User:Awesome Sauce/Spang is Gay
“If Spang was a vagina he would be so happy...”
“Spang, do you like penises?”
“There is no such thing as a straight highlander”
Spang is gay is a phenomenon discovered by Dr. Kalir in 2006, in which a subject, Spang, was recognized as gay in a discussion the two were having about who pwns what. Below is a sample of that discussion, which may or may not be accurate:
<Spang> I am the pwner <Kalir> You are the pwner of cock. <Spang>...
When Spang showed no retaliation for said comment in the established YGNYG gay rules ("You're gay" "No, you're gay"), it was henceforth known that Spang was officially gay.
Prior to the incident, Spang was not known to have any fans, so the immediate reaction was limited. However, when word had spread that Spang had turned to the dark side, many of the internet's gayest intellectuals began posting supporting comments on his user page.
“Glad you've finally come out of the closet! I know how much effort and courage it takes to do such a thing, and I have to say on behalf of the entire gay community that we're proud of you. Your first pink net shirt and hot shorts will be sent to you shortly, as well as a year-long subscription to Cock Monthly, and a laminated official gay card, airbrushed with sparkles. Good luck!”
After Spang became a card-carrying member of the Ghey, the number of Spang fans shot through the roof. One even wrote a book on how Spang's courage helped him to discover himself.
“Up until I heard about Spang I never acknowledged my love for cock. I'd just pretend my urges were there because I had something wrong with me. Then this Spang thing came along, and I thought, "Well if he can do it, so can I!", and I've never looked back since.”
Following the publishing of Oscar Wilde's book 48 Hot Nights with Mr. Spang, Spang became a national celebrity and gay spokesperson.
Spang on Tour
After being recognized as one of the most courageous gay men alive, Spang decided to follow through on his musical dreams. He and several of the gayest people he knew formed a disco jazzpop with a bit of country band, which they named Spang. Subsequently, everyone decided that name was totally gay, but seeing as the members were gay already, it didn't matter much. The band toured around most of California before seeing a store in Santa Cruz where they found some shoes that "totally went with our pink net shirts and mustaches", after which they stayed there for a year. Spang's first album, It's Okay to Be Gay, sold well in San Fransisco, Washington D.C., and Wyoming, but sold very poorly everywhere else. Most straight people avoided it like the pleg, as it was rumored that listening to it for even a second turned you instantly. Due to poor sales and poor musical skills, Spang soon disbanded, but not after a session of crying and makeouts.
Spang returns to Uncyclopedia
After the fall of his band, the American public, who are known to have the attention span of a three-year old ADD sufferer on meth, quickly grew bored with and discarded him. Spang subsequently fell into a deep depression, during the worst of which it is said that he told his friend Kalir "I just wasn't gay enough for them to go gay for me" to which Kalir responded, "Nonsense. You're gayer than Richard Simmons on a unicorn galloping across a rainnbow wearing a thong"
After about a year of depression, someone (it is unknown who) suggested Spang return to Uncyclopedia, if he were going to be such a whiny fag all the time. Seeing this as his way out, he returned to the uncyclopedians whom he deserted. With time they forgave and supported him, and he quickly grew in the ranks until he became an admin. Spang, having been filled with a new hope, declared that he would turn Uncyclopedia into the "gayest place ever", a mission in which he has currently 78-84% completed, depending on how many IPs have declared Uncyclopedia's homosexual nature to its various users.
Spang's gayness is still under study by various academics and scientists, as his gay growth has been increasing exponentially. "We just don't know how it's possible", says Dr. Fredrick Wexler, "it's like he's a gay black hole. He's more than twenty times gayer than Micheal Jackson already, and if this continues, will have surpassed Elton John as the gayest human being alive by 2010!" Says Spang on the subject, "If it will help gain knowledge for gaykind, I'm happy to help provide it."
Besides being really, really gay, nowadays the former gay-spokesman spends his time shopping, watching Bravo, and either making gay articles even gayer, or deleting articles that he feels just aren't gay enough on Uncyclopedia. Some users have protested this, saying Uncyclopedia is gay enough without the added gay of Spang, but then they are swiftly given a private conversation with Spang, after which they usually fess up to being in the closet and leave, off to spread Spang's word of gay.
Spang is Gay Day
Several users have established a tradition, which they call "Spang is Gay Day", to remind anyone and everyone just how gay Spang is, either by putting gay paraphernalia on his user and talk page, or by telling everyone and their grandmother that they know this dude named Spang, and he's really gay. This event usually occurs on November 12, known as the gayest day of the year for some reason, and on that day, cries of "Spang is gay!" can be seen all over the internet. Spang himself doesn't have much to say about this day, other than how much he appreciates the kindness and if someone could come up and see him sometime, preferably to pick out shoes.