The Quaint Soda, liquid gold, yellow river, lemon cordial, dick juice, homemade lemonade and Hitler's Pride is a naturally-occurring form of ink used to write short phrases in snow or bathroom walls. It is also very nutritious if had in large quantities, but should not be mistaken for Apple Juice.
The question that plagued man forever: Is pee pee one or two words? I'm geussing two words, but you can never tell.
Urine has some source of nutrition. Commonly used among hikers, George W. Bush, and Batman it is easily accessed from oneself. Male mammals have the ability to aim this refreshing drink directly into their mouths.
Most urine can be found diluted in sewage, sea-water, or in that glass of water in your hand.
Some individuals in the video editing and production business, particularly Kiss fans, enjoy a refreshing splash of urine in their face from time to time.
Urine is also the main ingredient in the famous Lemon-Flavored Snow-Cone made by the Abominable Snowman.
Urine can be found in your butt, if it can find a way.
Urine is also a name for a finely tuned Russian violin, that happens to be filled with urine.
In France they are making urination a sport.
How to pee
Drink many cups of tea. If you don't like tea, cups of someone else's pee can be substituted under proper supervision (see in section "How to drink pee"). I WANT YOUUUUUU!!! 83,726 cups should do the trick, although one can of Mountain Dew has been proven to have the same effect. Just let it loose. The best place to urinate is on the wall, but most lawyers (If they are corrupt enough, except for a few hardcore purists) just do it wherever they want. Straighten up your genitals and relax. It should come out in a clear or yellow stream. Now that you have learned how to pee, you should learn how to poop...the natural follower of pee. Ages 7 and under, just whack it. Yum yum for your tum tum!
Components of Urinating
NOB CHEESE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For Guys [and Messy girls]
It is very hard to get the pee into the toilet when it is dark. Your junk might get eaten by a grue. Many people recommend clipping a book light to your penis, on PenIsland (Penis Land). WHOA MAMA! Then when you have to piss just hit the button and turn it on. There you go, now you can see where your going and you won't get yelled at to clean up your mess. If you do make a mess the best way to remove pee from any surface is to rub the object on area with peanut butter, pour on some coke, and rub thoroughly. Then use a cup to scoop up the soggy peanut butter and the pee stain will be gone! But just in case, you can always do a "favor" for who ever you live with and buy them a nice rug for the bathroom and pray it doesn't smell. *Sniffs* ahhhh.... that's nice!
How to drink pee
Now that you'd learn how to pee, learn how to DRINK PEE
An excellent urine-based cocktail, known as the Excelsior, can be created with the following recipe:
3 oz. Dom Perignon, or other fine champagne
3 oz. single-malt scotch
2 oz. sherry
A dash of bitters
Handfull of salt.
Combine all ingredients in a highball glass and consume. Then add crushed ice to the empty glass, wait one to two hours, and urinate into the glass. Consume.
Another great way to drink urine is as follows:
Mix 4 cups of pee [best if yellow] with 8oz of vodka and stir gently. Add 2oz of spit, and 8grams of peanut butter. Then add 3 cups of toilet water. Drink up. I know it sounds gross, but try it.
Sometimes it is very helpful when drinking pee out of a glass to use a tube or a straw. This gives it that extra kick.
The Magic of Yellow
The history behind urination, urine, peeing, pissing, and in some circles, "leaking" has a long-standing tradition of beauty, and most importantly, it is the source of all power in the universe. In 1492, when President Gerald R. Ford was first inaugurated, a small, flailing image of Oscar Wilde can clearly be seen hovering in the foreground, staring directly into the camera lens. He was wet.
Urinating in public places is another way of greeting people, and is especially polite if you "shake" in their direction. Urination can also be sexually enjoyable between people, peeing on other people can be seen as part of sex, while peeing on oneself may be considered "Golden Shower" man. Urine is also a common ingredient in "Lemon Snowcones", which is usually given to a drunk or "hammered person" who believes they are merely enjoying a lemon snowcone.
What Happens When Your Pee Turns Blue??
If your pee is blue, then WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?! Get to the emergency room, man!
When your urine turns blue it is the result of one thing. Excessive sexual involvement. It is necessary that you go to the emergency room and get your penis removed with a Swiss sword Miracle Knife, that all emergency rooms have equipped for such emergencies. If you live too far from a hospital you must drink gratuitous amounts of POWERTHURST, energy enough to make your babies run like Kenyans!
Recent studies have also indicated that drinking Nuka Cola Quantum can make your pee glow blue and drinking gratuitous amounts of POWERTHURST, will do the trick
Recycled Urine and Super Powers
Several doctors bragging honorary degrees from "Happy Harry's Honorary Degree Emporium" have recently determined that super human strength, speed, and smell can be gained by recycling urine. One can recycle urine either by drinking urine, freebasing urine, or applying urine crystals directly to the body's pores. Dr. Steve claimed to have all the powers described above as a result of drinking his own urine. However, Dr. Steve died during testing of his theory regarding recycled urine and flight.
Urine is that yellow stuff many young and retarded people find on their bedsheets in the morning. If you suffer from this don't be alarmed you are just W I E R D. Frank the hobo says that if your wee is red you have cancer.
Note to females
In much of this article, the word "penis" is used. This is due to biological conventions. If you substitute "vagina" in all instructions - get it out and hold onto it with both hands - the same effect will be achieved. I know they told you in grade school that you couldn't pee standing up, but that's just a lie to hold you back. You're a big girl now, and can do what you like.