User:Hinoa/Nobel Prize for Rape and Pillage

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

Old Version[edit]

This is the prize given to those "Who show mad skillz in the act of defiling female humans or chickens." and "Are real, real, good at breakin' stuff."

Qualifications for Prize[edit]

The following requirements must be met to be awarded with the Nobel Prize for Rape and Pillage

  • The prize nominee must be a professional pirate, rapist, outlaw, jerk, nudist, hillbilly, or scarred circus performer.
  • The prize nominee must have raped at least four separate objects.
  • The nominee must have at least two sexual organs, one stolen from the Greek Diety "Joe"
  • The nominee must have pillaged the following in their preceeding quantities: 1 Your Mom, 3 Swarthy lasses, 2 bottles of maple syrup, 9 Taiwanese sweat shops, 4 Pornographic magazines, 1 Canada, and a partridge in a pear tree.
  • The nominee must frequently take candy from babies.

Prize Creation[edit]

The Prize for Rape and Pillage was created by Fat Albert when his mother told him she was a virgin and had never slept with a man, but had once stared at the sun too long. At this point Fat Albert decided to create a prize to award people who showed others that staring at the sun for long periods of time was the leading cause of pregnancy in teens ages 50 - 63. At this time the newly-elected award-topic-judger Pontius Pirate was wasted from too much rum and modified the prize to its current status.

Prize Winners[edit]

There are few winners of this prize to date, but the number is growing at a geographical rate.

Michael Jackson[edit]

Michael Jackson was awarded the prize particularly after breaking into a wildlife sanctuary and raping everything that moved therein. After he got out of jail for sexually abusing Shamu he was nominated for the prize.

“Now we have an all new reason to dress up as Michael for Halloween.”

~ Adam Sandler on Michael Jackson winning the award.

Your Mom[edit]

Though it is not currently widley known, your mom won the prize only a few years ago back in 1498. The details are currently unknown but are sure to be the same disgusting stuff that is included in your diary.

“He was conceived from me and a rotten apple core!”


Jesus won the prize in 1976 for dying his hair blue and winning the annual orgy competition. This conflicted with many people's views of Jesus, however he responded to this by climbing to the top of the World Trade Center and urinating on the masses until the towers were destroyed by some pissed off Ji'had jerkface.

“I'm Christ bitches!”

See also[edit]