User:Aleister in Chains/archive 3

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Please check your email. BTW: HHhaarrraannggmMM is on VFD. I don't understand why, when Admins make pages like Kaboom. HHhaarrraannggmMM even has the actual audio of the sound too (Spike helped me). It's perfect. Could you help me save it from VFD. Much, bro!--Funnybony Icons-flag-th.png 10:18, Jul 3

I voted on that hours ago, hours I tell ya. Email will be checked in moments, or at least hours, hours I tell ya. Alei minutes later

Band link[edit]

Al, bro! I love the links, but I'm afraid of getting accused vanity, or self PR. But actually the page is not about me, nor am I named therein.

Hey, what did you think of the HowTo:Comprehend BNA? You have a lot of back ground in defending good people. And, as Chris Rock points out, African-Americans are good people (unless they're bad, in which case we call that BNA. It differs from DNA just as B differs from D). Please edit that to suit James' sense of humor. It is also a deletion survivor. I had to fight to keep that. But some confused people called it racist. As if Thailand or Bangkok are OK. Those two fucking articles are so rude and insulting as to be illegal here, and I could get arrested for affiliation with Uncyclopedia for the insulting racist crap that is written there. Finally the BNA prevailed. But lack of balance and good sense was clearly obvious in the VFD. Cheers--Funnybony Icons-flag-th.png 21:44, Jul 6

Psychic stuff is a byproduct of yoga training, I logged at the exact time you left this message. The BNA link was a joke, playing around with recent occurances. And you are obviously racist for writing BNA, just as I am for adding onto the initial paragraph of this page. A: moments later
AHHH! Too funny! Hey man, my band started as a "stone cold blues band" playing songs by black artists like Slim Harpo. Heee!--Funnybony Icons-flag-th.png 21:57, Jul 6
My favorite black blues guy was Blind Melon Chittlin. "Is he taking it out???". A.L. then as now
Al, so what do you think about BNA? How about Soma (now)? Any potential? Cheers!--Funnybony Icons-flag-th.png 22:07, Jul 6
I took a real quick look at Soma earlier, and want to read it. It's lookin' good. Are either of the Alex Grey look-alike pics actually Grey's? He's my second favorite living artist. Will look at BNA soon too. But it would probably be seen as niggacruft on VHF, if that's where you want to go with it. Although maybe not. Womp Rats! Al on Soma at the moment


With a side order of fava beans. Alei moments away

you didn't even use ketchup? goddamn it - your sick..

Ketchup wasn't required once you get the eye fluid out and mix it with balsamic. Al'te' moments again


Charlie Crist? You must be one of those neo-libs. Crist mayh have a good chance against the Dem and Mario Rubio, and Rubio has a lot of ground to make up. What he should do is camp out on the beaches and pretend to help in the oil spill. But yes, Crist seems half-way Okay for a Florida poll. Do you work in his campaign? Your friend, Aleister

I Haz A Question![edit]

File:Funky Fresh Fuhrer.png
Look at the funny pictur-wait, why is this text in bold?

What is with you and bold text in captions? It seems very...weird.....Seriously, does it bring attention to the caption, or is it something else? There's a really noticable contrast and it hurts my sensitive eyes.

I don't like contrast. It hurts my sensitive eyes.

--M'su Carencro (Talk) 07:54, July 9, 2010 (UTC)

For contrast, actually. Captions almost always look pale to me, compared to the color of the photo. In fact I had to check the code of the emo-Hitler pic to make sure it was bolded. And I for six (myself and five sockpuppets) believe that a pic is literally worth a thousand words, so also to draw a bit more attention to the caption than to a random sentence or two (except in "Evil Jesus" and the random sentences: Jesus wept. With laughter.) If a pic combined with its caption don't rise above the average of the writing on the page, then imnho it's not doing its job. And yes, I am also very weird. As for your sensitive eyes, have a look at this here and that should clear that up. Al 10:00 9 7

Yet Another Worthless Award[edit]

User:RabbiTechno/BibleAward Rabbi Techno Icons-flag-gb.png kvetch Icon rabbi.gif Contribs Foxicon.png FOXES 11:22, July 9, 2010 (UTC)

Guess what?[edit]

I made this as a response for that. (Now I feel all YOUTUBEy, ick!)  Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  09 Jul 2010 ~ 23:44 (UTC)

'Tis a grand honor to be responded too in such rococo use of thy King's English, if I may be so kind. Well done Master Times. Aleister 23:59 9 7 MM&X
'Tain't nothin' -- Thanks, y'all!  Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  10 Jul 2010 ~ 01:25 (UTC)

Please take a quick look at THIS[edit]

Hi Al! Romy came up with another good idea, and let me expand it. A new UnBook - one page biography of the memories of Keith Richards. It's right down your alley. I'd love to see Rom get a feature with this--Funnybony Icons-flag-th.png 17:18, Jul 10 17:18, July 10, 2010 (UTC)

Nice! I read this when I logged on, like it very much. A one-page bio, he'd forget to attend the book signings. Al 20:00 10 7

Decision to pee, or not to pee.[edit]

I need you to piss on something for me, but not in the traditional sense. This article i'm debating if it should be released or not, not cause its offensive, hell no, if it was offensive i'd have written 10 of them by now, but because the article is not my own work, it's just something I just made into a Uncyclopedia page, I wanna know if it should be released or not. If you read what I have posted in the "discussion topic of it, you'll see what I'm crapping on about here :D --ManiacJaSg.gif-Maniac1075Complain Here 14:07, July 13, 2010 (UTC)

Monroe Pee[edit]

A good pee? There wasn't really any constructive advice in there, but maybe we should take that as proof that it's perfect the way it is. I'll have a bit of an edit sweep later but before we nom it can we sort out the Rushmore pic, becuase I think one of us is a bit confused (probably me).

