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The neck is a part of the body on most mammals and other creatures which attaches the head to the body. It contains a portion of the spine and digestive system, as well as several important arteries and veins that are part of the respiratory system.

Anatomy of the Neck[edit]

Bony Anatomy: The Cervical Spine[edit]

Arteries of the neck.

The portion of the spine contained in the neck is typically seven bony segments (called vertabrae) long, with cartilage discs that separate each of the vertabrae. The first segment, labelled C1, is called the atlas and supports the head. This construction allows for some support while still maintaining mobility, which unfortunately means that when you sleep on the couch or the floor (which do not provide additional support) your neck will start to kill you. Unlike other parts of the body, the neck is a total bastard when it comes to being stiff, and you typically need to rest comfortably for several days to get the kinks out of the damn thing, which isn't really an option when the reason it started hurting in the first place is because your cheating whore of a wife took your bed to go fuck an English guy, now is it?

Soft Tissue Anatomy[edit]

Veins of the neck.

And what the fuck is up with necks in the first place? You'd think that being the dominant species on this interstellar hunk of rock would mean that we'd get some cool claws or fangs or some shit like that. But no, just to spite the entire process of Natural Selection, we evolve the fucking neck. Let me give you a run down on just how retarded this is: you have the head, which contains all the primary sensory organs (which are just a little important) and your brain (which is VERY fucking important). Then, you have your body, which, I don't know, contains your lungs, and your digestive system, and (unless you're my fucking wife) your goddamn heart, which also might be considered kind of important. And what brilliant marvel of natural engineering to you have to connect these two important life systems? The fucking neck. All of the important nervous or respiratory transport between the most major organs of the body travels through the neck, which is protected by a layer of skin with the consistency of a thick sock. Pretty good work there, right?

Respiratory Systems[edit]

Fucking armadillos.

I mean, that's as good an argument as any for Intelligent Design, because the only way I think we could've survived for thousands of years as a species (besides having the females fuck ANYTHING THAT MOVES) with such an anatomical liability is if someone plopped us down this way. But then again, if that were the case, where's my fucking armor plating or my spines and shit that protect my neck? Fucking ARMADILLOS have armor plating, and here I am, apparently God's greatest and most beloved creation, and what do I get? An oversized stuffed manicotti where my armor plating should be, which if cut open doesn't shoot out my (fucking) wife's delicious meatsauce, it shoots out all the fucking fluids that makes my body work. Yeah, thanks a lot, that's real fucking swell. What kind of 'just and loving' God would do that? NO KIND, that's what, and unless the Father of all Creation is mentally deficient then let me tell you your own fucking neck should be all the proof you need for the non-existence of God. It would be enough for me, too, if my contractually bound harlot didn't just fucking leave me for a guy who doesn't know what an 'elevator' is and drives on the wrong fucking side of the street.

Neck Pain[edit]

Yeah, that's right, my wife gets to piss off to the land of tea and Hugh fuckin' Grant while I get stuck with a flaw of mammalian design that has a predilection for whiplash, strep throat, and cancer because of all the cigarettes I've been smoking to keep awake so I don't fucking have to lie down on it anymore. There's a reason that fucking hanging is the most popular form of suicide.

Which gives me a spectacular fucking idea.

See Also[edit]