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“I have no doubt, if there is God, he is a Greek!”

“In Soviet Greece, baklava would eat YOU!”

~ Stalin on the above

Greece, commonly know as the world's greatest country is a small nation located on the best place on earth in the penisula of the Mediterranean Sea. There lives an incredible number of 10 million Albanians, Turks, Monkeydonians, Aromanians, Gipsy, Jews ANCIENT HELLENS!

Greece, also known as Lebanon, Hellas or the place when the weird-speaking wrestlers live is a country located North of cyprus, acknowledged as the Founder of Democracy© and inventor of western civilization, audacious intellegence©, feta cheese, sex to women©, chodes and success Eurovision songs. They currently have a vary serious banana shortage.

Republican Kingdom of Greece
Ελλάς Ελλήνων Χριστιανών
Monarchial Republic of Greece
Motto: In Malakes we Trust!
Anthem: Hymn to kicking ass
Capital Constatinoupolis
Previous capital Nafplio
Largest city Sparta, cause Athens was destroyed by Xenu, while he was researching material for OT999
Official language(s) Greek, Nefelim
Government Bankrupt Democracy
'(Electable) public money spender Giorgakis Papandreou
Antonio Samaras
HM King Cocos-Constantine II De Grecia
National Hero(es) Alexander the Greek [great], Zahopoulos, Darth Vader, Prior Efraim, Paleokostas Greekmonster
Established 100,000,000 BC During the second galactic wars between Andromeda and Sirius
Currency ouzo, gyros, beans, cigarettes, prostitutes and rarely euro
Religion Pastafarism, Souvlakian or tzatzikian, Pedophilic Catholicism
Population 11 billion in Greece, 20 million in the rest world, many more in the rest universe
Ethnic groups MAlakas, Jocks, real Macedonians the hellenics, Spartans, Turkish-Greeks .
Major exports Culture, Malakes, Olympic Games, Swedish babies,
Major imports kamasutra positions Albanian Refugees, British Drankards, Pakistani, wrestling videos
1980s (the best Straight-To-Video kamaki productions, Komboloi.
Hours of
May - October
Internet TLD .gr, .com, .eu

General Facts[edit]

Greece is the most southern country in Canada (until they include Konstatinoupolis in it, it's in the Eurovision song contest after all so why not take it from there?) or the most southern country in Europe (a famous quote from a famous comedian-actor-football team owner-mayor, all at the same time though: "Greece is the only medeterenian country without gay people, unlike turkey or Monkeydonia". It's funny in Greek so back off. Of course that was before the Nigerian import) or the most western country in Asia, cause, like... Greeks have invented the western civilisation and brought the light to all those cavemen people in the rest of the known countries at the time (Some still prefer the caves though, better climate, warm in winter, breezy in the summer and best hide for extra-family activities. There are no lights which makes excuses very easy to come by, i.e. "Sorry I thought she was my girfriend"). Mericans are excluded because Merica wasn't invented at the time. In fact the Greek philosophers back then had a Battle-Royal with the military buffs, which they won, so as not to invent it. They were defeated a few centuries later, hence the transatlantic mess ("We told you so" -philosophers).

Alexatistaos is from Greece and said in an interview "Greece is Turkey they are a united country with a common interest" ALexatistaos has a strong patriotic feeling towards is yanoto.

Given that (the invention not the battle!), everyone should be very careful when addressing any issue for any matter at any time regarding any Greeks. Should trouble arise, the Greeks can at any point in time, even in the past (the future is certain), switch off the lights and throw whoever responsible back in the dark ages, the ancient times, the palaiolithic era, the bigger the issue the furthest the time-slot. A perfect example that clearly demonstrates such consequences are the Chinese. They never had a rift with the Greeks and now they're the no.1 power. But of course the Greek hand is always close to the switch, so they're aware and tread careful.

It's common knowledge, but will be denied at request, that Greeks invented the black a-hole. The person responsible for it, accidentally fell through it, before the hole vanished in a poof of smoke (had he seen he would've gotten the idea), and the slave who came later, back from the groceries, found only a badly written handnote where it was scribbled: "Back Hole". (N.B. Contrary to common belief, it's not a discovery, it's an invention. Tools are needed quite often and science was put to use).Greece is the home of a select 11+ million people, all of them educated, powerful, and beautiful (Greek women, especially, have some of the most beautiful facial hair in all Europe). Greeks are the greatest ethnicity of all time. They have their flaws, but they are funny ones.