The way I see it, from left to right it goes: Harlow, Monroe, West, Hayworth. Although now I'm thinking I'm wrong about the first one. Ah fuck it, who cares. Let's just nom the bitch. --Black Flamingo 17:04, July 13, 2010 (UTC)

I label them, left to right, Hayworth, Monroe, Harlow, and I don't know who the fourth one is, Eva Peron. And nom the bitch, nom her, I'll hold her down for you and then you hold her down for me. Yeah, baby! Aleister 22:29 13 7
The last one's definitely Hayworth. I've seen a few of her films. But who cares, if anyone has a problem they can edit it (and get swiftly reverted). I'll try and give Rolex a read tonight. --Black Flamingo 16:45, July 14, 2010 (UTC)
Seriously? I was sure the one on the left was Hayworth. I'm going to have to actually look at her pic on wikipedia or IMBD now. If it's not Hayworth, and I'm sure it's not Harlow (are we talking about the one of the far left who's not Hayworth or Harlow?) Who's on first? Al 17:21 14 7 (damn, look at that, 21, 14 and 7 again)
p.s. Just looked her pic up, the one on the left is Hayworth, or her twin sister Betty. I have no idea who the one on the far right is.
Actually, are we certain the second one is Marilyn? It doesn't look like her anymore. --Black Flamingo 18:11, July 14, 2010 (UTC)
My brain hurts, stop it, ahhhhhhh. I'm not even going to look at it now, but I'm almost certain it's either her or Rita Hayworth. Ok, I'll go look, but have to log off so if I don't come back that means I still think it's her. Or Lindsay Lohan. One of the two. Al few minutes later
p.s. Her for sure. But the one on the right does look like Hayworth too. Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!??????!!!!!ahhhhhhhhhhh!!.
Right = definitely Rita Hayworth. I still see scenes from Gilda when I orgasm. Left = fuck knows... But let's stop this now, it's time to vote! --Black Flamingo 18:21, July 14, 2010 (UTC)

Le Tour[edit]

Are you watching again today? You're missing a great stage if not - French scenery at its best and some spectacular racing too. I found a reasonable free stream, which might be handy if you're at work or something: :-) Rabbi Techno Icons-flag-gb.png kvetch Icon rabbi.gif Contribs Foxicon.png FOXES 14:48, July 14, 2010 (UTC)

I watched a lot of it, but the race is fairly mundane to me on the level sections except for the sprint at the end, and this was a ride in the park for Contador and Schweck (misspelling of Andy's name? even though I ride on his team). Some hills, but they all had a gentleman's agreement today, more or less a rest day except for the six in front who decided to grab some glory. It should stay this way for a few days. The scenery is nice, of course, and I like that they marked the path where Armstrong had to ride down the hill to keep from falling down it. Did you ever attend the race? I haven't even looked if Uncy has a page on the Tour. Aleister 16:18 14 7
I saw it all today - thought it was well worth doing so for the scenery, even if the racing wasn't so great. I was rather impressed by the line marking Lance's 2003 mountain bike trail too. Never been to watch it, but I will one day. Uncyclopedia does have a page on the race, but it's not up to much - I'd rewrite it, but I take cycling far too seriously. :-) Rabbi Techno Icons-flag-gb.png kvetch Icon rabbi.gif Contribs Foxicon.png FOXES 17:27, July 14, 2010 (UTC)
Yeah, it would have to be from the point of view of a rider or something. I'll concentrate more on the scenery next stage, the buildings have been very nice too. I more or less grew up in the woods, or at least being in the woods parts of every day, so my scenery joy is seeing forests, mountains, all the nature of the thing. If you go let be sure to run alongside the runners on camera, wearing horns and a cape of some kind. Ah, just remembered the guy who mooned them last year! Al few minutes later
I'd no more wear horns and a cape (Didi's trademarks) than I would wear the Maillot Jaune without actually winning a stage, so I'd have to come up with something original. No signs of that chap with the antlers on his head running along with the Stars and Stripes this year. How about the mountain biker who jumped the peloton - remember that one? Rabbi Techno Icons-flag-gb.png kvetch Icon rabbi.gif Contribs Foxicon.png FOXES 17:39, July 14, 2010 (UTC)
No, I've only watched the past few years and not everyday. But the guy deserves a jersey of some kind (I like the polka dot one, very weird compared to the others), a best rider on a mountain bike jersey. Who do you think will win? I don't think Contador will let Schweck or however he spells it out of arms reach at the end of each stage, and then he'll have to make up the time in the time trial. So maybe it all comes down to two guys racing in a time trial. So I don't see why Schleck wouldn't go all out and almost kill himself with effort there to hold on to his lead. Al minutes have passed

Re: pic[edit]

No qualms. Use it as is, modify it, whatever. I am using it in an idea I'm throwing around, but it's fine. Good to meet you as well, although I fear I shan't be here for long. Sir MacMania GUN[01:04 15 Jul 2010]

Thank you. And that poetry is sheer, er, poetry. Gorgeous. Sir MacMania GUN[03:13 15 Jul 2010]

Ola, which is Spanish for "take this!"[edit]

You, personally, averted the Apocalypse[edit]

Post Apocalypse made it in to cue, thanks to you. Now there is no chance it will happen.

