Shredding the Your Mom-O-Tar.
|Place of Birth||Houston, Texas|
|Genre(s)||Pigeon Shit Metal, Death Metal, Thrash Metal, Uber Uber Metal, Soft Rock|
|Notable Instruments||Gibson SG, Fender Stratocaster, PRS One, Dean Dimebag Darrell Razorback, Home made Your Mom-o-tar|
|Related Acts||Breathing Fire, Led Zepellin, Strong Bad, Jimi Hendrix, The Cock Throbbers|
|Achievements||Inventing the Octo-Neck guitar, getting hot sauce all over his guitar|
“A horse is a horse,of course of course!”
“Fat chicks need love,too.”
“At the drive in,in your old mans car.Behind the bushes,oh I'll be screamin' for more.Down in the basement,Lock That Cellar door,and baby;Talk Dirty To Me!”
“ROT IN HELL!”
“Party like it's
Chile St.James (Born Roberto Jay Wiggu December 6,1968-December 6,19XX) was born out of wedlock to a priest and a rabbi,in a bar thats location has never been specified.He is best known as the lead guitarist of Strong Bad,and breifly for Led Zeppelin when Jimmy Page went on a bender with John Bonham.He also made a special appearence in the movie Cockfight:THe law of the Land.Fuck <insert name here>!
Birth and Early Life
Chile Fucking Essayenteaeyeayjeeoh (nee Wiggu) was born December 6,1968 to Father McCormick and Rabbi Seinfeld at the School for the Blind in the Janitors closet.Rabbi Seinfeld was asleep at the time,and woke up only to say "What the Fuck?" and went back to sleep in the arms of his lover.Well,he was totally piss drunk.Chile walked out of the school wearing nothing but a diaper,which he still has to this day in his tour bus.
During his elementary years,he picked up hisfirst guitar;a Roy Rogers plastic one,and played Jimi Hendrix's Foxy Lady.Too bad no one was around to see it,as it was 3 a.m. in the morning in the cold house.He proceeded to quit school at age 14,and got high with
Gene Wilder Oscar Wilde.When Jimi Hendrix found out about Chile,he renamed His song "Wilde Thing(Slight Return) to "Voodoo Chile(Badass Motherfucker)".
When Chile got his first electric guitar (a Dean Dimebag Darrell Razorback) from his step-father,Keith Richards,he taped actual razors on the edges,so when Emo kids would cut their wrists to his shredtastic music,he would cut their throat and gut their ass like a pig.On April 5,1985,he found a new cult to torture;The Scene kids.No,they weren't even around back then,but he played guitar so fast he opened a portal to time travel to 2008 to slaughter 'em all.One by one,before massacring them,he dressed like them in a Boys like Girls shirt and hairspray soaked hair,called them a cunt, and shot them in the face.Feeling out of place in the future,he dressed in a Phillies jersey,bought a Starbucks,and stayed in the future,for observation purposes.He saw his future self playing on the street corner for spare change.He often wondered,"What would happen if I traveled time and killed myself?"Armed only with his Dean Razorback,he took his axe,and swung it like a mighty...axe.First he hit himself in the stomach.'80's Chile could feel the pain in his stomach,but dammit,he wanted to find out what would happen.He then decapitated his future self,and created a paradox in which everyone from 1984 and 2008 mixed.Soon,clever McLovin T-Shirts and Life Preservers mixed.What had he done?