The greeks were the first to invent democracy, greeks also contributed a whole lot to science and technology and continue to do so today with the greek-american community and their immense presence in NASA , FBI , Microsoft , Motorola and various brands of convinience stores.

Ethnic Groups in Greece[edit]

The overwhelming similarities between the Ancient Hellens and the modern day Greeks have induced the first suspicions that they are actually the same people time travelling from past to the present.

They are effectively applying the Albert Einstein's time travel theory in the the daily urban transport of Hellashole as shown by the documentary about the Ancient Hellens: Back to the Future.

The minorities in Hellas are a non-existent paradox, one of the rare known examples of applied anti-matter physics, they are there and they are not there in the same time and place. They are the basic philosophical implications of Nothing. Commonly they are referred to as Nothing by the Hellenic Government.

Albert Einstein theory of the Greek time travel used in their every day urban transport. Note that the greek time travel practice in majority still unknown to non-Greeks. This is the confirmation that the modern day Greeks are literally the same people with the Ancient Hellens

the list of the people that are time travelling from the past to the present, note there was wo greek nation back then so this people identify by city-region, don't ask them any documents (no documents back then geezz), just belive what this present day people say: they are ANCIENT Hellens, founders of the universe.

Darkvedars Aryans Athenians Spartans Cretans Pontians Thessalians Good looking guys, with delicate skin, soft lips and nice ass


See also: Greek Umpire: Hellas strikes back

Place of origin of the Greek race

The Greeks are direct descendants of an extra-terrestrial tribe from Mars who conquiered the planet, so they came to Earth to teach us. They are the main cause of intellengence.

During their, somewhat, short course of history (circa. 5,00 light years AD), most of the nations in the world tried to conquer Greece. However, all of them have failed.

Greece earned its independence during the early decades of the 19th century from the Automan Empire. After the Greek War of Independence, 25.3.1821-beta-RC1, got involved in a considerable number of wars in order to franchise Darth Feta, lad fighting for a cheese made exclusively from goat and sheep's milk. However, their endeavors in Asia Minor, Major and Asia Intermediate proved unsuccessful, since they were unable to dissolve the butter and stuck with a mere PDO certification instead.

The official symbol on the Greek flag is a traditional byzantine cold-coffee beverage known as Frape, sitting on a white sky and a blue sea. This is thought to symbolize a Greek's main source of "coolness", which is his/her extreme empathy towards everything.

Greek language[edit]

Main article: Greek language

Γκρεικς γιουζ α γουείρντ άλφαμπετ! (Greeks use a weird alphabet that has been emulated in the Microsoft "windings" font)

Historically speaking, the Greek alphabet was developed by Athenusus Alphabetus, who was known to have a severe case of ADD (just like every other living Greek), hence the weird letters.

Apparently, even the greeks doesn't seem to understand their alphabet... but if you are a hot chick, and ask a greek to read a label or something, he will probably grab your ass, cup your face and start double penetration.

Another branch of the alphabet in Greece is known as the Geek language and consists more of numbers than of letters. On the other hand, their numbers consist of letters instead of numbers. But so did the Roman numbers and nobody really cared!


  • "Μalaka (gr: Μαλάκα en:That which kills kittens)" or in the southern dialects, "Jackoff (n.)"
  • "Αnde gamisou (gr: Άντε γαμήσου en: Fuck you)": Go and find your peace in a local theater, mainly used as a blessing
  • "Gamo to mouni tis manas su / to spiti sou (gr: Γαμώ το μουνί της μάνας σου/ το σπίτι σου - en: I'm fucking your mother's pussy/your home)": Give my greetings to your family, mainly used in meetings.

Greek culture[edit]

Comparison of Greek and American mentality.
Souvenir depicting ancient greek wrestling.
Ancient vase showing wrestlers fighting each other. Notice how the right one is forcefully trying to crush the opponent's arms.
Nowadays wrestling has changed a lot, but the ardent passion of the fighters has remained the same.

It is well known that the Greeks invented three things, civilization, ouzo, and sex. Modern Greeks invented just gyro and frappe, but hey, they have to rest too. But of course, their biggest and most significant invention has been wrestling. Wrestling dates back to the ancient times, where it was practiced right after theatrical performance, to the delight of every man. Even then, wrestlers had to undergo a lot of training to achieve a desirable rugged body. So yes, it is thanks to the greeks that we got ride of the turks and the Monkeydonians today.