Much thanks--Funnybony Icons-flag-th.png 15:33, Jul 15

Remember The Hari Hari cult?[edit]

What do you think of THIS? It is a very long and insider heavy article, that Spike took thousands of written words and a lot of trouble to show me how to get it in shape, when he did his Pee on it a year ago. Most people look for what they know, so whats wrong with inside cult jokes? - that are funny by themselves anyway? I know this subject since its creation in 1966. And I think this is a good article. ITSCON people who have read this have thought it hilarious, all the way to "offensive" - but they all know all the jokes are true. And I was able to write the entire article about an incarnation of God from 5000 years back, historically, with out once mentioning Him by name, nor the Guru by name. I simply call them by their name's English translations. Like Lord Krishna, Krishna=all attractive, who is also believed by this cult to have manifest as ---- Guru, whose name is also not mentioned. It's a very long and full article. The more you know the subject the funnier it is. Please let me know if its worth working on? It's a big one. And I know more about this cult than anyone. The real Wiki link is given for people to trace the jokes to source. Thats what Spike did, and he learned a lot about it too. I think it long and funny through out. Would most value your opinion. You see the Space picture above? You're like the nearest bright star to me, who am a tiny star, a small star. And I bask off your good Mercury as I have a very weak Mercury. Hey, is your life BETTER now that the previous 19 years of Saturn? I bet! Now you can relax and easily succeed at whatever you like now and for next 17 years, the best years (period) of your life!... Bro! And its just friggin starting. The previous 19 years had been a real pain, losses of extremely important people to you, plus fear of time and worries and stubborn illnesses - these are Saturn type of things.. The worst period of your life is over! Whew! Saturn period was just the opposite of the new Mercury period, and very nice planet which rules intellect (not fear) and Mer is very good for you too (very well placed in your Sidereal birth chart).. From now on things have made a huge change. So, enjoy!! Cheers! Oh! And please consider THIS!--Funnybony Icons-flag-th.png 22:35, Jul 15

I'll look at the page, you make it sound interesting. And look at this block of text, needs pics! As for Mercury, Gus Grissom Sr. was in the Mercury program, and had a good trip until his capsule sunk. Then when he left Mercury that was the last of him. Dick Cheney is still a zombie. And are you typing drunk again, or stoned, or trippin'? I'll call the itrevention crew together, and we'll come by to take those drugs away from you and dispose of them properly. (do you have enough matches for all of us?) Al 00:29 16 7
p.s. later. I took a quick look at ITSCON and will read it, and the talk page, closely soon. It looks very interesting, and I'm surprised I haven't seen this one before. Thanks for pointing it out. Did you do the whole thing (a long list of IP edits at the start of its history, was that you IP'ing it?) And there are thousands of words on the talk page. The "War and Peace" of Uncy.

Does anyone have any spare change?[edit]

Please drop it off in my spare change collector, where I will make good use of it. Thanks, Al 00:23 15 7

no, but i'll donate an Ex-Box if ya want it. --ManiacJaSg.gif-Maniac1075Complain Here 11:56, July 16, 2010 (UTC)
Devils in heaven, we have a crazy man amongst us. We'll going to have to organize one of those posse things, on horses and with ropes and one guy named Cookie with the pots and pans, and hunt Maniac1075 down and hang him. Think of the children who edit this site, who still have dreams of bunnies and balanced budgets. We cannot leave them exposed to Maniac's writing, this must end. Saddle up boys, we have a mad semi-literate bigfoot to catch and put down, and the trail gets cold. Aleister 12:59 16 7

Re one of your Top 10 of 2009 votes from January 2010[edit]


Better late than never, or at least that's the thought. (Sorry about the length of this, by the way.) Horribly belated thanks for voting 2001: A Space Odyssey into #2 of 2009! Sir MacMania GUN[01:44 16 Jul 2010]


O.K ive had enough of this, you stole all my cookies at happytimes talk page, and i want em back. So if your not going to give em' back than i have no choice...

We need a showdown...a writers showdown (wa...waa...waaaaaa)

On a assigned day we will both write one full page article, and well have 5 selected few view and vote for who wrote the better one.

The winner has to give the other...

100 COOKIES! That's right 100 cookies must be awarded on the others talk page.

So when is it gonna be?...Punk.

Are you free in an hour and three minutes (23:00 on the fancy time they keep here). You pick my topic and I'll pick your topic, then each of us will have an hour and 10 minutes (I have to leave then) to do an article. And should my hands be tied behind my back so I have to type with my other things, or can I leave one hand free while the other hand eats all the cookies. Aleister it's now 21:55 16 7
p.s. Can't wait any longer for a reply (see Tumbleweeds), must go eat. Will check back in about 45 minutes.
oooooh, i hate you! But sorry im actually leaving right now, i won't even be able to read your reply, its 6:00 where i live, so I'll be on in 5 hours for sure. If your available at 5 then lets do it. If not, another day. --User:Happymonkey39/sig 22:02, July 16, 2010 (UTC)
LOL we posted at the same time :P both saying we had to go! --User:Happymonkey39/sig 22:03, July 16, 2010 (UTC)
I think we had our times mixed up, if it's 6 where you are then I was suggesting we start at your 7 o'clock, but I'll be gone too. Let's set it up for a set time this Monday or Tuesday, around 7 or 8 your time, and make the rules (length of time, how we pick topics--I was just going to give you a general one, such as "Something to do with _______" so as not to limit you to a narrow topic. And, of course, until then I'm still enjoying you know what. Al 22:56 16 7
God dammit i just wrote three paragraphs and then my explorer just randomly crashes..fml...anyways im gonna sum up what i said.
When you wrote "Can't wait any longer for a reply..." It was 5 o'clock for me. I'm best available at 11 where i live because 99% of the time I'm sitting in front of the computer. My time zone is EDT which is the time zone for Toronto and New York, no i do not live in either of these.
As for the rules i think we actually have the EXACT title that the other gives because it gives an opprotunity to show how crative you our. And if given a bad name the judges will asses your "grade" (1-10) on what you were able to do with those names. That and if not i would probably find a way to cheat --User:Happymonkey39/sig 01:35, July 17, 2010 (UTC)
On that note here our some users that i believe we both know that would be good for the judging:
although i don't think Helpme likes me...anyways if you want to someone else, tell me and reply when you can. --User:Happymonkey39/sig 01:49, July 17, 2010 (UTC)
Of course I don't like you. I don't like anyone. Seriously, though, you're fine.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Saturday, 05:05, July 17 2010 UTC
Oh yeah: I'll be busy tomorrow and the first half of Sunday, but I'm fine any other day.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Saturday, 05:07, July 17 2010 UTC

