Deathlok are a group of cyborgs created by U.S. President George W. Bush, Oscar Wilde, Sanjaya Malakar, and Christopher Walken. There have been many Deathloks over the years, the first being Luther Vandross.
- 1 Deathlok Mark One: Luther Vandross
- 2 Deathlok Mark Two: Jason Todd
- 3 Deathlok Mark Three: Victor Stone
- 4 Deathlok Mark Four: Alex Murphy
- 5 Deathlok Mark Five: Phil Collins
- 6 Deathlok Mark Six: John Frusciante
- 7 Other Versions
- 8 Suspected Deathloks
Deathlok Mark One: Luther Vandross
Luther Vandross was once an accomplished musician who made the world peaceful with his songs about peace and John Lennon. However, Kim Jong Il wanted him dead. He sent an army of gays to brutally rape him. As he died of an infected asshole, George Bush ordered his body recovered. He sent a covert team to recover the body and they added robot body parts that they had stolen from Soulja Boy. Luther was revived and was given the name Deathlok because he died and was locked in that robot form. I know it sounds gay, but Bush is retarded.
Vandross had many missions, but his most famous is Operation: Transexual. He was sent by Bush to discover if Hilary Clinton was a lesbian. Instead, Luther discovered that Clinton was in fact a transexual. This led to Clinton declaring war on all non tranny people, which would later be called Wold War III. Deathlok ended up leading a covert team dubbed the X-Men and fought many battles. However, he died as he sacrificed himself to save the world's supply of porno. His body buried next to the Pope's and some nigga's.
Deathlok Mark Two: Jason Todd
After the death of Luther Vandross, Bush was really depressed as the war was still going on and he was being ass raped by Bill Clinton every four hours. He then saw a newscast that Jason Todd had been killed by the Joker, who was working for Clinton. He sent a gay man to get the body. Todd was reborn as he was given Luther Vandross's robot penis. It grew and grew and grew until Todd became a robot. Under his leadership, he sent a bomb to Hilary Clinton's vagina and exploded it so she would become a man again. Clinton was arrested and she was punished by having Janet Reno rape her in jail every night.
Deathlok Mark Three: Victor Stone
Victor Stone is the first Deathlok that doens't look so fucked up. He was in a car crash that was caused by Britney Spears. He was saved by Larry Craig, who gave him the abilties to become another Deathlok. However, he is largely though not to exist and is not a true Deathlok because he is a fag. He died after he fell into water, which caused him to short circuit.
Deathlok Mark Four: Alex Murphy
Deathlok Mark Five: Phil Collins
Deathlok Mark Six: John Frusciante
John Frusciante was a friend of Jason Todd. He became Deathlok to avenge Jason's death. He became the most successful Deathlok and turned England into a police state dubbed 1984. He ended up kicking the shit out of Europe as he watched Full House.
The High School Musical Affair
Frusciante became enraged that High School Musical was coming to 1984. This pissed him off so much that he started sending robots out to the plane and asking them to fuck him. They refused and the plane was destroyed. Fearing an all out war, Deathlok turned all the cast members into Deathloks. They remain his butt buddies to this day.
War with Borat
Some other versions of Deathlok have existed throughout our time.
In a world where John Frusciante never became Deathlok, Phil Collin's adopted African son Michael became Deathlok. He went back in time and he fought numerous threats that were Michael Jackson related until he fought the big boss man himself. Collins ended up killing Jackson, but Chuck Norris came and beheaded him. Since Frusciante has become Deathlok, it is unknown if Collins will take on the legacy.
The original Deathloks looked like Frankenstein fucked a Wookie. They were created by Ronald Reagan and the Reagan Administration. They were really retarded and changed sides from helping America to helping Osama Bin Laden and his gay lover Saddam Hussein.
Numerous people are thought to be Deathloks in disguise. The following are suspected Deathloks.
- Chuck Norris
- Clint Eastwood
- John Mark Karr
- Kelly Clarkson
- Kobe Bryant
- Cable the Larry Guy
- <insert name here>
- Tony Blair
- Lindsay Lohan
- Topanga Lawrence
- Meg Griffin
- Larry Craig
- Fred Phelps
- Michael Richards
- John Wayne Gacy
- Soulja Boy
- Duran Duran
- MC Hammer
- Monica Lewinsky
- Aaron Burr
- Lee Harvey Oswald
- Brian Jones
- King George III
- Billy Ray Cyrus
- Hannah Montana
- Bob Saget
- Pat Robertson
|Superheroes and heroines||Captain Planet - The Amazing Fiber-Man - Spider-Woman - Mary Jane - The Incredible Hunk - The Scarlet Spider - Daredevil - Dr. Strange - The Punisher - Ghost Rider - Deadpool - Igloo - The other Captain Marvel - Stan Lee|
|Supervillains||Blackheart - Dr. Doom - Electro - Galactus - Green Goblin - Juggernaut - Mecha-Dracula - Rob Liefeld - Batroc - Kool-Aid Man - Loki - The Hobgoblin - Fred Phelps - Blackout the Vampire - Venom - Dr. Octopus - Spider-Man's Rogue's Gallery - The Creature|
|X-Men||Professor X - Apocyclopse - Gene Grey - Beast - Wolverine - Bishop - Cable the Larry Guy - Northstar|
|Salacious Six||Sr. Tentacles - The Wang - Sabertooth|
|Other teams||The Inhumans - The Revengers - The Fantastic Four|