University of Saskatchewan

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University of Saskatchewan
Motto "Infirmitas pro Totus" ("Weakness for All")
Founded 1996
School type Public
Chancellor Keifer Sutherland
President Dick Assman
Location Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Enrollment 712 full-time and 13½ part-time
Sports teams Border Collies

The University of Saskatchewan (U of S) is the largest institution of reduced-challenge remedial adult education in the province of Saskatchewan. It was opened in July of 1998 to fill the province's gap in educational training for handclapping, floor mopping, and envelope-stuffing and operates on an annual budget of $250,000 in Canadian Tire money and coupons.

History[edit]

Plans for a remedial university[edit]

Until the creation of the University of Saskatchewan, the province had been served by only a decorative collection of token colleges and a single university located in the province's acting capital, Vagina. Following the decline in worldwide demand for food and pubic lice, which up until the mid-1990s had been two of Saskatchewan's greatest exports, public demand was increasing for an educational institution which would specialize in disciplines of marginal demand and also raise the profile of Saskatchewan's other town, Saskatoon.

During the fall of 1995, in an effort to bolster his party's already-strong polling numbers, Premier Roy Romanow struck a working committee of garbage collectors, call-centre operators and cashiers to design and found a univeristy in Saskatoon, which was still awaiting a name.

The University of Saskatchewan begins[edit]

Attempting to "catch on with this interent thing"[1], the Government of Saskatchewan ran an online poll soliciting public recommendation for the university's name. Due to the fact that Saskatchewan did not yet have Internet or telegraph access, the name was selected by the site's sole visitor, Mr. Chaz Bono from Gravytrain, Texas. Construction on the university's main campus began in the spring of 1996. Projected at a cost of over $10,000, the campus included two exterior doors, walls, and a roof complete with asphalt shingles. Construction was ongoing for three weeks, following which time the building was appointed with furniture, supplies, and teaching materials donated by Value Village and Ikea. In front of a crowd of dozens, Premier Romanow, alongside Queen Elizabeth II of Canada opened the university at a formal ribbon-cutting ceremony on July 1st, 1996.

Establishment of Schools[edit]

The university's founding dean, Alistar Smith DiplAdmin, CertPR mandated that the University of Saskatchewan should have three schools to divide disciplines of study. These were to be named the School of Learning, the School of Achievement, and Good School. Where the latter two schools focused on career development in the areas of wearing a headset in your job, balancing flare on your uniform, and stocking shelves, the Good School, explained Smith in his 1996 opening address, "would be reiniscient of pre-school: an environment to develop the self-esteem, positive thoughts, and important basic hygeine skills of our future workforce."[2] These schools helped fill the gap in prairie education to help develop over-education retail, service, and retail staff. Methodologically, instructors and lecturers focussed on teaching blind compliance, silence, and acceptance of commands from superiors.

Alumni[edit]

Currently, the University of Saskatchewan has six alumni, who all proudly work at Walmart.

References[edit]

  1. von Quackers, Duck E.. Brave Steps to Saskatchewan's New Post-Secondary. 2001: Arbitrary House, 177.
  2. Smith, Allistar. University of Saskatchewan Inaugural Commencement Address (1996).