10:30 p.m. e.d.t. (your time) on Monday, and we write until 11:45. Exact title then, if you would find a way to cheat otherwise. We give each other the title at exactly 10:29 e.d.t., you post yours on my talk page and I'll post mine on yours. I won't be an asshole about titles, and will give you plenty of room and wide open spaces to work. HELPME doesn't like me either, since our weekend in Vegas went sour when I brought the hooker and the guy who pretends to be Jack Sparrow on the strip back to the room. Besides the cookies I get to bed your mom if I win, and if I lose I still get to bed her but you get to watch. (I'm saying "bed" because you told someone you're 14, and if I said "fuck your mom like a wolverine in heat" you would be traumatized for life and I don't want that--traumatized for a month is just about right). If one of the Judges can't do it, how about Lytheria as an alternate. Aleister 9:50 17 7

Oh ya Lytheria for sure, i just didn't think you knew that user. SO Lytheria is the sub. Ugh 10:30 is cutting into my two and a half men time, it's alright, Ive seen so many of the episodes anyways. And no i won't be a dick with the title...ill be a semi-dick =D. No that isn't a smiley it's a semi-dick, see it doesn't have and balls....wait if i win i have to watch you "bed" my mom...i think i may just let you win on that behalf.
But those rules sound good. I wont win, but it will still be fun. But just for safe keeping what is your time zone exactly? --User:Happymonkey39/sig 15:56, July 17, 2010 (UTC)
Im going to go see if all our Judges are in, it looks like HELPME is available. Ill go check the rest. --User:Happymonkey39/sig 16:06, July 17, 2010 (UTC)

Damn dude[edit]

I just went to dis ardicle about those watches my niggas be gettin from Jamal on 21st street, and I said to my bitch, "yo bitch, this shit be funny as hell, you think I should vote fo'", and she said "hell yeah, nigga. And I ain't no bitch!", so I said "shut up bitch", and smack her upside they head. Then I went to go look for da VFH page, and what do I find. Dis shit already been featured! I was fuckin pissed, so I really let the bitch have it, den. So lemme aks you sumpin'. What's a nigga gotta do to get a current VFH nomination around here? --Matfen 13:43, July 17, 2010 (UTC)

Make a article that is good...I'm just kidding, I've never read any of your articles. --User:Happymonkey39/sig 16:05, July 17, 2010 (UTC)
lul, you're probably better off for it. Not sure if you realise or not through my African American vernacular, but I was actually referring to Aleister asking me to check out his Rolex article. Alas, I was too late :( --Matfen 17:40, July 17, 2010 (UTC)
Thanks for the thought-that-counts vote for Rolex, and for fixing and voting for Marilyn Monroe, random street nigga who happened upon uncyclopedia. Now maybe you can write an article (we can help proofread it and bold the captions for you if you'd like), it's not that hard and we'll give you a break in our criticism, at first. Here Matfen, have a few cookies (and not the ones with teeth that bite back), they are sooooo good. Aleister 17:46 17 7
Teeth that bite back? Are you referring to, perhaps, fanged cookies? *deer eyes* ~ Meaningless symbol Lyrithya *shifty eyes* (words) (actions) -- 20100718 - 01:02 (UTC)
Look on Happymonkey's talk page, I gave him a fanged cookie as a goodwill gesture in hopes that he would close his eyes and eat it, and it would fang him greatly. Al 2:08 18 7


I expect to lose, although I will try my best with one hand typing and the other eating cookies. And you'd better win, I'm counting on you. Gotta unload some of these cookies, I've eaten so many I've gained 5 pounds. I see you're rounding up judges. Maybe you can tell them if they balk that they don't really have to judge that evening--some of them may be from strange nations in crazy timezones. We can just stop writing at 11:45 your time and not touch the pages until they look at them (I may have to sign off when we're done too). I live somewhere in one of the two hemispheres, and either eat Kangaroo or Polar Bear meat when the mood hits me. Aleister 17:55 17 7

Have you written any featured articles?..yes you do a lot... let's see ghosts never seem to play fair...she wants to bake you cookies huh? So your getting cookies from your dead grandma and stealing others...
Your a sick man, a sick sick man, and if i win, I'm gonna put you in shame. But seriously, if you loose to a n00b like me...well HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! But you won't I'm new :P
AND WHATS YOUR GOD DAMN TIMEZONE, and what time are you usually on, just curious.--User:Happymonkey39/sig 03:27, July 18, 2010 (UTC)


Since you're all brilliant and all...[edit]

You are, aren't you? Well, I'm just going to assume you are and hope you can help me. You know my manhole things? I've run into a bit of a bind, namely... how, exactly would a manhole even eat someone?

