United States Presidential Election of 2004

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The US Presidential Election of 2004 was a hard-fought campaign over such key issues as dog doo, yellow snow and happy homos. Eventually however, the election was won in a landslide by the Republican Party, led by The Great Unifier. His closest rival was the French candidate, Big Bird, who stated that he was heavily opposed to government funding of hair products and the Amerifrancanos could choose whether they personally wanted it or not.

The Republicans won 99.9% of the votes, with the French only receiving 0.01%. This huge majority gave the Republicans enough power to kick Fonda. If anyone disagreed, The Great Unifier and Co-Partners simply cited the fact that 99% of the population had voted for them and hence you can shove it. The feelings of a tiny majority, like 1%, were felt to be unimportant and, to some, stupid.

Weeks after the election ended, charges were brought that Karl Roe V. Wade had stolen the election in Mississippi. Democrats called into question the "strange coincidence" that in a state with a 75% Republican voter registry, George W Bush won nearly 70% of the vote.

Major endorsements in the election included the American people for Bush and the rest of the world for Big Bird. Sesame Street producers have yet to comment on this.

The election is often considering to have reshaped the political map; the North and South reunited instead of talking behind each others backs.


Presidential Candidate Party Home State Popular Vote Electoral Vote Running Mate Running Mate's
Home State
Running Mate's
Electoral Vote
Count Percentage
Big Bird French Happy Homos France, just forget it, you don't even have to pronounce half of the word 60060 0.01% 1 Big Bird's imaginary terrorist friend Afghanistan 1
I've Got Bush Republican Texas 60,000,000 (with an average IQ of 71) 99.9% 537 Dick Condom New Michigan 48
Needed to win 238 (most of which were in Jesusland) Needed to win All of them

U.S. Presidential Elections