User:Sockpuppet of an unregistered user/Shuffle!

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

“I masturbate to this game 24 hours a day.”

~ Kaede, telling Sia and Nerine how to settle there differences with Rin

“I personally rooted for Kaede, but then I lost something very important...”

~ Van Gogh, on his missing penis

“We got her on the show, but she froze the guy before we could send him to the Federal Ass-Pounding Facility”

~ Chris Hansen, on how they tried to use Primula to lure Michael Jackson out

“If Rin were my son, I'd punch his fucking face”

~ Oscar Wilde, on why Rin was such a d00k

“Lucky bastard”

~ Hugh Heffner, on Rin's amount of tang

“If I had as much potential tail as Rin, Starfleet would have given me a vasectomy by the time I was a Lieutenant!”

~ Jim Kirk, on Rin's unused potential

“So THAT'S what God meant by the burning bush!Leviticus makes SO much more sense now!”

~ Moses, on realizing that you can still laugh to the anime and that masturbation is OK in the bible - just beware the burners
This is only an example of how much tail the Bab could get

Shuffle! (Shat-fall-you!) is an anime series/documentary of the second coming of the Bab. The Bab, in the form of the avatar, Rin Tsuchimi, is assailed by many young women-who-are-really-teenagers, but due to Japanese copywrite law, they are all at least 18 (even the loli-thing, Primula). All of these girls want his junk, whether they consciously know it or not. The problem is that the Bab's avatar was roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris after he lost his powers to his master and sensei, Lt. Cmdr Andrei Kalinin from Full Metal Panic; this resulted in permanent brain damage for the avatar and a curse - the avatar would have to impregnate 100 females before his 20th birthday, but suffers from being a bit of a prude around chicks.

Dyking out is a main feature in the expanded Shuffle! lore - unfortunately, you have to settle for nailing one broad at a time in the games...

The goal of the series is to see who the Bab will choose for his new religio-sexual revolution. Should his avatar choose a princess to a whole new sub-species, he will inherit that world's power. Should one of the girls in his world be chosen, he will wield her like a mighty blade. That blade would then bring about the VelociRapture and all the good booby-loving guys would ascend to Heaven, for infinite tits, broads, beer, and wings. All the sinners (re: those who don't accept the New Testament of Raptor Jesus and Optimus Prime) would be sodomized for eternity with spiked shards. The first to feel this were true blood lolicons who rejected the way of the booby, followed by the terrorists for rejecting sex period, and the bible-thumpers for not realizing that Raptor Jesus invented science by eating a mastodon.

Shuffle! deals primarily with comedy, love, drugs, sex, and crazy broads. 15 years after the show ends, the Bab takes his rightful place as the Holy Britannian Emperor.


The entire summary of Shuffle!, with the girls mentioned in this article shown here.

Rin Tsuchimi[edit]

Rin gets free shows on an almost daily basis - even when he doesn't want them!
Shuffle09 14.jpg

Rin Tsuchimi (Jap: Tsuchimi Rin) is a d00k, but also the avatar of the Bab. He is up to his balls in bitches and whores but seldom does anything. There was totally this one time where he could have had a five-way...FIVE! Even Tomoya Okazaki from Clannad totally said "Damn this guy sucks. At least I tapped Nagisa!". But no seriously, the goal of every man is a threesome of greater (and being the only dude), right? Rin violates all the laws of evolution. Why the Bab chose this guy as his avatar is beyond all logic. Even God was liek "wtf, mate?"

Rin has no affiliation with the Fate/Stay Night character of almost the same name. Although she is bit of a dork and an ice queen (at first at least), and her cosplay sense is questionable at best, Rin Tohsaka at least has some brains and knows when to get laid. That, and she isn't a total chump. Why is it that male leads in h-games are idealistic morons?