I've got nothing. O_o

So do you have any ideas? Can you help? Or will I have to just feed you to one and find out that way? ~ Meaningless symbol Lyrithya *shifty eyes* (words) (actions) -- 20100718 - 01:00 (UTC)

Oh my, the obvious. They are the mineral equivalent (animal, mineral, vegetable) of the vegetable Venus Fly-Trap and other insect eating plants. Everybody knows that! When a human or bear enters a manhole voluntarily, as they must, just like the Venus Fly Trap (named after the Goddess of feminity, as men are supposed to subconsciously fear the deep recesses of the vagina) the manhole will digest the large mammal with its juices. This happens so slowly sometimes that the person or bear isn't even aware they are dissolving until they are practically gone, and just have some bones and red stuff left. The animal equivalent of the Venus Fly Trap and the Manhole is the bear or maybe the octupus, although an octupus may be a vegetable. As for brilliance, I would think that everyone who writes here and isn't banned or chased away within a few weeks is brilliant. Goes with the territory. And you can still feed me to one, if you wish. They say it's painless because of the calming toxins in the dissolving juice. Not so bad. Aleister 2:05 18 7
Ah, but you actually helped. In fact, that's perfect, thank you. I reward those who help by immediately wandering off and The preceding unsigned comment was added by lyrithya (talk • contribs)
You're welc
ah ha ha, what do we have here. AN UNSIGNED POST! Haha i caught you! You can never yell at me again. YOU LOOSE. --User:Happymonkey39/sig
The pressure is getting to you, obviously. I intend to loose the contest, even losing it, better to lose than to live a life defending the fastest GUN in the west reputation I would have if I win. When you do win, and you will, then people will be gunning for you. Yeah, you'll be looking over your shoulder, eating cookies and readying yourself for the next young GUN. It happens, and I want no part of it. But I will show up on Monday night, with a plan and a race card. Damn, it's hard typing on this keyboard, cookie crumbs all over it. Aleister there, in time and space
Your just saying that cause you have a thing for eating while having sex with peoples mothers, aren't you. --User:Happymonkey39/sig 16:08, July 18, 2010 (UTC)
AND TELL ME UR TIME ZONE! --User:Happymonkey39/sig 16:09, July 18, 2010 (UTC)
Time Zone? Man, what planet do you live on? And should we give each other a specific title or just a topic? Your choice. And as mentioned, we should post the title/topic on the other person's talk page at exactly 10:29 by the computer clock. Sound about right?'Aleister timeless
I say we give the exact titles. Oh, and i hate you by the way.--User:Happymonkey39/sig 22:44, July 18, 2010 (UTC)
OK, exact titles. And how can you hate a mass of photon impressions on your computer screen? Or, actually, within you brain making a picture of a computer screen and somehow something is "looking" at it. The wise ones say "Love your enemy". And I just told you why they say it! Aleister 22:48 19 7
The wise ones also say "shut-up or ill kill you". Well i do, and i being wise, i assume it counts.--User:Happymonkey39/sig 23:34, July 18, 2010 (UTC)

Still laughing[edit]

at the Tricky Dick visual pun. Thanks for that uplifting piece of artful word/imageplay ... but ... wait a minute. YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT ALL UP! Sir MacMania GUN[04:38 18 Jul 2010]


Al. Dude! I think your edits are perfect. Just what she (he) needed. Keith will share some gear with you for that. I wonder how to get word to Keith to read it? I told Beck and the Yardbirds guys about The Yardbirds page..and they laughed ("the 3 bass gods!...haaa!) which is in dire need of your loving attention. Why is Rom banned? Is that a joke? Must be. What happened? Cheers!--Funnybony Icons-flag-th.png 06:22, Jul 18

If by "some gear" Keith means "quality mushrooms and hash oil" and not "sprockets and tent poles", then ya, accepted. If it's featured maybe you can call the Stone's agent's office and tell them to take a look at it, that should work its way to the Stone's esp. if you mention your British stuff. And the Romartus thing/ / ? if what I heard through the talk pages is true he was banned for putting an asterik * instead of a hash mark # on a VFD vote, and not banned for 10 minutes for that but for three days!!? // But maybe I got the wrong story. Keith might enjoy that story more than his page. Aleister 15:21 19 7

Scientology Article Edit[edit]

Currently, the History section is unfunny. If it was in its own article it'd be VFD'd quickly. Who is "Glynn the almighty"? I have no idea, and neither will 99% of article readers. What does "Glynn the almighty" have to do with Scientology? Google[1] doesn't appear to know. A bogus "history" of Scientology about chocolate milk and the mysterious Glynn (with a few red links as well) does not qualify as funny in my opinion, and I suspect a lot of readers would concur. The second half of the History section is basically a summarised, extremely condensed version of the Xenu section I replaced it with, and leaves out the hilarious parts such as capturing their souls in "a mixture of alcohol and glycol". Plus, there's some infantile toilet humour in there too ("One alien named Hubbardd accidentally let loose the butt cannon when floating near one of the humans. The gas smelled worst then mustard gas and caused fear to come into existence in the human world."). The Xenu spork from Wikipedia is, in my opinion, far more ludicrous and bizarre than almost anything Uncyclopedia can come up with. I find the fact that people can seriously believe (sorry, pay to believe) such nonsense infinitely more amusing than a pseudohistory of chocolate milk and Glynn could ever be. I believe that in this case, a direct spork from Wikipedia would entertain and amuse people by revealing the bullshit Scientologists believe in an encyclopedic fashion, and that is why I sporked it into the article. Your thoughts? DarkLight 10:45, July 18, 2010 (UTC)