Soon,white people got tired of seing the '80s version of the guys they once knew as wearing pants to their knees,tilted hats,and football jerseys.Now,people were walking around with their past selves,reminiscing about what bong they were smoking,or talking about what happened to them in the '90s."White people didn't like seing guys with Jerri curls mix with the ni****s."Chile was quoted as saying.Soon,the entire black community made a much bigger deal out of it than it really was,and soon held another Million Dollar Man March,all against Chile.Meanwhile,Chile hovered above them in a helicopter,and proceeded to Rick Roll them all.That was the final straw.Prince shouted as loud as he could "Get 'im boys."They decided that this would be settled in a Guitar battle.Billed "The Battle of the Honkeys and Niggers",held in Nutley,New Jersey.Over 2 billion people were in attendance at the tiny bingo hall.Prince kicked it off with the Jimi Page classic "Wanna be Startin' something".He played eight straight minutes,and by the end of the set,his fingers were bleeding over his yellow cloud guitar.Chile decided to take the scenic route (I know!) with Morbid Angel's "Albatross".3 guitars,4,000 autographs,a truckload of Pepsi,and a unibrow later,Chile had beaten out Prince with a 19 minute guitar solo and an average of 5 notes of evers half a second.He ended the solo with his rendition of the Star Spangled Banner,to which all two billion in attendance sang along too.Yet,Chile was disqualified as his last name is hispanic and he is only half white.Hell,he's more black than Prince.Even though Prince won,not one person cheered,As his patriotic symbolism united all Americans.
Death and Afterlife
After Chile went into retirement,he ate a peanut that eventually gave him leprosy,anus cancer,and diarhea.As the leprosy kicked in,his anus fell off,and he cured leprosy with that same peanut.All he had to deal with was the diarhea,as he downed a whole bottle of Pepto Bismol,he realized it was arsenic,and made a martini out of it.He invited Prince over,as their rivalry was still unresolved,to share in one last memorie with his foe,in order to make peace.In reality,he just wanted that motherfucker dead.As the arsenic kicked in,his last words were "I Pnw3d ur arse!11!one!!"It was later revealed that Prince was the one who poisoned Chile.Prince later died of "natural causes",and arsenic was found in his stomach contents,along with a cheeto flavored condom and Keith Richards' Dad's ashes.His grave is inscripted "He died without an anus,yet shall he remain an asshole in our hearts forever..."
- Strong Bad:Greatest Hits (1976)
- Yeah,You! (1976)
- Say what? (1977)
- Steal this Album (19lol)
- Earwig Mother (1979)
- Self Titled (1981)
- Thriller (1984)
- OMG GTFO/OMGWTFBBQ1 (Double Album,1984)
- Okay,thats enough (1985)
- Pft,Whatever Bitch (1986)
- We're only putting out this album because we are under contract to put out more albums (1986)
- Fuck da Police (1988)
- Bleach (1989)
- Holy Shit I can time travel (2012 and 2076 on planet Xolter)
Did you know...
- Noel Gallagher,thats who.
- He claims his Favorite food is Crab Rangoons.
- He did not sleep with that woman.
- He built the great pyramid out of Lego's,but was hit by a flaming pie.6 were killed,11 were injured.
- He is indestructable,but can spontaneously combust.
- His favorite band is Creed,yet he was a member for a brief period in 1997.
- He is a student at every basket ball game.Twice.
- Wouldn't fuck with Samuel L. Jackson,nor Samwell.
- He commited suicide because a friend bet him 20 bucks if he would.
- Chile Invented the words "Quiz","Moustache","? and the Mysterians","Runt","Elvis",and "Champion",although he did not define them.
- Would rather sleep the day off than kick Princes' ass again,stating "If they paid me with something rather than Apple Pies and Detroit Lions decals."
- Invented the concept of the Blowdryer,and the Blowjob.He got the idea after watching a toaster huff a kitten,of course,this is after he Huffed a kitten.
- Once beat Kurt Angle in a "Who has more balls match?"He won by 7;Two basketballs,and Three baseballs.
- Favorite Pizza is Ham,Pepperoni,Sausage,Pineapple,Jalapenos,and Kushrooms topped with goat blood.
- Chile believes all Religion's are equal,except for those prick-ass Satanists and those whack-ass Scientologists.
- Had a horrible accident involving Bacon Bits and a Veg-Head,in which he called himself a "Vag-Head" and hasn't blinked since.