From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Mewtwo (born September 5 1966) is a mysterious emo Pokémon from the most distant corner of Eurasia. He is also a clone of Mew.


Mewtwo was born on September 5 1966 in Florida, specifically in the countryside just south of London, soon to become Airstrip One, as a result of a cloning experiment done by stupid scientists who were killed by Mew. Mewtwo was an idealistic youth and longed to make a difference in the world. Much unlike many of his peers, he enjoyed growing up in a time of social reform. He began attending school at Hogwarts University in 1981 where he met his future compatriot, Horatio Brother, Horatio was a very large man so everyone took to calling him Big Brother. Horatio and Mewtwo would sit in the back of their shared political science class and discuss the problems of government with each other and how said problems should be rectified. They soon created a campus club to raise awareness about the actions of the British government. Mewtwo is also known for founding Wikipedia in 1975.

Mewtwo was once quoted in People Magazine as saying, "If I could kill just one person, it would Ben Roethlisberger." However, he has since denied this, saying he adores the Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback: "He gives big, freaky-looking dudes like me a reason to believe I'll be worth a damn someday."

Militant Beginnings[edit]

The two arranged protests and demonstrations on campus. They even found themselves to be featured in local newspapers, the conservative townspeople referring to them as "crazies" and "activists" and "people who try to do something". Their friendship was further cemented by this criticism and they rapidly became inseparable. In the year 1983, a civil war broke out, it is speculated that Horatio and Mewtwo's political activism helped to catalyze the tensions that triggered the first fighting. Whether this is true or not, Mewtwo and Horatio rapidly brought the campus to arms and formed a student army. The army was small at first, but well supplied. Refugees would come to the Hogwarts campus looking for shelter, it would be given to them, and once they were reasonably healthy, they would join the campus army. The campus was surprisingly well fortified and withheld against all attack. Soon Horatio began urging Mewtwo to take the offensive, he would say;

Soon Mewtwo gave in and began to lead the Student Party Army through the countryside, liberating all who fell in their path.

The Birth of The Party, The Folly of Mewtwo[edit]

Mewtwo and Horatio fought their way through the countryside to the heart of London, where they staged a bloody coup and successfully asploded parliament, they dedicated the day to the memory of Guy Fawkes. Then they rebuilt the Ministry of Truth out of the rubble of the parliament building and became the founding fathers of our glorious party. Unfortunately, Comrade Mewtwo was discovered to be a traitor by the Thought Police and now has never existed. He was held under the Ministry of love for two years, then brought forward in front of his old companion, Horatio, and he confessed to hundreds of sins against the party. Including the trade of intelligence to Eurasian spies, actively speaking out against the party, manipulation of rations so that he could hoard cigarettes and razor blades, and tweaking the Auction House with a 3rd party program.

Current Whereabouts[edit]

No one is exactly sure where Mewtwo fucking is right now. Many believe him to be dead, having taken his own life after his fucking terrible performance in UFC 1985 Yet some party members claim to have seen him from time to time in the Chestnut Tree Cafe, wearing a cordorouy jacket with a brown cap, drinking gin spiced with cloves, and smoking a Victory Cigarette. Another theory is that he turned pussy after the 1st pokemon movie, started talking to cats and went round lifting up islands and complaining. Claims of sightings are so numerous as to suggest there may be something behind them, but why would Mewtwo be allowed to escape in such a way? Some say he was executed by the Thought Police, shot in the back of the neck; after all, they always shoot you in the back of the neck. Most people, however, believe that he lives on some Godforsaken mountain in an equally Godforsaken land. They couldn't be more wrong. Mewtwo currently lives in the Florida swamps.

Notable Powers[edit]

Even before the revolt against the British government, Mewtwo was singled out for his amazing abilities that put Jean Grey to shame. It was rumored to have a brain functioning at a level of energy sufficient for a large city. Some rumors even theorized that Britain is powered entirely by Mewtwo's brain, but as Mewtwo does not exist, that is clearly crimethink. Mewtwo developed this power further through intense projection of psychic energy. This energy always ended up turning dark purple for reasons unknown. As it was highly destructive, government officials ordered Mewtwo to wear a dorky-looking helmet, but due to the ridicule Mewtwo suffered, they sympathized and removed it, with the condition that Mewtwo must promise to never ever ever ever ever use his powers for evil. Although his brain has the power to crush the souls and minds of every person on the planet, Mewtwo still can not retain more than 4 moves.