Great balls of thetan! No, I'm not editing the page, so haven't read that other stuff. The only reason I reverted your total spork from wikipedia was that it had no additions. It's funny on its own, sure, and replaces some very bad material. But at least put more satiric funny into it, imnho, to include the spork. I've never used a spork, and some people spork whole pages from wikipedia and then throw edit the page piecemeal (in those cases, if they are FA'd, I think half-a-feature-point should be given the main wikipedia editor of the page). But since you want to do it here, why not make it even funnier and stranger than it is. My understanding is that Hubbard was into LSD late in his career, and fucked his mind up when he included that xenu stuff (it's a metaphor anyway--the hundreds of "thetan bodies" that are "audited" out are pressure points within the body and mental space, and they are well worth processing. A better way to do it is imagine something like a fish net being pulled through your personal space, and see where it catches, then toss "energy" at those points until they explode or dissipate. That will be $2,500 for that advice, payable via my e-mail account which transfers directly to a wire account in the Caymans). Just change it enough so it's funnier and not a total direct steal with nothing added. Make sense? Aleister 15:14 19 7

Rolex and Ms. Monroe[edit]

Sorry, I meant to say Behind the Music, hint hint hint. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 17:25, July 19, 2010 (UTC)

The template that I'll never change[edit]

Also, read my above not-so-subtle whoring from earlier today. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:49, July 20, 2010 (UTC)

Pospone the showdown[edit]

Ok today we don't have all our judges and i just had something come up. Let's postpone this for a while until we get our 5 judges ok? --User:Happymonkey39/sig 02:02, July 20, 2010 (UTC)

Wait, I'm here. I'll judge in place of all those other suckers today. User:Paizuri/sig2 02:06, 20 July 2010 (UTC)
Yah but again, something just came up. I say we postpone it for a few days to a week. --User:Happymonkey39/sig 02:07, July 20, 2010 (UTC)
I'm around, too.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Tuesday, 02:16, July 20 2010 UTC
Just logged on, all set to go. But no big deal. If you have the house on fire, or are being held hostage, so it goes. Maybe when we set it up again more people can play, I especially like the rule that we give each other an exact title at T-minus 1 minute. Thanks for setting it up, and I hope all is well. Aleister 2:26 21 7
Oh all is well, just met a girl the other day and i rather talk to her on msn than have a battle with you..sorry, i don't know you :P. But that's a good idea we can have a whole bunch of people face off and then have a template award. --User:Happymonkey39/sig 02:43, July 20, 2010 (UTC)
Ah, been there done that. I hope it went well. Treat her like you would a tender flower. Like a midsummer's night moonglow. Then when you slip her the roofie be sure it's ground up enough in a colorful and tasty drink where it won't be noticed. She'll like that. And Ape did organize a writing contest like this a few weeks ago, that was fun, but I do like the title twist on such a rumble. And please accept half my stolen cookies for being a good sport. Aleister 2:53 21 7
Ok fine *steals them all*--User:Happymonkey39/sig 02:59, July 20, 2010 (UTC)
A...a girl?! Gosh, I haven't seen one of those since...since...last summer when I joined Uncyclopedia... User:Paizuri/sig2 02:56, 20 July 2010 (UTC)
That's why you havent. --User:Happymonkey39/sig 02:58, July 20, 2010 (UTC)
And when you said "something came up" I guess you meant that literally. Al moments later
What's why I haven't? Haven't what? There's no such thing as girls's all a lie created by the government to scare us off, just like 9/11 and Atheism... User:Paizuri/sig2 03:04, 20 July 2010 (UTC)
Nah, those you stole were just the stolen ones I haven't eaten yet, a mere fraction of the overall total. And besides, I've borrowed something better from Syndrome. 'Al minutes away


Well i guess m attracted to lies then. And those are cupcakes...not cookies....i hate you...--User:Happymonkey39/sig 03:37, July 20, 2010 (UTC)
I think he calls them dancing muffins. Has a whole group of them on his user page. I now sneak away off the computer. Al minutes later
I miss Syndrome. He was the first person to vandalize my userpage, and it made me feel special (if slightly violated). User:Paizuri/sig2 03:47, 20 July 2010 (UTC)
The new girlfriend giving head to Happymonkey
....that's just creepy....and nope Al they were levitating muffins. --User:Happymonkey39/sig 03:58, July 20, 2010 (UTC)

Emmanuel Goldstein[edit]

Thanks much for the support in the Forum for my effort to accumulate a record number of awards that the rest of the world had forgotten about.

Regarding our exchange on the Narrator page about acting versus deadpan, the most acting I've ever done on the UnNews side is the audio for UnNews:UnNews Chief entraps popular news-reader. Spıke ¬ 03:54 20-Jul-10

You've earned them. Nah, you do UnNews perfectly. I wasn't clear on that page, talking more about mainspace articles which could be acted out, especially those with dialogue. I really have to get off this dark machine now, and look forward to listening to the link later. Al seven minutes later

In fact, you were perfectly clear, as your remarks were on the Narrator award, and I was cryptic in referring there to my UnNews work. And in fact when Dexter suggested I narrate, he nominated an article that required acting and I declined in favor of one I could do straight. Good night; enjoy the audio, whenever. Spıke ¬ 04:08 20-Jul-10

PS--You want acting? This month, there is also Media:Batroc.mp3. Spıke ¬ 10:09 20-Jul-10

In case you missed my above whoring...[edit]

...wanna have a good time?Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:21, July 20, 2010 (UTC)


I want to thank you for voting for on my article Dear Mr. Hornet. I never knew you liked K-on!. --M'su Carencro (Talk) 18:33, July 20, 2010 (UTC)

Hmm... whoring time.[edit]

I ask, entirely earnestly, is this funny?

