User:Kaizer the Bjorn/Caffine

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Thisishowacaffinemolecule looksofcourseitdoesn'tactually looklikethatthisisjustadiagram ofhowthemoleculeisstructured inreallifeitlookslikeawhite powderunlessitsdissolvedin coffeeorsomething.

Caffeineisachemicalwhichmakesyourreallyhyperandexitedandgivesyoulotsofenergyandstuff. Itsfoundincoffeeandchocolateandbawlsandenergydrinks. Idrinkthosethingsallthetimeanditmakesmefeelreallyhyperandexcitedandstuff. PeoplesayIhavetoomuchcaffeinebutthey'retotallywrongIonlydrinklikefifteencupsof coffeeadayforcristssakehthatsnotalotyouknowwhatImean?

WhereCaffeinecanbefound[edit]

CaffeineisfoundinallsortsofplacesitsincoffeewhichIdrinkalotandinchocolateandFooshmintsandcoffee. IreallylikedrinkingcoffeeittastesgoodanditgivesmeabuzzanditkeepsmefromfallingasleepwhenIminthemiddleofsomething. OnetimeIdrankfiftysixcupsofcoffeeandeverythingwasmovingreallyslowlylikeIwasinTheMatrix. CaffeineisalsofoundincaffeinepillswhicharepillsofpurecaffeinethosereallygiveyouaboostIdonteventakethemoneatatimeItake themonebottleatatimewheneverImfeelingnormalIjustpopdownafewcasesofcaffeinepillsanditgoesaway. SomepeopleliketheircoffeewithmilkandsugarIlikethesugarsometimesbutthemilkjusttakesuproomthat couldbefilledwithextracaffeine. Ilikeeatingdoughnutstoowithmycoffeedoughnutsarereallygoodwithcoffeeyoucandunkthemandeatthemthenhavemorecoffeeand moredoughnuts. Fooshmintsarethesemintsthathavecaffeineinthemtheyaregoodbecausetheyhavethesameamountofcaffeineasacupof coffeebuttheymakeyourbreathsmellniceunlikecoffeewhichmakesitsmellbadmybreathsmellsbadfromcoffeealotbecauseIdrinkmorethan mostpeoplebutthenIjusttakesomeFooshmintsandmybreathsmellsniceagain.

UsesofCaffeine[edit]

Itriedtomakeadrawingbutmyhandwas goingallovertheplacesoIcouldn'tyouknow whatImean?

CaffeineisusedtokeepyouupandkeepyoufromfallingasleepitcertainlyworksformeInevergotosleepIhaven'tsleptforlikethreeyearsit'stooboringyou justlaythereanddonothingyouknowwhatImean? Istarteddrinkinglotsoofcoffeeincollegebecauseineededtostayuplatetofinish homeworkbutitwaskindahardtoreadbecausethewordskeptmovingalloverthepageitwasreallyannoyingIthoughtitwas becauseIwasgettingtiredsoIhadmore caffeineandIpassedoutthenwhenIwokeupmyroommatewasalllike"Dudeyoudrankwaytoomuchcoffee."onlyhesaiditreallyslowlylike "Dude, you drank way too much coffee."

Caffeineisalsousefulwhenyou'replayinggamesbecauseyoucanbereallyalertandfastandyouplaybetterespeciallybecauseyou'reprobablyplayingatnightwhenmostpeopleareasleepsoyouhavetohave caffeinetostayawakethismakesitreallypopularamonggamerswhoconsumeitinlargeammountsbuttheydefinitelydon'tuseitasmuchasIdo. Idon'tuseitforgamingmostofthetimethoughIjusttakeitbecauseitmakesmealwhackedupitslikeadruglikekittensonlyitswaybetteryouknowwhatImean?

