United States Bill of Lefts
To date, the government denies existence of the Bill of Lefts, and due to this, all conspiracies about the Bill of Lefts' existence are just that: conspiracies. In fact, this article would be censored if it wasn't factual a bunch of lies about a non-existent document.
The document, supposedly, was written by a panel of third graders appointed by the Bush Administration in 2002 to possibly expand on the United States Bill of Rights. After proofreading the original draft, Bush signed it himself and the document became legal.
Below is a rough copy of a revised version:
- 1. All citizens within the United States have the right to avoid taxation, which includes (but isn't limited to): paychecks, purchased goods, and last but certainly not least, hookers. All taxes are paid voluntarily.
- 2. Any authority figure, under the jurisdiction of a state or federal position, has the right to shoot with the intent to kill without authorization from some judge or some guy with a headset some 300 miles away, sitting at his desk drinking coffee, possibly receiving a handjob from the receptionist who he'll later fire so she doesn't report him to the higher-ups as a form of blackmail after she caught him urinating in the lobby fish tank while intoxicated on the job. No questions will be asked.
- 3. Burning of the American flag is legal.
- 4. Music downloaded from the intarweb "illegally" is actually legal. This is just a scare tactic used by musicians to scare net users into buying their albums, because sometimes you want to pay out the ass for something that can be downloaded for free. 'Nuff said.
- 5. Religion won't be taught in schools. Ever. Even Catholic schools. Especially Catholic schools. In fact, refer to the next amendment.
- 6. Catholic schools have no right to practice within the the United States. Catholics and children don't mix.
- 7. MTV will be demolished very soon, and all bling-bling owned by this branch of Viacom will go towards the rebuilding of No Orleans. Don't ask. Sometimes you gotta' break shit to make shit.
- 8. Anybody with the last name "Bush" can't run for president. Ever. "Busche" doesn't count either.
- 9. Algebra won't be a mandatory class in high schools. As much as they say that you'll apply Algebra in real life, this is a conspiracy. Algebra will be an optional class for those who wish to seek careers in a career field that actually uses Algebra. Nobody needs to find the value of variable "x", when in real life you can find the value of "x" with a fucking measuring tape, which costs $5.00 at Home Depot.
- 10. People who put "current" years in their screen names for AIM or something can legally be murdered without prosecution.
- 11. All people (not including The Bush Family) have the right to carry firearms to protect themselves from underground-mole people.
- 12. The government helps people who help themselves.
- 13. If anyone is caught breathing in public, the government has the right to kidnap/kill them due to the recent study that found that anyone that likes breathing is a terrorist.
- The sheer stupidity behind this is that in two years, this username will be outdated.