User:Gneomi/Swan Lake

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
The swans concentration camp at an infamous lake.

“It's so beautiful, I want to cry.”

~ Your mom on Swan Lake


~ Your dad on Swan Lake

Swan Lake (ru. Диалектологический атлас русского языка) is a ballet performance which usually presented in 50 acts, 150 scenes or 72 acts, 728 scenes also 1 act and 2 scenes for male viewers. The ballet performance was created by two gay Russian men about four centuries ago, where swans still existed and lakes were beautiful and blue. It was Blakara Tragdivey and Leturoy Yevyevlev who wrote the first act of the Swan Lake just after they visited the swan concentration camp showed on the image on the right.

The performance was performed for the first time in 1852, just two hundred years after it was created in Russia. With some random classical baroque music by Piotr Illick Tchaikovsky or Tchaikovsky (for non-Russian), the dance was performed in St. Titsburg, Russia under the supervision of Russian special forces.

The Swan[edit]

A swan. Cute, adorable, so white, elegant, to bad this one is dead.

Birthplace  : St. Russia
Birthdate  : July 13, 1765
Deathdate  : May 1, 1822 (age 57)
Measurements : 36" - 12" - 33"
Height  : 6 ft 1 in
Weight  : 130 lb
Known for  : The Swan Lake Swan

When the two gay men wrote the performance, they used a swan as a model and inspiration. It has been reported that they were in a doubt whether they should use a white or a black swan. The consideration was, the white swan was so white, while the black one was extremely black. However, they decided to use the white one, because they couldn't even see the black swan and its organs.

Following the decision, Leturoy Yevyevlev gave the white swan a name. He was reportedly quite unsure about the name, either Sabreni Hergletev or Brittany Spearsev. But then the first name was chosen since it was the first. Taken from his own autobiography, Yevyevlev said, "She was such a beautiful swan, so cute, so adorable, elegant and I wanted to have sex with her, but her hole was too big for me."

The birth of swan[edit]

The baby swan.

It was in 1762 when the father swan and mother swan met each other. It was around December and the weather was very cold, they met each other at the park. Mother swan told father swan that she was very cold and probably she would die shortly, in no time. Then snow began to fall, covering all grasses at the park with white crystal balls. Father swan said, "Don't you worry, my dear, I will keep you warm and we'll be safe here." He then put his neck around mother swan's neck to keep her warm. Five minutes later, they had sex until the next morning when the sun was so bright and the sky was so blue.

Just nine months after that, the young swan was born, she was a very healthy little swan. Her skin was red, with two pale eyes and two weak feet. She didn't have any arm, quite strangely, but she had two black wings. As a matter of fact, she was very ugly when she was born. However, mother swan transfered her beautiful white skin to the baby swan and died shortly after that.

First performance[edit]

In 1850, an idea to present The Swan Lake came and crossed Yevyevlev's mind. Since he has finished producing the script, gathering all the casts and booked the stange, there was nothing else to think about, for sure. The Russian commodor, Tlaviv Errgrovev, later asked him to present the ballet performance as soon as possible, because of the high demand from the army's wifes. Tragdiyev, another gay man involved in the making of The Swan Lake then remembered that the performance would need an elegant classical music, just like those ones in opera shows.


Original acts[edit]

See also[edit]