User:John von Volkli

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“If you scream while your pet explodes, you shall catch its appendix in your mouth.”

~ John von Volkli using a metaphor or something.

“I hit a flagpole, and she bit off mine!”

~ von Volkli on his affairs.

“No, you're gonna get eaten by sharks!

~ von Volkli on trans-Atlantic flights.
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Personal info
Nationality America(n)
Date of birth August 17, 1991
Place of birth Bellvue, WA
Date of death 25th November 2005
Place of death Pig and Whistle, Wandsworth, London
First Lady Brenda Willard von Volkli
Political career
Order 48th President
Vice President Terry Bernie Shamrock
Prime Minister Ran in 1965 election
Term of office January 20, 2029January 20, 2037
Preceded by Lawrence Ronald Funck
Succeeded by Richard Stellar Thompson Mead
Political party Whig

John Roger von Volkli (August 17, 1991-) was an asshole who, as President of the United States of America, completely screwed up the economy and got the U.S. into World War III. The level of shittyness was only rivaled by his term as Governor of Oregon, which he single-handedly turned into Oregon, but worse. He was known for ridiculous sexual exploits and angry fits of shouting. He was often reminded of his days in office by his family, who taunted him mercilessly.

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