|This page was originally sporked from a similar essay.|
|This is an essay, you know|
|Yeah, it forces its viewpoint upon you. Pay attention to it as if your deity said it. Even you, atheists.|
Wikipedia is a website that contains
true information only, and, as such, is boring and unfunny.
Links to Wikipedia policies are both an exercise in futility and a method to getting yourself laughed at. The sheer amount of policy pages goes far past the realms of both logic and reason, and, as such, all Wikipedia policy pages should be avoided.
Discussing or linking to Wikipedia:
- Is always really, really unfunny.
- Encourages spamming
- Like, REALLY unfunny
- Causes vandalism (such is inherent in their heathen ways)
- Disrupts and wastes time
- Seriously, they're not funny.
- Causes confusion to readers with personal lives
- Did I mention that it's never funny?
Never, if you can help it. They don't need the publicity; there's no need to make yourself wikipedia's bitch.
As a source
Wikipedia is an editable wiki, full of ya mums porn and the usual crowd of illiterates who populate the internet, making it a very unreliable source. Not that you need sources, of course. In the rare circumstances when you are using a source, punch yourself in the crotch. YOU DON'T NEED SOURCES.
Users are restricted from discussing Wikipedia. Big Brother is watching you.
Vandals originate from there
The fact is, every single vandal ever was turned from Wikipedia to here, because apparently we like people who blank pages for fun; we find it funny, and not stupid in the least bit. Indeed, every ex-wikipedia user that got banned for trying to make fun of their friend belongs on Uncyclopedia, where we just laugh and laugh at the phrase "lol mi frend mark is soooogay lol." Comedy at it's finest there, folks.
Although similar essays offer only quotes from one side of the issue, we at Uncyclopedia strive for fairness, neutrality, rising above it all, turning the other cheek, and various other clichés. Essentially, we're better in every conceivable way. Here are some quotes to prove it.
From Wikipedia users
"The fact is, I have dealt with vandals who came from Uncyclopedia and inserted, en mass, fake edits and vandalism on Wikipedia for the past three months. Since no one was there to help me (Despite wikipedia's millions of daily editors, there was just no one there to help!), and these users created 20+ sockpuppets, I had to battle all of them alone (No help at all!). This is why I do not like Uncyclopedia(None!). I don't need to actually join their community to get an idea of their userbase, since clearly their migrant vandals have told me everything I need to know."
- —Arbiteroftruth, one of the most prejudiced Wikipedians
"[Uncyclopedia is the]Source of many major vandalism attempts on Wikipedia. See WP:DENY. Notability questioned."
- —Arbiteroftruth again, after nominating Uncyclopedia's article for deletion (for the ninth time) and watching it speedily kept (for the ninth time) due to the nomination clearly being in bad faith.
"I hate ColourWolf with a passion because he is an Uncyclopedian (Who doesn't exist there actually) who came to Wikipedia to vandalise. I don't need to dig up any evidence to prove that he is an Uncyclopedian; his mentioning of the word Uncyclopedian is good enough for me to condemn him!
- -Arbiteroftruth again when speaking privately to Administrators
"We don't take kindly to your kind, 'round these parts! Damn Unggers! They come here illegally n' take jobs from the real wikipedians. GO HOME, UNGGERS!"
- —Arbiteroftruth yet again, this time at a Wikipedia Nationalist Movement rally.
From Uncyclopedia users
"I don't get it. Wikipedia users just seem to dislike us. We get vandals who copy and paste wikipedia articles over perfectly satirical Uncyc content, vandals who replace pages with stuff like "this is lies, go to wikipedia pages for truth!", and all manner of other types. Yes, it's a sad state here, sometimes."
- —TheLedBalloon, a sysop, and one of the older, least maladjusted Uncyclopedians
"Why do they hate us so!? You know, I have a dream, that one day, down at Wikipedia, with its vicious racists, with its users' lips dripping with the words of "notability," and "WP:DENY" -- one day right there in Wikipedia little Uncyclopedians will be able to join hands with little Wikipedians as sisters and brothers.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that one day every article shall be exalted, and every arrogant jerk shall be kicked in the forehead, the spelling errors will be corrected, and the prose problems will be made right; and the glory of the Wiki shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.
This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the site with.
With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our two websites into a beautiful symphony of wikibrotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for equality together, knowing that we will be equal one day.
And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:
|My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.
Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim's pride,
From every mountainside, let freedom ring!
And if our wikis are to become great, this must become true.
We must let freedom ring!
And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every userpage and every category, from every forum topic and every project page, we will be able to speed up that day when all wiki users, Uncyclopedians and Wikipedians, Illogicopedians and Wookiepedians, Halopedians and Encyclopedia Dramaticans, but probably not Conservapedians because those guys are nuts, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:
|Free at last! Free at last!
Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!
Ladies and gentlemen, this is my dream."
- —Me, during a moment of polite, casual conversation. You should hear me when I really want to make a speech.
In conclusion, visiting and linking to Wikipedia is the exact same thing as attending a KKK rally and inviting all your black friends. And, as everyone knows, racism is only funny sometimes. So, don't waste your time, and don't bother.