User:Mykell/The Young Ones (TV Series)

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Being Rewritten

Prorick.jpg Listen kids
Bomb-laying master of oblivion Rick here! You know how much I love to dig the kids and the scene, righty?
So love this article like the free-thinking, clean-bottom anarchists that you are. Don't be a fascist Thatcher on Rick, k kids?!
The epitamy of 80's student life.
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about The Young Ones (TV series).

“Don't get uncool and heavy on me now.”

~ Neil on Bad Vibes

“Piss off you girl!”

~ Vyv on Rick

“No, no, he spells it with a silent P.”

~ Vyv on The Spelling of (P)rick's Name

The Young Ones was a gritty, 80's TV documentry that focused on the squalid living conditions faced by the student during the Thatcher years. It featured four students who had no money, were destitute and forced to live together in a end-terrace property whose landlord was an insane Liverpudlian with a stupid accent.

Each day was monotonous with the students trying desperately to stave off the boredom that a failed government forced upon them. Such days were rife with:

  • Neil's possessions getting destroyed.
  • Vyv practically destroying the entire house.
  • Mike attempting to lay any girl but always ending up with the inflatable lovedoll.
  • Rick reading some ungodly abysmal poetry about Cliff Richard.

Worse still, since this gritty urban program was broadcast during the height of the Alternative Comedy scene many millions of viewers mistook the show for a comedy, often laughing at each student's plight and low standard of living. That and they shouted "poo", "bum", "nob", "wibbly bits" and "Thatcher" a lot.

Introduction to the Students (As described by themselves)[edit]


Neil Pye - Like, heavy man. I'm meant to be, right, the new-age guy who dreams of flowers and peace and pot, but, and get this, right, the guys keep laying, right, these big, like, bad vibe trips on me, man. It's a major bummer, man, like, having to do all the housework, cooking and cleaning but, like, if I don't do it, right, Vyv, man, is going to set my bedroom on fire. And that's, like, totally uncool.

Rick - Gor blummy likes a blumdo! Rick here speaking to all you fascist Thatherites! I am sex! People want me and they're prepared to pay for it! I'm too pretty for prison as I'd get raped and am a free-thinking, bottom-winded anarchist from the planet Bigbollocks at the gates of hell to the fires of oblivion. And I haven't even paid my fare! I'm sure you've all heard of my great poetry about Cliff Richard and Felicity Kendal!

Vyvyan Basterd - Ha, ha, Rick's a virgin!

Rick - I AM NOT A VIRGIN!!! If I was then how would I know what a girlie's bottom looks like, eh!? Answer me that!

Vyvyan Basterd - By looking in the mirror!

Mike Thecoolperson - Alright, easy guys, easy. Mike Thecoolperson here, ladies, hoping to meet some of you lovely females here in Uncyclopedia land. Just remember, baby, my phone number is my size in inches!

Vyvyan Basterd - I'm completely bloody sick of this!

Neil Pye - Oh no, our Uncyclopedia article is having a row!

Vyvyan Basterd - Shut it, hippy!


Neil Pye - Oww, oh wow, I can't, like, see now, man. So unfashionably uncool!!!

Mike Thecoolperson - Okay guys, I think we're overplaying the descriptive side of our natures. There's a party in the square and the vicar isn't invited, so let's settle ourselves down like the flannels I didn't buy in Tesco's.

Rick - Erm... What was that, Mike?

Vyvyan Basterd - Look, mateys, Vyv here. Doctor in the making! If you don't believe me I'll show you my scalpel physically. Down your face. Then run you down in my Ford Anglia! That's all you need to know about me, and all you need to know about Rick is that he's a virgin!


Talentless Balovzsky - Hey guys! Listen to me and my 10 minute monologue about Dr. Marten boots and the trouble I have looking like Mousolini!

Rik, Neil, Mike and Vyv - Oh no!!!

John Noakes - My nob's bigger than Heathrow Airport!


Below is each episode that was broadcast along with a brief synopsis of the content.

Demolition - Vyvyan is let loose under the foundations and finds a rogue stick of dynamite left over from WWII. Rick attempts to read a poem he's written about the futility of war, especially if you were German, at which point Vyv ties him up and throws him from Tower Bridge. Mike tries to calm things down when Tragedy Balowvsky makes an appearence, causing mass comas.

Charming - Rick goes on the charm offensive, serenading a multitude of females with poetry about war, Cliff and the little bits of fluff you find in your pockets after you've washed them. 3 weeks later, after his testicles finally re-descended, Rick changes tact. Meanwhile, Neil writes a song that becomes a world-wide smash forcing Vyv to make him eat furniture, hamster poo and Reginald Balowvisvsky who had dropped in unannounced to try and be funny about cactus plants and verrucas. Mike stayed locked up in a cupboard as the writers couldn't think of anything funny to do with him.

Mother - Mike starts seeing Rick's mother causing Rick to become the first emo in history, writing poetry to reflect his inner angst (this is where the whole notion of emo poetry originated from (which explains why emo poetry is such utter, utter shite)). Vyvyan films everything that goes on in Mike's bedroom and plans to post it on the Internet until he discovers that Rick never had a mother and was created by biological experiments in Iraq. Neil successfully kills himself just as Portly Balowisvssky smashes through thw windows making random stupid noises and trying desperately hard to be funny.

Bad Day - Oh no, man! Neil's in a depression and it, like, brings the whole house down. Things aren't helped when Todidally Balowisifisky turns up and whitters on unrelentlessly about condom flavours and why he doesn't have any hair. Mass suicide follows but only after a guest appearence from the band 'The Wristslashers'.

Provyv.jpg Rick's a Virgin!
I'm completely bloody sick of this, I'm off to stuff loads and loads of paper down the toilet!

Examples of Rick's Poetry[edit]


Prince Charming,
You wear the balming,
Lotion of the calming,
Of the skin disorder.
But it isn't what you ought to,
Suffer with,
If you only listened to Cliff,
Isn't that what society is, fascists?!"

Cquote1.png Rock and roll, baby

Doesn't make me say maybe
About the threat of nuclear war,
But that isn't a bore
To the likes of me.
And you.
What can we do?"

Cquote1.png Oh Cliff, Cliff!

Have you ever wondered If
You were but a whiff
Of female, then I may, Cliff
Experience the Devil Woman.