EffectsofCaffeine[edit]

ScientistssaythatcaffeineisadrugbecauseitisnotafoodanditeffectsthewaythebrainworksI'veneverhadanydrugsbesidescaffeinesoIwouldn'tknow. CaffeinereallymakesmeallweirdandcrazyIguessthatstheeffectithasonthebrainbecausewheneverIhaveliketwoboxesofcaffeinepillsIgetatonofenergyandIgetallhyperandstuffyouknowwhatImean? CaffeineusedtobereallyeffectiveIcouldjusthavefiveorsixcupsandIwouldgetallhyperandexcitedandstuffbutnowcaffeineisnotsoexcitinganymoreIhavetohavelotsofittogetabuzz IguessthatsbecauseIgotusedtoitovertimelikesomescientistssaythatIfyoutakeadrugalotyougetusedtoitsoyouhavetotakemoreotherwiseitwon'thaveaneffect. Speakingofscientistssomeofthemdidanexpirimentonspiderswheretheygavethemsomecaffeineandlookedattheirwebsandtheywereallfuckedupitwaslikethemormalspiderswebwasallcondensed andneatandthenthecaffeinatedspiderwebwasgoingallovertheplaceitwaslikeFewoo! Fewee!Fwoosh!youknowwhatImean? SometimesifIhaveenoughcaffeineIgetlikethatI'malllikeFewoo! Fewee!Fwoosh!andI'mgoingallovertheplaceyouknowwhatImean?

AlternativestoCaffeine[edit]

SomepeoplesaythatcaffeineisbadforyoubecauseitmakesyourheartgoreallyfastandsoundlikeamachinegunbutIdon'tknowanythingaboutthatI'vebeenoncaffeineforthepastfifteenyearsnow soIdon'tthinkitsreallythatbadbutmaybeitisandiwilldieanearlydeath. Ifyouthinkcaffeinemightbebadforyouthereareseveralalternativestoitthatmakeyouallexcitedandstuffimgoingtotellthemtoyou nowsoyoubetterlistenbecauseaparentlyItalkreallyfastIdon'tthinkIdobuteveryoneImeetsaysthatsoIguesIdoanywayheregoes:

  1. Adreanaline-Adrenalineisgreatyoucanfinditinhospitalsbecausetheyuseitforpeoplewhoseheartsstopbeatingsoifyouraidahospitalyoucangetsomeandinjectacoupledozendoses inI'vehadadrenalinebeforeitwasreallygreatalmostasgoodascaffeinebutitwassohardtogetIthinkiwouldprefercoffee.
  2. Sugar-OndayswhenIhavetwicetheammountofcoffeeInormallydopeopleatworkaskmeifI'vebeeneatingthesugaroutofthesugarbowlofcourseineverdothatIjustdrinkcoffeebutIguesssome peopleliketodothatbecauseittastesgoodtheonlyproblemisittakesalotofsugartogiveyouabuzzanditwearsoffprettyquickly.
  3. Cocaine-Aparentlycocaineisillegalbecausepeoplegetaddictedtoitanditkillspeoplebutitdidn'treallyhaveamajoreffectonmebecauseitookitduringamajorcaffeinehighsonothingreally happenedthatInoticedifyouwanttouseititsprobablymoreharmfulthancaffeineanditcostsahellofalotofmoneybutwhateveryouknowwhatImean?

Inshort[edit]

SoyeahIguesswhatI'mtryingtosayisthemorecaffeinethebetteryouknowwhatImean?


Mommy's medicine cabinet.jpg
   v  d  e
Mommy's Medicine Cabinet

Aspirin | Caffeine | Chantix | Cheerios | Cocaine | Codeine | Coffee | Crack | Crack Corn | Ecstasy | Dexedrine | Gluten | Haoma | HeadOn | Corn Syrup | Jesus Juice | Kittens | Laudium | LSD | Magic mushrooms | Marijuana | MDMA | Medicine | Meth | Opium | Poison | Prozac | Ritalin | Side effects | Soma | The World's Most Powerful Drug | Tylenol | Viagra | Walgreens