User:Ineedaname/The Great Carbon Freeze

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The Great Carbon Freeze was an event that kinda unfolded during the Galactic Civil War, where Ash Rectum was frozen in carbonite forever. The Great Carbon Freeze was also the time when Harvey got accepted into the Obese Controller's Railway, for lifting frozen Ash Rectum. His frozen body was later shipped by Dog the Bounty Hunter from Bespin to Tatooine, where Jabba sold it on Ebay after four years.

The Plan[edit]

Darth Stewie thought of luring Bart Simpson to the Bespin System to be frozen for Emperor Palpatine and his personal needs, such as... uh I don't know, pleasure, Sith Training, I don't know. To do this, Darth Stewie lured Ash Rectum, Dawn, Fidel Castro, and a decipated Bill Clinton to Samuel L. Jackson's City in the Clouds.... and then you know what happens, I'll tell you later.

The Great Freeze[edit]

After motherfuckin' Samuel L. brought everyone to the Carbon Freezing Chamber, Darth Stewie, Dog the Bounty Hunter, Harvey the Crane Engine, and the Inspection Crew were waiting. Rectum, Dawn, Castro with broken Clinton on his back, and two stormtroopers walked in. As Rectum prepared to be put in, Fidel Castro took out two machine guns and started thrashing crazily, like when you play Halo. Two stormtroopers died and Fidel Castro got in trouble, being spanked by Stewie's belt, (and Clinton felt a little of it). Something unexpected later happened before Rectum became frozen, but read the quote section to find out. Then, Borat Sagdiyev and Napoleon Dynamite took Rectum to the freezy circle, where Oompa Loompas and Andy Milonakis cuffed him and froze him. When the freezing process was complete, Harvey later lifted the frozen block and put it down on the railing? Then Dog the Bounty Hunter took the block and the Inspection Crew accepted Harvey into the Obese Controller's Railway.


Let's make it short, sweet and to the point, Pokemon gets cancelled (woohoo), Harvey joins the Obese Controller's Railway, Darth Stewie admits a secret, Pokemon gets cancelled, mothafuckin' Samuel L. Jackson becomes a motherfuckin' traitor, Queers of War comes out, Playstation 3, Xbox 360 and Wii get a $1,000 pricedrop, AT-ATs end up on Ebay, Pokemon gets cancelled, the IPhone gets a $200 pricedrop, Chicago Cubs win the World Series, Pokemon gets cancelled, and that's pretty much it.


  • Ash Rectum: What's going on... buddy?
  • Samuel L. Jackson: You're being but into motherfuckin' carbon freeze.
  • Dog the Bounty Hunter: What if he doesn't survive? He's worth alot to me personally!
  • Darth Stewie: Oh calm down! The Empire will pay you anything, Target Giftcard, Jetpack fuel, Credits, you name it. Even a girlfriend.
  • Darth Stewie: Put him in! Oh, while you're at get me a hazelnut coffee to go.
  • Bill Clinton: Stop! Stop! Fidel! I don't want to die! I didn't even get a Big Mac at the McDonald's across the street!
  • Ash Rectum: Fidel, you're not helping.... The extremely hot chick, you have to take care of her. Duh!
  • Ooohhhh.... Dawn and Ash kiss! Borat and Napoleon Dynamite take him away and the Oompa Loompas and Andy Milonakis strap him on something.
  • Dawn: I love you.
  • Ash Rectum: I didn't know that, I mean you could've told me a few years ago... I mean nobody exected that... BLAH BLAH BLAH. ((cutoff by freezing process))
  • Darth Stewie: Did he survive?
  • Samuel L. Jackson: Yeah! Of course he motherfuckin' did.
  • Darth Stewie: Give me the extremely hot chick, the crazy Cuban, and the broken up Burger President.
  • Samuel L. Jackson: You motherfuckin' said that they'd motherfuckin' be in my motherfuckin' supervsion!
  • Darth Stewie: You motherfuckin' pray that I don't motherfuckin' change the motherfuckin' deal.
  • Samuel L. Jackson: MOTHERFUCKER!
  • Dawn: Whatever.
  • Fidel Castro: Que?
  • Bill Clinton: Can I be put back together?


For the die-hard Star Wars fans, here's a side by side character to character guide.:

Behind the Scenes[edit]

“This is based on the freezing of Han Solo in Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back”

~ Captain Obvious on this article