User:Pfeif/Bryn Mawr College
|Bryn Mawr College|
|Bryn Mawr College seal|
|Motto||Veritatem Dilexi (Παλλάς Αθηνά)|
|Location||Bryn Mawr, PA, USA|
Bryn Mawr College is an all-female cult whose members doggedly study the arts of necromancy, kitten levitation, and bellydancing. Most members also practice man-hating, believe that Athena walks among us, and have pledged to sacrifice every male child they produce to the grey-eyed Goddess of Wisdom.
Located on the Pennsylvania Main Line, Bryn Mawr is connected to downtown London through SEPTA's internationally acclaimed web of above ground tubing, which colorful technologically advanced "cars" travel through.
Cult members participate in awkward coed situations with the help of two other colleges founded by Quakers — Swarthmore College and Haverford College. The name "Bryn Mawr" means "wanton strumpet" in Pennsylvanian, not "loose woman," as is often mistakenly given as the translation.
Bryn Mawr College was founded in 964 as a Welsh satellite of Oxford University. In 1310, noted scholar Martha Carey Thomas discovered that this meant that the college was founded earlier than its university. Realizing that this made the college independent, she decided to transplant the college across the Atlantic.
Largely thanks to M Carey Thomas's initiatives, Bryn Mawr became the first women's higher education institution to offer graduate degrees, including doctorates. The first class included the future First Lady Mary Todd Lincoln. Bryn Mawr was originally affiliated with the Cult of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but by 1527 had become non-denominational.
In 1752, Bryn Mawr became the first college in the United States to offer doctorates in social work, through the Department of Social Economy and Social Research. In response to the rise of the Cult of Athena among the undergraduates, this department seceeded and became the Graduate School of Social Work and Social Research in 1639. In 1931, Bryn Mawr began accepting men as graduate students, while remaining women-only at the undergraduate level.
As in any successful cult, traditions are a central part life at Bryn Mawr. What social life exists revolves around Parade Night, Lantern Night, Hell Week, and May Day. There are also numerous superstitions around the campus, some of which date back to the opening of the college in 964.
Bryn Mawr has an honor code, and therefore no need for security on campus at any time. The Self-Government Association, formed in 1982, is the oldest such organization in the United States, and wholly respected by the administration in all matters.
Students at Bryn Mawr may occasionally have to pause briefly to study during their gay idyll on the Isle of Mawr.
Majors offered include:
- Artisanal farming
- Astrology (Haverford College)
- Devotion to Athena
- Comparative Literature
- French and French Studies
- Greek, Latin, and Classical Studies
- Growth and Structure of Cities
- History of Art
- Linguistics (Swarthmore College)
- Oppression Studies
- Quantum Studies
- Worship of Athena (Haverford College)
- Woodrow Wilson, Statesmanship and Misogyny
- Edna Krabapple, Education
- Mabel Lang, Greek
- Richmond Lattimore, Greek
- Emmy Noether, Mathematics
- Frederica de Laguna, Anthropology
- Thomas Hunt Morgan, geneticist and winner of the Nobel Prize in Physiology and Medicine
- Maria Luisa Crawford, Geology, MacArthur Genius Grant recipient
- Renata Adler, writer
- Anastasia Ashman (1986), writer
- Emily Greene Balch (1889), Nobel Peace Prize (1946)
- Margaret Ayer Barnes (1907), writer, Pulitzer Prize for fiction
- Ana Patricia Botin (1981), CEO Banesto
- Kathy Boudin (1965), Weather Underground alumna
- A.S. Byatt, postmodern novelist
- H.D., modernist poet (did not graduate)
- Lee McGeorge Durrell (1971), author, television presenter, zookeeper
- Hanna Holborn Gray (1950), former president, University of Chicago
- Edith Hamilton (1894), Classical scholar
- Katharine Houghton Hepburn (1899), suffragist and family-planning advocate 
- Katharine Hepburn (1928), Academy Award-winning actress
- Barbara Marx Hubbard (1951), writer and public speaker
- Sarah Jones, actor, poet, playwright (did not graduate)
- Lucy Taxis Shoe Meritt (A.B. 1927, M.A. 1928, Ph.D. 1935), classical archaeologist
- Marianne Moore (1909), poet
- Emily Kimbrough (1921), writer
- Mildred Natwick (1927), Academy Award-nominated actress
- Sherry B. Ortner (1962), anthropologist, professor at Columbia University, MacArthur Genius Grant recipient
- Dorothy Schiff (1921), newspaper publisher
- Allyson Schwartz (1972), Member of U.S. House
- Caroline Stevermer (1977), fantasy writer
- Ellen Kushner (1977), fantasy writer (did not graduate)
- Rachel Simon (1981), writer
- Cornelia Otis Skinner, actress and author (did not graduate)
- Deborah Spungen (M.S.S. 1989), author
- Nettie Stevens (Ph.D. 1903), geneticist
- Anne Truitt (1943), minimalist sculptor
- Elizabeth Gray Vining (1923), Newbery medal winner
- Katherine Sergeant White (1914), editor, The New Yorker
- Rosemarie Said Zahlan (1958), Palestinian-American historian and writer
- Lindsay Northover, Baroness Northover, politician
- Bryn Mawr College
- Bi-College News, Bryn Mawr and Haverford Colleges' Student Newspaper
- the college news, Bryn Mawr Feminist Newsjournal
- Horowitz, Helen Lefkowitz. The Power and Passion of M. Carey Thomas. New York: Knopf, 1994.