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Francium (symbol Fr, atomic number 87) is a radioactive alkali metal found in uranium and thorium ore in France.


Discovered in 1939 at the Curie Institute in Paris, the first samples of the newly-identified francium quickly surrendered to a test-tube filled with germanium on June 24, 1940. Francium was nonetheless soon put to use by Free French forces as the prinicpal ingredient in freedom fries. Not to be confused with the now exhausted Vichy Francium or Franco-American Spagetti Os.

Sir Henry Francium 1843-1865[edit]

There are many rumors that state that francium was also discovered hundeds of years previously in a remote part of Norfolk, England by Sir Henry Francium. It is supposed that, whilst digging in his garden for marrows he came upon a large quantity of a soft, smoking metal. When he took it inside his small 3 bedroom apartment to give it a clean (using a damp cloth and vast quantities of 'Brasso') it reacted violently with the water in the cloth, blowing him, all of his friends, his cat, and the woman who lived on the floor above to hell. Unfortunately, since everyone within a 3 mile radius was killed, there was no one to fight his case that he had discovered a new element. Later (1939) the Currie institute found a way of keeping francium contained long enough to discover it. In a desperate act of guilt enduced kindness they agreed to name it after Sir Henry.

The 1974 Ocean Test[edit]

In 1974, one microgram of francium was dropped into lake erie, which completelty anhilated the city of Cleveland, Ohio and enflamed the Cuyohoga River for the 812,564th time. FEMA was contacted and was quoted saying, "Where the Fuck is Cleveland". The former residents of Cleveland are still living in trailor homes,including the Downtown area where fugly 35-story trailors line avenue C. FEMA was punished by Gearld Ford and to this day Fema has never ever'' made a mistake.

Francium facts[edit]

  • The heaviest of the alkali metals, all known isotopes of francium are highly unstable.
  • While there are 41 known isotopes of francium, with at most a 22 minute half life these exist primarily to provoke various negative chemical reactions from certain isotopes of americium.
  • Francium-233 is the only francium isotope to occur naturally, appearing primarily in chic but overpriced French caf├ęs and bistros.
  • Francium is not recommended for medical usage in either pill or suppository forms.
  • Francium, although useful in theory for many applications, is not practical as it evaporates under pressure.
  • Francium is highly volatile in water.
  • The most common use of Francium is mostly used for chicken.

See also[edit]