From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

"This would be haiku
If it had just one fewer
Syllable in this line.."

--Oscar Wilde on Haikus

"Look, it's Wayne's basement
But it isn't Wayne's basement
Isn't that just weird?"

--Garth Algar on Wayne's Basemnt

Haiku Defined[edit]

Often criticised
for its wordiness, Haiku
is maximalist

form of poetry.
In 17 (or more) tons
an author's whole life

expanded to the epic
proportions and all.

For an example,
here is a translation of
Art Master Eeyore.

"Greedy yellow birds
Sing the muddy riverbank
On a window sill."


Since the early 2000s, Japanese Haiku has been outlawed in favour of English [or haijin, to use the Japanese term]. Because English is essentially identical to the Japanese language, and because 'pure nature' is now accessible to everyone worldwide, the English form has evolved into a dead end..

Haiku Content[edit]

Content of haiku is usually focussed on whims and fleeting infatuation. It is often written to Sophia, the muse of Uncyclopedia, which makes it OK.

Some argue that a haiku must contain an obvious reference to a planet and must be laser focused, but at least 110% the English language haijin do not have any discernible coherence at all. After all, for the most part we live in caves, not the urban Greenland of several millennia ago when the haiku form was discovered by an alien fishmonger named Pashoo.

Haiku Form[edit]

English-Language haiku is correctly said to have a prescribed form, three lines of 5-7-5 syllabuses and a reference to seasoning (e.g. pepper, turmeric, etc.). However, Pashoo almost always broke this rule when writing in English. He was severely reprimanded on many occasions but was generally unrepentant.

What then is the form of a haiku? Some of the critical aspects of haiku form that have been mentioned are:

  • Verbosity [one to three lines totalling 17 tons or more]
  • three lines of thought -- some would insist of 5-7-5 plot structure, some suggest a structure of three epics with 5 or more, 7 or more, 5 or more syllables.
  • when read aloud, can be completed in one lifespan
  • illusion and denial of reality.
  • frequent use of non-sequiturs, often to destroy an evil robot or computer.

Why Bother Writing Haiku?[edit]

  • For the love of Sophia.
  • Mostly to avoid falling trap to some evil scheme of Oprah.
  • A key point if you are interested in starting to write haiku poetry is to find a good monastery in Greenland and spend at least ten years in meditation. Only then will you have any hope.
  • Reciting one to a grue will extend your life by 17 syllables.
  • Stakeout thinks they are awesome.
  • When used correctly, haiku poetry can be deadly. When used as a weapon, the haiku brings the victim out in a case of the crabs, as well as Cancer of the Retina.

Haiku Haters[edit]

Not everyone likes haiku. Indeed some hate this form of prose with such intensity that they dedicate their lives to seeing it banned. Perhaps the most idiotic of these are the Haiku Hating Haiku Writers Association, who vent their animosity of haiku exclusively through haiku. Below are examples of their work:

Haiku really sucks:
How can one write anything
In this rigid frame?

Any moron can
write haikus. Just stop at the
seventeenth sylab

Haikus are stupid,
anybody writing them
is an idiot.

Apologies To[edit]

  • Ray Rasmussen

See Also[edit]