Kaede Fuyou[edit]

The Stages of Kaede's Insanity. Stage 1: Depressed brooding in the tub. Stage 2: Sudden realizations of great insanity. Stage 3: Shock. Stage 4: Hurting people. Stage 5: Bootfucking Persians

Kaede Fuyou (Jap: Fuyou Kaede) is every man's dream, and they know it. Her special abilities include: ultimate l33t ninja skills with sharp objects; and the ability to kill three muscle-bound goons, do the laundry, wash the dishes, cook the day's four meals, do both her and Rin's homework, reinterpret quantum physics, sponge bathe Moses, beat Optimus Prime in a staring contest, pay the bills, and service both Rin and herself orally in the two hours she was up before him. She is almost completely batshit crazy, but cleaning and cooking are Freud's best recommendations for keeping her sane.

Asa knows better than to mess with Kaede

Kaede once defended Earth from a Dominion invasion force by decapitating hordes of Stormtroopers and sticking their heads with blades. She sank 55 Jem'Hadar fighters by lobbing them on pure bitchiness alone. Even Asuka Soryu from Evangelion was like "fuck me with the iron cross, that was whack". But then again, Kaede is Yandere (mostly sweet but hides her inner crazy) and Asuka is [tsun-deredere] (hides her kindness with bitchiness, but is still a bitch through and through).

Kaede's "forgetting" to lock the door behind her

Kaede likes to perform her same daily rituals, though she does not service Primula orally until Primula reveals to everyone else she is actually older than the rest of them and is genetically programmed to appear as a loli until her sexual peak at age 30. When Sia and Nerine show up, Kaede bottles up her emotions (preferring to pwn miniature representations of her rivals in their likelihood); when Rin settles down with Asa in the anime, she flips out and attacks her. She then tries to seduce Rin late at night, but being a member of nobility, Rin storms out in fear of his pecker. Kaede then starts to break down when he says he's moving out, but then Rin realizes the problem and promises to stop by once a week so she can make a feast. Asa's suggestion of a three way is rejected because Rin is stupid. Once Rin is out of the house, Kaede transfers all of what she did each day onto Primula. All of it.


Sia, after one of her benders
Kikyo, on one of her whorebenders

Lisianthus Eustoma (shortened to See-ya, or Sia) is the princess of the gods. Her father, Zeus, and her mother, Odin, tried to have two kids, but the not-Sia was too stupid to live. In order to save himself and the not-stupid daughter, Odin shat out the defective one, but not before Sia invited her sister into her mind for cookies and soul-raping. Sia's sister, Kikyo, later turned into a slut to cope with the loneliness. Sia's D.I.D. is unusual, in that it was not caused by a rape of any kind, but rather a shitfest and absorption of another person's memories and soul. The game, anime, and manga all state it was a suck-up of her memories, but damn it, it was her soul. Seriously, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.

Sia likes to take walks in the rain because it is the second fastest way to get her wet (the first being Rin's underwear). It also reminds her of how funny depressed people are. Her special power is the manipulation of chairspace (similar to Akane Tendou's hammerspace, Chidori Kaname's fanspace, and Alexander Anderson's bayonnettespace). Unlike the others, who can only violate the laws of thermodynamics like the Romulan Neutral Zone, Sia can produce any kind of chair from thin air. She once even pwned her dad with a love seat. Like many girls her age, Sia believes too much in things that don't exist, like God (this caused a conflict of interests, since her dad is god in a way), fortunes, and chick magazines. She is also under the false impression that panties and panties alone determine how well a date will go, totally ignoring the personality and looks of a person. This is why her date with Bruce Wayne failed, as Bruce doesn't believe in panties. At all.a

Asa Shigure[edit]

Asa with a voodoo doll of her boyfriend
Asa in a bathing suit. Boner-riffic!

Asa Shigure (Jap: Shigure Asa) is an energetic (re: hyperactive) prostitute noonlighting as a high school student. She is an excellent cook and knows 152 different ways to poison, sedate, or paralyze a man. She makes over $600 a day getting men off (both in her school and among older gentlemen) but has yet to have sex even though she is a total whore. She also has a large mana pool, which leaks out in the form of vaginal discharges or spastic attacks. She also deals 2x D20 damage to her friends when she hits them as a form of greeting. It is rumoured that the source of her energy is a street-based psychostimulant.

