Uncyclopedia:Imaginary Admin Guidelines

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This page is considered an ignorable policy on Uncyclopedia.
It has wide acceptance among editors and is considered a standard that everyone should follow, unless they don't want to, in which case they are free to ignore it, in which case nobody will care. Please make use of the standing on one knee position to propose to this policy.

Big Brother.jpg
Cquote1.png If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death praying for war. But until that day you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human, fucking beings. You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit. Because I am hard you will not like me. But the more you hate me the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps. Do you maggots understand that? Cquote2.png

Dear First Time Admin,
Welcome to your Imaginary Admin Guidance Manual (any question of this articles existence will be stringently denied), please make yourself aware of all of the sections of these guidelines so that you may better fullfil your role as acting nazi stormtrooper for this website.

Terms Used Within this Guide[edit]

The following terms are used throughout this document -

Admin - Members of the Outer Party, and the ruling elite.
User - Whining Proles, making up the main body of "contributors" who must be herded like sheep, mentally tortured, humiliated and forced to adhere to the Guidelines.
Articles - randomly produced garbage, intended to allow Users to feel as though they are contributing something constructive to the site. Also, the main target of the Insta-Huff programme.

Cquote1.png The deadliest weapon in the world is an Admin and his banstick. It is your killer instinct which must be harnessed if you expect to survive in combat. Your banstick is only a tool. It is a hard heart that kills. If your killer instincts are not clean and strong you will hesitate at the moment of truth. You will not kill. You will become dead Admins and then you will be in a world of shit because Admins are not allowed to die without permission. Do you maggots understand? Cquote2.png

Section One - War IS Peace[edit]

1.1 Users are persuaded to follow the Guidelines using a number of techniques. These are defined as Learning, Understanding and Acceptance.

1.2 Learning is achieved through the use of a "carrot and whip" system. Any contribution submitted by a User is greeted with either a carrot or a whip. We have no idea why.

1.3 It is believed that Understanding can be fostered within the User through repeated reinforcement. B-Vocabulary Terms such as ShowPreview and AutoBan describe methods of aiding the User with this process.

1.4 Acceptance is achieved when the User learns that the Rule of the Admin is complete, that their every move is scruitinised in finite detail. At this point they really love Uncyclopedia.

1.5 Remember, many Users utilise terminological inexactitudes about their true intentions. NEVER trust them, and always assume bad faith.

Section Two - Ignorance IS Strength[edit]

2.1 All Admins are required to submit to the Two Minutes Hate Programme. This refers to the statuatory minimum allowance of daily huffing.

2.2 Periodic Hate Weeks are often required to keep the levels of Articles to a sustainable level. This also reinforces the power of the Admin AND provides more work for the Users.

2.3 All Admins are required to submit to a minimum of 8 (eight) hours BanStick training each week.

2.4 Admins must offer unbiased views when interfacing with Users, in cleansing operations and discussing matters pertaining to Uncyclopedia in open forum.

Special Clauses[edit]

Kakun Clause section 1.1: If a User is Kakun he may be banned forever.

Nintendorulez section 2.1: If a User is Nintendorulez then no, you may not unban him.

AAA Clause 3.1: No one shall fuck with the format of VFP.