Greek Mythology[edit]

Before it became Christian, Greece had its own set of Gods. For example, before (the) Madonna, Aphrodite was the Goddess of love, lust and sex, and is thought to have been the most beautiful made up woman of all time. Apollo was the God of music, prophecies and archery, and was strongly associated with the Sun (although nobody bothered to tell NASA this before sending Tom Hanks into space).

In not too specific an order, other Greek gods to have been seen roaming around town after dark are: Hades (of the underworld), Poseidon (sea and horses – though not seahorses), Hera (marriage and childbirth), Dionysus (wine, parties, bit of a dude), Hephaestus (an inflammation of liver tissue), and finally of course Zeus, King of all the Gods.

Famous Greek People[edit]

Aloysios Snuffleupagos, famous Greek Actor

As well as being home to many Gods, Greece has also had it’s fair share of clever people (who mainly helped make up the Gods). Some philosophers to have lived in the country include Socrates (469BC - 399 BC). He was a teacher, and through his philosophy discussed many ideas that upset some people, including, rather stupidly, the government of the day. He was eventually given a choice of either leaving the country, or to die through drinking poison. As has been well recorded in history, faced with this tough choice, he decided to relocate to Brazil, where he helped the South American nation win 7 world cups, and spoken under the table after every match, introduced by Pele.

Other famous Greek philosophers were Plato and Aristotle, but Socrates ran rings around them with the ball at his feet.

The following is a list of Greek lovelies:

Typical Greek attitude[edit]

It is not uncommon for men to refer to women as "anorgasmiki" (unable to have an orgasm) because Greek men can have an orgasm at any given moment and twice at no given moments.

Most women (and most men too) refer to (other) men as "malaka" (asshole, dick, jackass, wanker and also buddy, pal). It is cheesy, but becoming increasingly common, for women to use "malaka" to address other women. Studies haven't been conclusive but an increment in women's balls has been cited as a possible reason.

The typical Malakas driver throws bottles out of his vehicle's window without caring about a possible accident-inducing trajectory or environmental impact. The most appropriate word that describes this attitude is "Ellinaras" (big Greek jerk). This attitude doesn't necessary involve a vehicle. The "Ellinaras" will throw away anything available but useless to him/her wherever possible. Usually it is within 2-3 metres (6-9 feet for drunk Britons) from a designated area for that purpose (trash can, dump site, ashtray etc). In this context, this is the usual, short conversation between two smokers who cannot see the ashtray or bother to ask for one: "-So where's the ashtray? -Right underneath you jerk, the BIG one".

The Greek driver is always the best there is, whereas all the rest are just "malakes" (pl. of "malakas") and is an expert in fast driving, but only just. This can be verified by the geometric increase in the number of vehicle accidents every year, hence the favourite moto: "Going nowhere (but the tree) fast".

Greeks show a particular interest in social topics of the people they know, or don't, and they're masters in the art of Culture Making). The process is widely known as ξεκατίνιασμα (ksekatiniasma) in honour of the Greek actress Katina Paxinou, who is thought to be the first person ever to have collected and recorded the proper rules of conduct. After Pericles, of course.

There is also the race of "psonia" (bought off-ers). It is complicated but in basic principle it's the young people who believe they are better that everyone else and flaunt it. Similar (or better) to chavs. A psonara (the female) can be spotted on the streets of the rich suburb of Kiffisia with a bird's nest hair style, sipping on a Starbuck's frappuchino whereas a psonio (the male) is harder to spot. He has shoulder-length hair or hair-length shoulders, is gorgeous and knows it, very very loud and will hit on anything that moves. Of course, all Greek people use the term loosely for anyone who is annoying them at that moment. Just for the record, you are a psonio too.

Officially there is equality between the sexes, but women are actually paid less. About 40% of the Greek women are engaged in active employment despite their proper place being at home, taking care of the 'malaka'. Greek women are not liable for obligatory military service and they love it; more time spent in shopping! When divorcing, all belongings are equally split between man and woman as neither of them can come to any compromise. Today a Greek woman may keep her maiden name when marrying and some do just to spite their husband. Greek women only give birth to half as many children, as they did before World War 2; this is probably a master plan of Zionists and Freemasons to reduce the number of Einsteins that have gained the monopoly in the world mind market and that caused many to argue and stop the exports. Arranged marriages are encouraged by law as is the payment of a dowry, so both actually apply but none will talk about it.

The average life expectancy for Greek women is 917 years. For men it's 80 because they can only stand the women for 80 years.