MewTwo in Super Smash Bros. Melee[edit]

It's a common fact that MewTwo never appeared in SSBM, and if anyone tells you that he did, it's a lie. All pics are photoshopped, and anyone that claims to have him probably hacked their GameCube. If anyone tells you they have MewTwo, automatically slap them, call them a mother fucking asshole son of a bitch and a liar, and walk away, if they keep bothering you, mindrape them with the force. If you don't have the force, use a tazer. That works well too. Hey, let's go crazy. Use an RPG, slugger, and show that purple cube thing who's boss. If you see him on your own copy, break the GameCube and kill yourself.

Mewtwo: the Animated Series[edit]

In 2007, Mewtwo became the star of his own TV show. Below are several of the episodes of this program.

  1. Mewtwo loves his computer. See episode 1.
  2. Mewtwo's mother says the Empire State Building is in Washington, D.C. and serves him bean burritos. See episode 28.
  3. Mewtwo thinks that six times four is fourteen. See episode 3.
  4. Mewtwo likes Hamtaro. See episode 9 where Hamtaro and Boss go to Baltimore.
  5. Mewtwo likes the Wii. See Episode 13 when he pronounces Wii "Why".
  6. Mewtwo's only real friend is Ilya. See Episode 2 when they meet for the first time.
  7. Mewtwo likes Cade McNown, and McNown likes Mewtwo. See Episode 21 when Mewtwo and Ilya team up with McNown to battle Bob Saget and the Tourettes Guy.
  8. Mewtwo hates the Baltimore Ravens, but Wally Gator does.
  9. Mewtwo likes Pokemon, but not as much as Wimzie's House. See episode 7.
  10. Mewtwo loves loves LOVES Cartoon Network and the channel doesn't care.See Episode 33 when Mewtwo hugs the channel.
  11. Mewtwo likes YouTube, but this site hates him. See episode 39 when Patrick cracks into Mewtwo's computer!
  12. Mewtwo hates Ness (Because he hates psychic competition) see episode 46 for more rubbish
  13. Mewtwo is distantly related to Giygas, who hates Ness as well. See episode 66.
  14. Mewtwo celebrated in his home when Ness got owned by Wario see episode 91
  15. Mewtwo has a Beagle. See episode 29 where he buys a Jerry West DVD
  16. Mewtwo has had several guest stars on his show, including Cade McNown, Shawne Merriman, Bob Saget, Jimbo Wales, Chuck Norris, and Mr. T.
  17. Mewtwo lost his virginity to his father, who gave birth to his own aunt. See episode 69
  18. Mewtwo lost his virginity 5 times since his last abortion. See episode 69.3
  19. Mewtwo is both a homosexual and a homophobic. See episode 135
  20. Mewtwo's day shift in Ann Summers, plays with all the toys, maybe a little too much! see episode 999.0...2
  21. Mewtwo gets revenge on Hitler for stealing in nachos!
  22. Mewtwo's mother comes to visit. His mother always wanted him to become a happily married lawyer, not the best pokemon ever. So, he calls up Mew ,and they have a crazy day. Here is a snippet of the episode. See Episode 56.
    • Momtwo: Mewtwo, I'm here!
    • Mewtwo: Hello, Momtwo. How are you?
    • Momtwo: Quite good, me boy. Now where is this wife of yours?
    • Mewtwo: Why... she's right over there. (points to Mew)(studio audience laughter)
    • Mew: Yes... I'm.... his wife. (studio audience laughter)
    • Mewtwo: And, I'm a lawyer! (studio audience laughter)
    • Momtwo: Well, how did you two meet?
    • Mewtwo: Um...
    • Mew: We met... at a Starbucks. (studio audience laughter)
    • Mewtwo: ... I'm a lawyer! (heavy studio audience laughter)

Mewtwo in Super Smash Bros. Melee[edit]

Later on in Mewtwo's sorrowful, dead career, he was chosen to be one of the most poor, and self-destructive characters in the popular game: Super Smash Bros. Melee. He was by far, the most unpopular character next to Pichu and Dr. Octopusman. He was later canceled from the game, with the ritual opening of a small bakery business.