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Your mother is so fat, when her telegraph machine beeps, people are quick to draw the conclusion that she is backing up.
Mark twain

Hi, my name is Ross. The following things about me are almost certainly true:

  • I am not a pipe.
  • I do not have more than 2 Arms. However, I do have 4 eyes.
  • I think Scooters are pretty much the best thing ever, after bagels.
  • I am < 100 years old.

I was given the

Joseph McCarthy Award The Joseph McCarthy Award of Continuity


My Article Santa Clause has been nominated for Feature Article. Please vote for it!

I created the following Category, and have been either the author or primary contributor of the following group of articles. Please, dear god, feel free to add articles to this category. As for the ones I've written, damned if I don't say so myself, I'm proud of them (even if my proofreading isn't exactly what you would call "thorough":

The Yuletide Testament[edit]

Other Articles[edit]

I authored, or was majority contributor/significant revisor on the following, which I am also proud of:

I created the following stub(s). They're somewhat good ideas that must be expanded. Please, please consider adding to them.

I am currently working on the following:

  • Keebler Elves
  • Department Store Santa Claus
  • The Great Morricide (A Battle Between Mozzers and Morrissey Dancers For Domination of the Sport.)
  • The Iran-Cola Affair, a historical discussion of the hostages-for-sodas scandal, and the war that broke out in the wake of the scandal, events that rocked America in the 1980s.
  • Smurflam - the religion of the Smurfs.
  • Christmas In July

Someone else brilliantly got things rolling on The Keebler Rebellion. It's hilarious.

Images I've created:

NOTE: I realized after I started writing that I should create an account. As a result, you'll see my ISP, rather than my name, on quite a few of my early contributions. I promise I'm not simply lamely biting off other people's efforts and hard work. However, I am a shameless whore!)