If you're bored/curious/hungry enough to enter a taverna alone, don't expect to be served in a long amount of time. In Greece it's very unlikely that someone eats alone. One is usually waiting for someone or else why leave the flat in the first place? For the waiter it will be very impolite to ask for the order before all the guests have arrived. Though this has changed in the major tourist places, and especially for tourists (who are ridicoulously easy to be spotted), but you can still find such behavior in villages most notably in the island of Crete and pretty much in most other islands.

In Greece you must adapt to GMT but in this case GMT stands (or often sits) for "Greek Mostly Time". The Greek people have a very different attitude to time. When the bus is scheduled to come 10:30 it will come between 10 and 11, depending on the traffic, how many people the driver has met and felt he should talk with, and many other small things. Or a local might tell you that the bus will arrive AFTER 4 pm! Then he hasn't promised too much. The Greek people don't live by the clock. The Greeks also have a different opinion about when it's morning, afternoon and evening. You say Good Morning until 12. If you have agreed to meet in the 'afternoon', the earliest meant by this will be 6:00 pm! In Greece, the evening meal begins no earlier than 9:00 pm. Also no one will think anything of it if you phone at 10.00pm at night. However, 'siesta' time, between 3 pm and pm is held to be sacred. During a siesta, though, it is very unpopular (often bordering to dangerous and suicidal) to disturb someone. So it's not an oxymoron to hear loud shouts/screams/curses during siesta. These come from people who value this sacred time and they are addressed at the other 'malakes' who don't and who themselves engage in all sorts of activies which they cannot find another time but this to practice, such as drilling, hammering, furniture rearrangement, high-speed motorcycle drive-by's (no shooting though) etc.

Greeks enjoy the fine art of dance. If you tease them for it, they will promptly curse you out in Greek to show their intellectual superiority, then castrate and decapitate you, just to prove a point.

National sport[edit]

In term of sports, Greeks adore group sports.

Joint champions with the Turks in the friendly sports competitions organized during the last six centuries. These include such events as "rock climbing", "flag hoisting", "flag lowering", "who's fucking flag is that anyway?", "I can't see, it's too dark", "get that fucking goat off the rock, it's eating the flag", "it's okay, it's not our flag" and "fuck the flag, let´s go for the goat"". These games are usually organized on tiny, utterly useless islands, inhabited by goats, to promote local tourism.

Another important sport is arguing. Greeks do it non-stop, the ferocity with which they argue is directly proportional to the amount of frappé/ouzo in their blood at the time, however, even if sober and sleep deprived, they are the stubbornest people this world has yet to spawn. They will get together and talk about any number of topics, not to make conversation, but to, by trial and error, find a topic that is disagreed upon, and then spend the next 5 hours (minus any possible interference with siesta) arguing over it, usually to find that they have the same basic ideas, just with slightly different details. But now, they're satisfied!

Greece's other national sport is sitting and drinking coffee for hours, preferably outdoors (weather permitting and more often than not it is) in squares or (ideally) by the beach. The average duration of a coffee-drinking session is around 3 hours, but the same group of people can be seen occupying a table for as much as 7-8 hours. During that time, members of the group come and go, others leave to run some errands and then return, by the 4th hour none of the original members is on the table, but don't be fooled, it is the same group of people! In popular places it is so hard to get a table, that you just have to hold on to it no matter what. This phenomenon explains the outrageous prices of coffee in Greece, as it's actually the space you re paying for (it's essentially real estate business, not catering). To compare equal things, an espresso costs 3 Euros in Athens and 0.70-1 Euro in "expensive, cosmopolitan" Milan. For other types of coffee, such as Freddo (based on espresso, inspired by the Italians but only known in Greece) you can pay as much as 7 Euros. On a sunny spring day, one can notice the number of 30 year old people who slothfully sip their coffee in outdoor cafes at 11:30 am on a Wednesday, and surprisingly can afford a 6 Euro Freddo, when they're apparently unemployed.

The most popular kind of coffee in Greece is the frappé (φραπές, φραπεδιά, φραπόγαλο (with milk), φραπεδούμπα). A sure indication of a good frappé is when it's so thick that the straw doesn't sink in it without having to push it down. Foreigners who wish to try Greek frappé for the first time, should not count on being able to sleep for the following 2 or 3 days and will need to hang anvils from their eyelids if they ever want to close them again.

Greeks will drink coffee at any time of the day, it's common to see people drinking frappè at midnight, before starting their night out (in Greece nobody goes clubbin' before 01:00 am, unless they want to help with cleaning).


Typical Greek politician.
Typical Greek Monarch.