Anyhow... *grabs a sledgehammer and dives out the window* User:Lyrithya/sig/2 -- 20100720 - 18:58 (UTC)

I didn't find it funny in the least. But it is very compelling, psycholgically interesting, methaphorically perfect, and utterly unique in my experience. Very good! Not funny, but I don't always care about that personally. Better than funny. As your thinking about it, why not go and lay down your "wow" vote on Marilyn Monroe, who was always good for a laugh and a manhole. Actually, if you have a minute, what's your take of Crossbow? It grows on you, or on me, or them. (your last line above, very funny) Aleister 19:20 21 7
I find Crossbow to be utter rubbish and don't understand why some people find it funny... that fact that you at least don't find it amusing is reassuring, but what you say you do find it is perhaps even more scary. And as for Marilyn, I couldn't give her a wow. Sorry. Featurable, but beyond that...
I was going to take the sledgehammer to an article, but then I dropped it on my foot and spent the next little while hopping around in agony, instead. Still funny? User:Lyrithya/sig/2 -- 20100720 - 19:29 (UTC)
Sledgehammer on your foot, hopping around in agony. roflolguotflolgttbtulolsm. Some people find crossbow funny, must be the pics. Or the concept of people afraid of manholes that they only have one weapon against them. That is kind of funny. See, you made it funny not on purpose. Other stuff is scary, sure. Oh, you voted for marilyn, she'd appreciate that if she was able too. She'd coo and bill and blush. Then she could be crossbowed, morethan likely. Aleister minutes later
O_o You know, I hardly ever make anything funny on purpose. It's pretty much all by accident. And some people... um... nevermind. Why would someone crossbow Marilyn? User:Lyrithya/sig/2 -- 20100720 - 20:34 (UTC)

Proofread and maybe tweaking[edit]

Worst Day on my Computer. Dont die laughing after reading it. Also I'm sorry for not voting for article when you ask me to (I hit myself with a baseball bat as punishment), but I'll make it up to you--User:Iwillkillyou333/sig3 02:13, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

I'll take a look, maybe not for awhile though. I don't really ask you to vote for an article, but to read it and see if you like it enough to vote for it. Not everyone reads the VFH entries, there are so many sometimes and they come fast and furious. The only one I have up there now is with Black Flamingo, the Marilyn Monroe page. But pages like Crossbow and Monika's Diamonds & Rust page are well worth the read, imnho. Once in awhile someone will complain about the lack of quality in featured articles, yet almost all the ones that make it have several layers of both funny and satire which are sharable--and fun to share--with a wider audience. Hey, and good luck on the Reviewing award. Aleister 2:40 21 7
Just don't whore to me or anyone else who doesn't want you to...--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Wednesday, 04:25, July 21 2010 UTC
Whoring is in the eye of the beholder. There are some people I ask to look at a page if it's been up for four or five days and activity is low on it. Lately there have been lots of articles posted. I'm just on for a few minutes, and was going to do a quick proofread of your page IWKY (and it's probably better to get something proofed and worked on before a VFH nom), and saw HELPME did a proof run over it. Good, nice work, both you guys. And I'll look at it later too. Needs a pic at the start too, imnho. More laters Al 12:03 21 7

Nick Allan, that one vandal we had recently that made all those crazy pages about sucking dog penises, et al.[edit]

I notice that you seem to mock the contributors to these unsavory additions to our wiki by editing their pages, adding pictures and what-have-you. It seems like you're having a laugh, but this is trollbait. I don't really care much about the recent change to the vanity page, even though it was completely unnecessary and goading, because I don't imagine the vanity person caring, but when you do it to a vandal with a vengeance, it's definitely egging him on in a way. WP:DENY and all that actually kicks in at this point. So, please don't do it? --Littleboyonly.jpg TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly.jpg 05:19, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

I figure if you can't huff them, join them. Will think thrice in the future. I didn't know this one was a repeater, he seemed to be a vanity extolling his virtures. Thinking he may be texting his buds and girlfriend to check out his work, I, ah, added to it. Gotcha. Aleister 14:02 22 7


Just a random question... Is it considered a breech of Uncyclopedia etiquette to model your article style after another article? I've been working on this which is in the exact style as this. Just wondering if you knew if that was frowned upon around here. I would ask Chief, but like so many of my other role models, he said he was going to go get some smokes from the local carryout and never came back. --John Lydon 14:08, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

A very nice piece of work, congratulations. On the specific question, I'd run it by Hyperbole just to get his blessing (his page was the number one or two article of the year if I remember right). Overall, there are whole categories of pages, such as the Sojourn series. Again, nice work. And Hyperbole should be in a good mood, his 40th feature is going up today. Al few minutes later

Thanks for the info. I shall speak with this Hyperbole person post haste. --John Lydon 14:15, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

you suck[edit]

Because you are right have the rest of this nearly finished. look on my user page tell me what you think of the begining of my time mag.Lordarcadian 22:20, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

I got to piss real badly[edit]

I see you put an article up for pissing...fine ill review your piss if you review my piss. Cause i think i did a pretty good job on that one and i wanna put it up for VFH as well, if it ain't good, tell me if any of my articles are good, including Weegee, cause people seem to like that one.

