Uncyclopedia:Foreign Office/+English/Big-Eyes Monster

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The Big-Eyes Monster (Korean: 눈깔괴물, Japanese: 嫩喝块昒, scientific name: Bestia Ocula CutulaaaaaAAAAA) is the universal common expression of all Japanese Anime or Manga characters that meet with the approval of otakus. It is possible that God himself revealed the big-eyes monster to otakus by ASCII, like this:


If you want to survive from the Big-Eyes Monster, we would suggest you Click Here!


To be able to determine whether or not something is a Big-Eyes Monster, you must apply the following principles:


If the proportion of eyes to nose is near or , it is safe to assume that this is not the Big-Eyes Monster but a mere human.

  • Now let us apply Science™ to these creatures to determine whether or not they are Big-Eyes Monsters:
The nose is too small to be seen.
The nostrils must not be seen.
The part under the eyes should be close to the same line of latitude as the upper part of nose.
The pupils should be BIG enough to suggest a rather serious stimulant addiction.
The eyes must form (at least) 50 percent of face.
The shape of the eyes is nobody cares.
The color of pupils is nobody cares.
  • Due to the preceding anatomical curiosities, the following is now true(↓).
The eyes are so so so big that even dust is a constant hazard.
Cheeks - one of the key features of human physiology-, are missing.
The nostrils are poorly developed, thus persistent nosebleeds.
III dddooonnnttt cccaaarrreee!!! IIIttt lllooooookkksss llliiikkkeee FFFuuuccckkkeeerrr!!!.

Typical big-eyes monsters include Haruhi Suzumiya, Konata Izumi, Shana, Nanoha, and so on.

There are too many to make database, I am the current author, since the previous DB manager committed suicide. And I can't take it anymore. These articles are waiting for <insert name here>'s edit. If you don't want to, you should click this.


“In Japanese manga, there is rule like this. Eyes are BIG and circle, …… and so on.”

~ Bernard Werber on Nous, les Dieux


“In Soviet Russia, Anime character's face is forming Anime character's eyes!!”


“This is soundless clamoring.”

~ Chee-Hwan You, Korean poet

As the majority of the people(Of course except Otakus) says, “It's eyes are so big that it is unluck,” “A style of painting is out of itself,” “AAAAAAAAAA AA AAAAAAAA,” In Soviet Russia, unluck is big-eyes monsters!!

Sometimes, some people are shocked because of these monsters.


Big-eyes monsters' skull has awful big eye sockets.

Big-eyes monsters are not human, but alien. It is because:

  • If an eyeball is big, eye blink require Failed to parse (syntax error): {\displaystyle 0.1±0.142857142857142857142857} seconds more than humans.
  • Eyeballs are so big that they interrupt oxygen influx pathway. and brains are extremely small.
  • Eye monsters' hair and the iris have various colors―even there is blue or pink or violet. AAAAAA! THIS IS NOT HUMAN DNA!!!.
  • Usually, eye monsters have uselessly many sexual intercourse. But they assimilate semen and use it to make energy.
  • Eye monsters' eyes are SOOOOOOOO big, but the dust is seldom getting in them. This is because Eye monsters are living in the world that acceleration of gravity is different from ours.

Well, it's a little scary[edit]

Below numerical formula is a necessary and sufficient condition for Eye monsters.

In this formula, means the length of eye, and means the leangth of nose. The nose's startpoint is the extension line of eye's endpoints. Therefore, is controlling whether the character is eye monster (or not). If is near 1 or 1 and less, that character can be human. But if not, that character is Eye monster.

God damn Kyoto Animation[edit]

Shaft is blind with love of eye monsters[edit]


Eye monsters in 1990s[edit]

Holy shit![edit]

Newly emerging theory[edit]

More extreme comparison[edit]

If you meet Eye monster……[edit]


Eye monster and contact lens[edit]

I heard, recently, something was happened……[edit]

Big-eyes monster on TV. AAAAAA!

Good Korean TV program, PD Hwang's Consumer Complaint reported the realities of big-eyes mosnters(This is Real).

See also[edit]