User:Cajek/What was that noise?
Honey? Honey, get up, I heard something outside. GET UP, YOU FAT RETARD! Larry, Go look out the window. I know I heard something, and NO it isn't that time of the month again! This noise was pretty loud, I'm surprised you didn't hear it! It rattled the windows a little. I swear to God it did, Larry. Go look downstairs, I'm pretty sure it was a burglar. Okay, not really sure but go look. I HEARD THAT YOU ASS! NOW GO DOWNSTAIRS!
What did it sound like, sweetums?
Well, you know it wasn't just one noise, it was kinda complicated. It was a combination of a lot of different noises, actually. I'm pretty sure that if it was an animal it would maul us, if it was a person they would rape us, and if it was a weapon it would kill us.
I think there were chimes in there too. Yeah, but not little chimes like in the hippie's house down the street. These were like the bells of Notre Dame, except quiet. I think the bells waned in and out, in and out, and then stopped... and then picked up again. It was kinda like chimes, kinda like bells? You know?
You know how a cat howls when "it's doing it's thang" as the neighbor boy calls it? Well imagine that but on steroids. Also, both cats are attached to rockets. No, wait, they're both attached to a police car with rockets. Also, there was a humming in the background like this: huuummmm... huummmmm... It had a tune to it, I think it was "Meat Hook Sodomy" by Cannibal Corpse. You know what I mean? It was kinda like a hum, kinda like cats humping? You know?
There was also a squeeling in there. Not like the cat humping, more like a high pitched buzz like this: bzzzzz!! It was really annoying. You must have heard it, Larry! It sounded like a bee buzzing, but more like the Africanized kind. It sounded like when the radio is on the fritz because you won't fix it LIKE I TOLD YOU TO. You know what I mean, Larry? It was kinda like a bee, kinda like a radio? You know?
There was another noise in there too, like a balloon popping. But it wasn't a balloon, it was an atomic warhead, and it didn't pop, it vomited. Like, it was weird: it was like it was vomiting onto my soul. And it was more faint than the other ones. It was kinda like a balloon, kinda like a nuke? You know?
It was as eerie as Jesus screaming on the cross, as disgusting as fresh earwax, and as scary as those weirdos across the street. It was as eerie as being shot in the crotch, as disgusting as the basement, and as scary as the wind in a graveyard. It was... well, it was really eerie, okay Larry? DON'T BE A PUTZ, LARRY! DON'T BE A PUTZ!
Wanna know what I think, sweetums?
Shut up, Larry, I know I heard something. GET UP YOU JACKASS! Didn't that description terrify you? ...Well, what would you know anyway. It could come in here and steal everything! It could rape both of us, and it wouldn't be a nice rape either, Larry. I think you're just scared.
Okay, fine then. Go back to sleep, see if I care. However, if you wake up in the morning raped, don't come crying to me. I HATE YOU LARRY!