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- 2 - World's first homosexual celebrates his 40th birthday by helping create The Church of Tyra.
- 1032 - In England, first "Knocke, Knocke: whoeth art there?" joke performed in public.
- 1703 - Tsar Peter the Great, retitled Tsar Peter the "Meh, Okay".
- 1895 - Oscar Wilde is sent to prison, then released when the hamster never pressed charges.
- 1927 - Researchers in America discover 8th colour of the rainbow; call it 'onion'.
- 1931 - Jesus Christ considers performing the second coming; decides he'd rather get Taco Bell and watch porn.
- 1936 - Freddy Krueger kills himself in his own dreams accidentally. He reincarnates the same day for no reason as Walt Disney.
- 1937 - J.R.R Tolkien commences work on the majestic 'The Matrix: Revolutions'.
- 1947 - Mexico Space Program launches first rocket powered by jumping beans.
- 1955 - J. Edgar Hoover wins the New York Marathon dressed in a tutu.
- 1963 - The Beatles kick Joseph Stalin out of the band. He quickly composes "Back in the USSR" as a mild revenge.
- 1969 - Hippies collect signatures to forbid showers. "They are so concentration camp" is their argument.
- 1974 - Jimi Hendrix makes love to his guitar on stage. He is promptly taken to a hospital where he dies of severe penis shredding.
- 1977 - A small visitor's center opens inside Space Mountain, with its line causing one of the biggest humanitarian disasters of today.
- 1985 - Ronald Reagan sets a new high score for Pac-Man, humiliating former champion Mikhael Gorbachev.
- 1989 - Lenin is sighted in Nebraska.
- 2006 - Midsummer village now has NO MORE PEOPLE TO MURDER
- 2006 - The Vatican, Luxembourg, Malta and Fiji form the Small Countries Alliance - the most dangerous set of allies since the Axis. Together, they have a total population of 800 and double that in nuclear bombs.