User:Aleister in Chains/Prohibition

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search

if anyone reads this, it is a VFD save (or was it a purge save? one of those) by someone else, I added the final pic and maybe a little editing before it was gone and then put it on a user page. I find today that it's a very fine article and a fun foundation to build on, so thanks person in the history of the page. I'll check on it before mainspacing this. Must drink or something to edit.

A 1923 pro-prohibition poster

Between World War One and the lynching of black people in the South, Prohibition was one of the highly productive and righteous moral crusades launched by the control freaks and the repressed to "save America from itself". Then, when prohibition was repealed, they went away to lick each others wounds and then finally marshalled enough forces to try it again. Prohibition is based on an inherent hatred of freedom and liberty and a secret attempt by facists, fundamentals, and the unloved to stop hobos from reaching enlightenment.

Eighteenth amendment[edit]

Between 1896 and 1920, the United States (One Nation, Under God, and Over Easy) was subject to a massive invasion of immigrant Irish peasants who had fled their homeland during the 19th century to escape the potato-whisky famine. They'd all heard that America had some mighty fine liquor, and had some mighty loose ladies to pour and serve.

The Americans were appalled as the Irish overran their major cities like rats sensing the end of the tunnel. The Irish recognized each other easily - red hair, a certain bearing, and the way of putting floating lines in their names. And what the mick hordes were doing was criminal in the eyes of the owner-class: Uninvited and ready to just walk up and take it, they were sopping up all the good liquor and bedding the fine women - generally just making a fuss of themselves in the dens of the rich. Then they really spurned the ole sod and started electing themselves Mayors of the cities, taking over the whole damn thing from the Italians just by shear numbers alone. Something had to be done.

Most of the Irish were not wealthy and lived like they did in the old country, boiling the roots of common potatoes to make their stew. It became increasingly clear to the well-to-do that poor people were not wealthy, and just didn't understand. Worse yet, they really liked to drink, a privilege the continent's Christians innately understood should only belong to the rich.

In 1919, the Eighteenth Amendment passed, which killed two stones with one bird: it banned alcohol for dirty poor people, and discouraged Irish immigration.

Prohibition completely ended the consumption of alcohol within the United States. During the 1920s nobody was officially served a drink in America, and nobody officially got drunk. It was a time of great joy, economic stability, rum runners, world peace, bathtub gin, and the sobering love and compassion of Jesus Christ, our fnord. The forces of God has successfuly mounted His wrath against the sinners and false worshippers of liquor.

America had turned its back on God again!

The conscious of God[edit]

As prohibition came into being, God was in a quandry. A quandry about how to kick the ass of the fuckers who brought it into being. God laughed and laughed, knowing the strength of the Irish, and decided to put in more than his two cents every once in awhile. So God acted, and put Franklin Delano Roosevelt on the face of this Earth.

So the eighteenth amendment was repealed in 1933, which clearly led to World War II, Rock and Roll, liberating and consciousness raising recreational sex and drugs, and quality satire on television.

The self-proclaimed forces of God try to reinstate prohibition in the United States, and are opposed by friends of the real God - drunks, barkeeps, and the Irish

Dota defense of the ancients.jpg

Ultimately, the drunks and Irish won!!!

Common mental illnesses

Agnosticism | Alcohol | Attention Deficit Disorder | Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder | Anorexia | Autism | Awkwardness | Bipolar disorder | Bisexuality | Bronies | Bulimia | Coldplay | Common sense | Compulsive Linking Disorder | Cornography Addiction | Death | Dianamania | Drug addiction | Dyscalculia | Dyslexia | EastEnders | Encyclopedia Dramatica (Website) | Environmentalism | Existence | Fishing | Finnegans Wake | Football hooliganism | Heterosexuality | Homosexuality | Hypochondria | Ikea | Life | Masturbation | MWGS | Narcissism | Necrophilia | Necrophiliphobia | Niynelevenitis | OCD | Pacifism | Patriotism | Penis Envy | People Who Like to Fuck Naked | Particularly Compulsive Redundant Linking Disorder | Psychosis | Pyromania | Religion | Sarah Palin | Schizophrenia | Scottishness | Socks Addiction | Solipsism | Stupidity | Thinking | Tourettes Syndrome | Ugliness | Uncyclopedia Addiction | Vanity | Vegetarianism | VGA | Wikiholism | You

view  discuss  edit