User:Conniving/UnBooks:A series of short stories pertaining to metaphors as to the nature of IRC, admins, and idiots

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The most collective collection ever collected of Uncyclopedia editors expressing, in the most vague ambiguous, repetitive, and redundant imagery, great metaphors for the Uncyclopedia IRC, administrators on Uncyclopedia, and idiots. Nothing strikes you in the fanny better than the great rapier wit and infantile fart jokes brought to you, the beloved reader, by the best of Uncyclopedia on things you probably know nothing about whatsoever in any context.
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The Charging (working title)[edit]

Written by Conniving

A horrible evil roams the land.

It leaves only waste and destruction wherever it walks.

Countless have suffered under its onslaught.

They cry for a hero.

Monkey knife fight.jpg

When all hope seems lost, a lone figure arises from the ashes.

The evildoer pays no attention to this otherwise inconspicuous figure, not noticing it amongst all of the chaos it has already caused.

The new figure raises its hands toward the sky, granted powers of the ancients, just as the villain continues to torture those in the vicinity.

As the challenger begins to glow with the aura of a thousand suns, its intent made perfectly clear to the evildoer and its victims.

The figure of justice reaches its hand forward, then lets loose all of its newfound power in one mighty blast.

The evildoer is struck with a life-shattering blast, the likes of which it has never felt.

The hero suddenly forfeits its shining aura. Its job is finished; the evildoer falls.

The hero returns to the ashes from whence it came. It parts silently and unnoticed to the people it just saved, just as it had arrived.

Just as it always will.

Of Robots, Rats, and Sand[edit]


Written by Zombiebaron

The sand castle juts out of the beach at a 85° angle. There are robots. And rats.

The End.

Dildos & Vibrators[edit]

Written by Electrified mocha chinchilla

All can enter, few can leave.

Actually, everyone can leave.

But rather, you can only enter so long as there's not an overflow and you haven't been banned.

Given those circumstances, you may enter and leave freely.

But inside you will find more than ye ought to have hoped. Inside, the wary adventurer is stripped of his integrity and dignity by the hostile engagements made with the others inside. The virgins have their hymens torn, and the whores are dipped into large pots of scalding water to please the overlord's most sadistic desires of sodomy and horrendous exploitation that would make Marquis de Sade and Ed Gein vomit in utter disgust.

And this is all in just the first few seconds of wandering in.


The plethora of sexual apparati makes even the most promiscuous Trixies' twats tighten with disgust and abhorrence.

The parasites, the bacteria, and the viruses scan the air and cover every letter.

Horrid beasts roam freely: zombies...zombieninjas, apecats...chinchillas, killer frogs...Mhaille thingies.



Unlicensed proctology.



The Beast And The Harlot[edit]

Written by RAHB