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“School is the place that Fun goes to die.”

“P What?.”

~ Br Matt

Padua College Kedron[edit]

Padua is "A Catholic School for Boys, under the care of Fransican Friars" located in the, cant decide if it wants to be a good or bad, inner Brisbane suburb of Kedron.



Padua was founded in 1966 when the Catholic Church evicted the strong hippie community dwelling on a large piece of inner city land and built a school on it.

The Facist Revolution[edit]

Currently the school is in the grips of a tumoltous facist revolution. The revolution was insighted by the staff of the school in early 2005 and reached its pinacle with the appointment of Unterfurher Foster. Revolutionary ideas were spread with the issue of a copy of Mein Kampf to every member of staff, including the groundsmen, who burnt it to keep warm during the harsher months. All staff were ordered to read a chapter of the book every night and sleep with it under their pillow. Staff member who rejected the revolution were sent to death camps.


The staff or "Inner Party Members" at Padua College are an amiable bunch. Little can be said about them as they are secretive and vindicitve.

The staff are the backbone of Padua. They spend most of their time teaching classes, drinking hard spirits in the staff room and generally schemeing against the largely innocent student body.

The staff frequently lose to the student teams in lunch time "friendly" sporting matches.

The greatest ever member of staff was Toshi. He was the slightly hedonistic little man that previously held the reigns of the Japanese department before it fell to the horrors of the fascist revolution. Toshi was a mad dude.

AND the Legendry Kevin peart ALSO KNOWN AS KP

Staff "Inner Party Members" '06[edit]

  • Öberfuhrer
  • Unterfuhrer (upholding national socialist values)
  • Unterfurher (discipline and deportation)
  • Unterfurher (Education) [this position may soon be redundant by order of senior inner party members]

    “Universal education is the most corroding and disintergrating poison that liberlism has ever invented”

  • Unterfurher (Propaganda)
  • Öberleutnant (Mitchell Haus)
  • Öberleutnant (Grigg Haus)
  • Öberleutnant (Bierne Haus)
  • Öberleutnant (Odric Haus)

Student Leaders[edit]

Student Leaders at Padua College are elected through use of a highly democratic system, that serves as a true relfection of the leadership choices of the whole school community. The process begins by the nomination of candidates by the senior class. Candidates do not run for the position and have no say as to whether they want the position or not. Speeches of the candidates values and beliefs are not made, this is practice for later as what they believe ultimatly, doesnt matter for anything.

for a greater insight into the Paduan way of choosing leaders see: Irony, Puppet Government, Despotism, George Orwell, Mein Kampf

Famous Graduates[edit]

Throughout the 50 Proud years of its existance many now famous faces have graduated Padua College, the majority of whom have attempted to distance themselves as much as possible from the school, often by faking their own death.

Some of many celebritys who have graduated from Padua in the past but have managed to escpae the clutches of the school through the faking of their own deaths, as well as in some cases sex change annd apperance altering operations are:

Fonzie, The Queen (of England), Woddy Allen, Englebert Humpadink, Oscar Wilde, Garry Glitter, Elmo, The other three members of Queen, Aesop, Charlie Chaplin, Dracula, Julia Roberts (when she was a schoolboy), Barry Gibb, 2-Pac, Abe Lincoln, Buffy

Some of the misguided souls who now regeret thier discision not to cut all ties with the school are:

-Eddie Groves - Owns ABC childcare, if theres not one next to you now close your eyes for five secons... Now open them yep sure enough there it is an ABC childcare just sprung up near you.

-Paul "Fatty" Vaughton - The Fat, that dude off the footy show.

-all rest are demi-famous rugby league players known by few and cared for by even fewer.

Academic Standards[edit]

Padua endeavours to uphold high academic standards for all students. The high standards achieved by the school are at their pinacle when students reach the "senior grade". An example of the high standards of acadmeic excellence in English achieved by Padua's seniors can be seen below.

Padua's level of academic excellence as demonstrated by the 2006 "seniers"

(Note that it is intended to say "Seniors 06" and not "semens 96". As noted above, a fine example of the paduan academic standards)


"PW" (prounounced P-DUB) Stands for Padua Wavell. They are a gang of semi-retarded kids and school drop outs who at one stage or another attended Padua College or Wavell High School. To become a member of PW an aspiring gang member must complete an arduous inititation ritual. This invloves either threatening to beat someone up over a period of at least 3 months and never doing it, or licking the left testicle of an existing PW member, repeatedly. In there spare time PW enjoying failing at everything, threatening to beat up kids at least half their size, and man on man bukkake.


As would be expected, the Fascist Academy of Padua College partakes in many sporting endeavors in order to demonstrate dominance over its rivals, a value held dear by facism. The Aryan Uberrace, or the "Jocks", or "the below average Average" (denoting the fact that they refer to themselves as "average") as they are popularly referred to, participate heavily in these contests. (Many of whom only do so for the "after match celebrations" in the change rooms.)

The Colleges favorite passtime is Rugby, or "Fuddhy". It is a game played by verile young Padua Youth enthusiasts in which members of opposing teams run at, and grapple each other for extended periods. See: Gay sex.

After these grueling contests, participants relax by lifting weights, or putting Crooksey in a Vinnies Bin.