to Ancient Greek society.
  • 42 - Under Caligula, Olipro's most famous ancestor, sodomy becomes the official sport of Rome.
  • 1429 - With his lineage being well documented, we suspect that somebody in Olipro's ancestry did something remarkably gay on this day.
  • 1492 - Seaman and Olipro ancestor Oliver de Gaul intends to travel to the New World with Columbus as his first mate. Unfortunately, he is late arriving to the ship on port as he was too busy being fucked in the ass by a Spanish stallion. He misses the boat and starts a lucrative enterprise manufacturing Pears of Agony.
  • 1776 - Benjamin Franklin and an "Oliver von Homosexuelle of Austria" exchange a series of erotic letters now hosted at the Museum of American History.
  • 1785 - Marquis de Sade finishes penning "120 Days of Sodom", an autobiography of Olipro's only French ancestor, Oliver L'homosexuel.
  • 1893 - Oscar Wilde pioneers the technique of holding a handbag like a man.
  • 1949 - Elton John is born.
  • 1987 - "It's Raining Men" by The Weather Girls is released.
  • 1988 - HIV/AIDS is identified as having been the result of Olipro's dad fucking a chimp.
  • 1989 - Olipro is born.
  • 1992 - "I Touch Myself" by The Divinyls reaches #69 on the UK charts. Olipro fingerbangs his anus to this song while watching a men's swimming competition on TV.
  • 1994 - The first pair of gay penguins are observed at the San Francisco Zoo. Olipro says his first words: "I love the cock. Big black cock. Cocky cocky cock. Mmmm. I love it when guys cum in my mouth."
  • 1999 - Olipro abuses his priest.
  • 2000 - A children's story based on the gay penguins is created. It is read to Olipro that same year, and becomes his childhood favorite, which some speculate may have been formative to an impressionable Olipro.
  • 2002 - Pictures from Olipro's family photo album are leaked onto the internet and are aptly named Goatse.cx, Lemonparty, and Tubgirl.
  • 2005 - Olipro digs up Freddie Mercury's corpse from its grave and bottoms it, then tops it, then bottoms it again.
  • 2007 - Gay marriage becomes legal in Massachusetts in honor of Olipro's birthday.
  • 2009 - Olipro is gangbanged by 12 Puerto Rican men at his birthday party, failing to beat his previous record by only 60 more Puerto Ricans.
  • 2010 - EMC smashes all previous records for shameless UN:CM violations, but Codeine's mum actually steps in at the eleventh hour to point out that it's all rather amusing. Olipro fucks a dead sheep to celebrate.