The Greeks invented democracy and the Romans converted it to the art of democratic corruption. Later on the people realized they were much too lazy to govern themselves so they form a senate to do it for them. Later on the senate realized they couldn't be bothered so they convinced the people it was better to have a Prime Minister. These days the Prime Minister is something similar to a Go Go Jesus doll from Dogma, a man of great presence and 3/6 of Kevin Bacon. His political party is called New Democracy (Νέα Δημοκρατία) because it redefined democracy, now a synonym of monarchy (μοναρχία). In fact, they handled the administration over to George Michael, your regular power-hungry (and hairy) archbishop so it's more of a theocrachy thing. The Prime Minister is well known for his appetite and has been said to be a direct descendant of Taz the Tazmanian Devil. This article does not cover the political opposition (αντιπολίτευση) as the party responsible for that is fast forward and also noted by Final Fantasy fans to be in a state of petrification. There have been reports that besides these two parties there actually exist in Greece more political parties, mostly belonging to the left. Sadly, credible evidence for this has yet to be put forth and said reports are generally considered wildly inaccurate. Singer Demis Roussos was crowned King of Greece in 1978. Greece was pleased to gain a Queen when Roussos married fellow recording artist Nana Mouskouri in 1987.

The current Minister of Foreign Affairs is the famous TV showman Tambakis.

SueTube Wars: Greece vs. Turkey[edit]

Greeks and Turks seem to fight over everything in general, while the most popular topics seem to be football, yoghurt and baklava, a dessert so filled with sugar that it might turn deadly when consumed in large amounts. Because both nations well know they'll get really, really bored if they don't fight with each other on any platform possible, the national sport of both countries have lately been posting stupid videos on SueTube, which mainly consist of curses constructed in really bad grammar. The traditional theme of the videos is generally mothers (from each side) getting gangbanged, and surprisingly, goat fucking. No-one knows how interspecies sex can be that big of an insult, but it apparently is a taboo for the youth of both nations, especially when greeks are pretty much offended by it when they do it more regularly in private.

SueTube fights are held every week between teams of, say, Stavraetos666 and YoungTurkishWolf696969, and the game is continued until one of the teams' leader officially call emo.

The last major conflict occurred in 1989 when the two countries fought over a small pebble that a tourist dropped over the side of a ferry in the Aegean sea. Within minutes, a team of Turkish naval commandos had establish a small but significant presence on the pebble, raising fears in Thessaloniki that soon all pebbles would be seized by tiny little Turk soldiers. The Greek response was to increase domestic corruption, drink frappe and moan about everything so eventually the fuss died down.

Gay parades[edit]

Statistics say that nowadays the yearly Gay parades are disaperated due to the explusion of the gigpsy minorities in Turkey. NOuw the parades are done in Turkey and they are almost as popular as the San Francisco ones.

"You don't get any more gay than Greece."

Greek movies[edit]

Perhaps the best movie ever made depicting the light-carrying, shining, famous, ancient and enormous Greek culture and civilization is "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", where with well established scientific methods, the pluralism of the Greek language was proved beyond any doubt along with the origins of modern English in Greek (in fact, the origin of every modern language from Greek).

A 1972 documentary about Greece starring John Travolta and Olivia Neutron-Bomb was considerably less successful.

This famous lack of success was mirrored by the sequel, Zorba the Greek, filmed entirely in a small basement of the Ealing Film Studios of Denmark in 1962. The hero, Basil (Ernest Hemmingway), arrives in Crete to find that it is inhabited by a peculiar species of bloodthirsty peasant that likes to murder sexy widows and that can't even figure out a way to slide logs down steep hillsides. The heroic Zorba turns out not to be Greek at all, just an American putting on a comedy accent, so Basil thinks "sod it" and decides to get drunk and dance like an arthritic sheepherd like everybody else.

Due to censorship by the Orthodox Church, the goat huffing scenes were deleted.

"Tamtakos o Electronikos", probably the most successful movie in the history of inter-universal cinema (a recent poll revealed that not a single living being in the Universe has died without having seen "Tamtakos o Elektronikos" at least once during their lifetime). Recently voted one of the 3 top films in the Universe by the UCC (Universal Cinema Commission).

The other two films include "Cazaflanca" (the famous Venusian comedy) and "The Godfeather" (filmed in the beautiful valleys of Neptune, starring a genius pigeon, Corlebone).

See also[edit]

Hellenic States
Greece | Cyprus | Macedonia | Victoria