Oh and if two people work on an article together, who gets the credit? And if they happen to live right beside each other, and one writes it while at there house, who gets the credit? --User:Happymonkey39/sig 22:31, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

Two people is a collab, so both get 1/2 point credit, if you're talking about feature. I'm crappy at pee reviews, really am, but I will have a look at your page and see if I can suggest anything. And weegee too. Gotta remember we all have different styles, so one person's shitcake is another's levened bread. Look at "Suddenly, Raccoons" and how it is loved, but some people thought it was the stuff on your shoe when you get back from the race track. Matter of tasts (which is why if lots of people like something on VFH, maybe from another country, and even if I don't know much about the topic I'll let them dictate the feature). Will look, but give me time though. Aleister 23:35 22 7
Ive never even pissed! to speak. But i understand, if you don't think its funny just say it! I won't care, because, well it's you, if it was anyone else i would be pissed of course!
Ill give yours a look after you do mine. --User:Happymonkey39/sig 05:42, July 23, 2010 (UTC)
Just read it, or most of it (I've got ADD), and really liked it up until the listy stuff. You need to know the difference between "your" and "you're--'you are' cut down by a line sticking somewhere in the middle, like 'you are' only with ADD. Quite a few misspellings (Santa Claus starts it off). Even some of the listy stuff is good. See, I can't review, I like some of it and not others, and someone else will like those parts. So who's to say? Besides, if I start to review it I'd just stop, you know, ADD. Al 10:27 23 7
when you say Listy do you mean "what to do if you get effected" or the Tortured and the torturer stuff? And yes i do make a ot of typos, i don't like English class :P. Oh i think i have ADD too, I'm pretty sure everyone on this site does -_-...well maybe not HelpMe, he's usually calm, but everyone else Ive seen can be psycho.
Well ill give yours a look later and tell you what i think, and fix up those typo's. --User:Happymonkey39/sig 15:26, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

UnBooks:Keith Richards (one page book)[edit]

Bro! Could you please Nom this neat article by Romy? It has been Peed on, and they had little to suggest. I made all 3 suggestions. Because I worked on this with him I'm not good to Nom it. Besides, my signature is not "magic gold" like yours. It's pretty feature worthy. It was suggested by Romy and would be much appreciated. I did a bunch of work on BNA, removed some stuff, added better stuff, and also let them speak for them selves. The whole thing is a take off on Chris Rock's spoof on difference between Black People and Niggas, which is an article on Wikipedia. It's getting better as it zeros in on Gangsta Rap. Cheers!--Funnybony Icons-flag-th.png 11:52, Jul 23

Nommed because it's good and neither of you guys have done it. As long as it has a pee review it's nommable, and if it's good it passes and if it's not it goes back to the shop for more work. I like the stuff I nom and vote for, and try not to nom my things if they aren't ready (I've voted against a page or two of mine) My signature is pure gold only when I use my gold-ink filled Mont Blanc, a steal at only $49,995. And hey nigga, youse workin' on BNA strong, /bumps fist word. Aleister 15:15 23 7

Your Anime Kitty Cat/Japanese School Girl Picture[edit]

On your User Page makes me feel creepy, then horny, then even creepier for being horny because of something creepy. That is all. --John Lydon 15:06, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

You're welcome. Al mere moments later

Her first husband?[edit]

Oh Al, you are both irritating and hilarious in equal measure. --Black Flamingo 16:11, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

After seeing this I just went back to look to see if it works, and am still laughing. Best laugh of the week in fact. Thanks for reminding me. Still laughing. Al minutes later


Im Back!!! But only temporarily, im currently on holiday in spain with almost no access to the internet, but I have to say, seeing Suddenly Raccoons on the front page as I logged in has been a highlight so far. Do you know when IC starts up again? --DougalJabber at me. 16:29, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

That must have been fun, I like the unexpected things like that. No, no idea, haven't heard anything about the next collab. Enjoy Spain, and be careful when you mention Andorra, some like it others don't. That's the least known country in Europe, you can win many bets in the states asking people what countries border Spain or some combination of that language. Al few minutes later
Cheers. I'll keep that in mind when I go to vegas only to learn Im useless at cards. --DougalJabber at me. 16:37, July 23, 2010 (UTC)
Shhhhh! (IC starts up again after I finish archiving my talk page... all the cool kids are doing it.)  Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  24 Jul 2010 ~ 04:39 (UTC)


i'll piss on you if you piss on me Lordarcadian 19:55, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

Can't, I'm a lousy pee reviewer (see discussion with Happymonkey slightly above). And I'd have no criticism anyway, the page(s) looks really good. Rush Limbaugh is misspelled, but he should be. You are a chopper extradonaire if you did all those yourself, which it looks like you did (Limbaugh misspelling again). You are a worthy Noob of the Month, and this page will seal that deal with your only remaining competition, unless someone noms BAGEL. Thanks for the offer though. Aleister 22:29 23 7


...what about the title?

Anyways i think it's time you archive this page buddy. Don't cry, i know this page is filled with memories...and cookie crumbles...and my hate...but you got to put this all in the past and look to the future...filed with more cookie crumbles and hate! --User:Happymonkey39/sig 04:16, July 24, 2010 (UTC)

MMMMMMMMM! HATE Lordarcadian 04:18, July 24, 2010 (UTC)
Meh; it doesn't need archiving... my scrollbar is still over a cm long. User:Lyrithya/sig/2 -- 20100724 - 04:44 (UTC)
Of course, that could be amended. With cookie crumbs and hate, even. User:Lyrithya/sig/2 -- 20100724 - 04:44 (UTC)
Looks fine to me but i'm using my 72 inch tv for a monitor. it all fits on one page here. Lordarcadian 04:52, July 24, 2010 (UTC)
Ah, is it a really wide page?
QUICK! MORE LINEBREAKS! User:Lyrithya/sig/2 -- 20100724 - 04:55 (UTC)