User:Orian57/Why?:Are My Kidneys Mad at Me?

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Kidneys filter all the blood in the human body once every forty minutes. They clean all the harmful materials – Urea, excess salts, alcohol and the pesky hormones that accompany it – out of the blood like a constant house wife. I think that deserves a round of applause, don’t you?

They dutifully detox and maintain homeostasis – and for what? Most people just don’t thank them enough until the day they really start taking the piss.

Being a nurse I’ve seen it too many times (once) before. I was then and there converted; I properly started looking after them and giving them some rest bite by borrowing the dialysis machine from time to time.

So why have they given me a kidney stone? Why are they mad at me?

And Why Now?[edit]

I am in the dead centre of the super market trying to decide between buying Tesco’s own “Frosted Snaps” or the proper Kellogg’s version.

And then it hits me.

Like a stiletto being forced through my abdomen and jiggled about a bit. I don’t often scream in public (it’s one of those personal things I can only do directly into my pillow) but it starts low and then grows and grows and grows until I find myself screaming in unison!

The woman standing several feet away from me, in a puddle of her own piss is apparently empathising. Which is nice of her but I don’t find pregnancy much of a turn on.

“My water just broke.” She informs as a horribly warm, wetness streams down my jeans.

“Oh-ho-oh! Mine too!” I say pointing at my trousers. I’ve probably got off on the wrong foot, judging by her face. We share another pained wince before she starts glaring at me.

“You just don’t know what pain is, whatever’s wrong with you. I’ve done this before” she states, making it sound like a threat.