It is later revealed she is half-demon from her mother Ama (AKA Lilith). To relieve her addiction to stimulants, Rin got her addicted on blood. The lapping of human blood caused Asa to Roadwarrior-queef so loud, she unloaded tonnes of pent up energy, healing Rin, curing her addictions, and causing her hair to grow longer. Why her hair grew longer is beyond anyone, but Rin thinks its for the sex (Asa does not, since he doesn't touch her more than once a fortnight).

When Rin goes on his first date with her, Sia and Nerine decide to help things along on the basis of true love (that, and gods practice polygamy, which Nerine's family is not against), figuring that if Rin hooks up with Asa for now, then the girls'll get their chance later. Itsuki decides to help because of his harem dreams involving Sia, Nerine, and Kaede - they will increase if Rin is out of the way. Mayumi tags along because she is a spazz. The date fails, but Rin makes up for it. He then moves in with her, but then the stuff in the above paragraph happens. At the end of the series (both the anime and her storyline in the game), she starts working at the same maid cafe as Kareha.

Primula in nekomimimaidomodo
Primula, after her Schwarzenegger training


While appearing like the loli girl, Primula is actually the biotechnological daughter of Lt. Cmdr Data and Seven of Nine. Created as AI to test the limits of warp capability, she was stolen and reprogrammed by the king of the gods (Zeus), and the king of the devils (Beelzebumon, AKA Seth MacFarlane) to try to revive the dead. This proved to be costly: Primula pwned everything in a 2km radius and scattered the Dragon Balls. The shock killed her emotions until she met Rin, who was immediately stricken with lolipedofiendaphilia. Primula was eventually able to recover her emotions, all thanks to Arnie, who helped her by teaching her how to blow shit up and say snappy one-liners. She is currently the only character in the franchise who does not have problems.

Primula has a wide range of abilities. Firstly, she has the ability to make shit blow up, just like her predecessors, Lilith and not-Nerine. This can be small scale or large. She also has the ability to freeze shit, as demonstrated when she eliminated the Fuyou bug problem and froze their lawn. She later demonstrated this on Zeus when he was hammered, celebrating Rin's moving in with Asa. She can also make stuff appear at will and appear at just the right time. Primula has other abilities one would not think a loli-type would have, such as mammary usage. She can also summon Captain Planet and recite Pi to the 1,000,000 number, and assimilate into the collective.


Nerine is not your typical "demon": while she craves your junk, she has other priorities

The daughter of Seth and princess of the demons, Nerine Forbessi (Rina or Rin-chan to everyone but Asa, since this conflicts with her nicknaming Rin "Rin-chan") is the most stacked teenager (re: young adult) in the human realm - this is because her not-mom, Ai, does not live in the human realm. She is constantly the brunt of many jokes about her insanely large rack, namely how she can stand up. The Number 2, Nadeshiko-sensei, has extremely strong lats; Nerine uses magic given to her by the Genie, Amon-Ra.

Nerine's other bathing suit. Notice how hot-some she is

Nerine is well-adept in magic. She once made Siegfried and Roy disappear and reappear as Beowulf and Ray. It is later revealed that she invented Quantum Physics by giving birth to Erwin Schrodinger in a temporal causality loop. This is because TCLs run in her family. Once, she, Rin, Itsuki, and Mayumi went back in time to when Seth was a bachelor as well as a manwhore. He was set to marry Ai, who looks almost exactly like Nerine except a different shade of hair colour, a larger rack, sorta dimwitted, and a strumpet. The family maid, Sage, totally wanted Seth's bones, but was too flat. So Rin nailed both her and Nerine (we are still unsure why this was a one-time only thing, considering that this was totally incest); instead of giving her confidence, Rin reset the timeline so that Seth married Ai instead of Sage, resulting in a Nerine who had magenta hair and was a total whore instead of the not-whore she is. To make things right, Rin had sex with Ai, who got her totally addicted to his junk and Sage married Seth, giving birth to Nerine. Since this makes no sense, everyone forgot about it, except that Ai tries to seduce Rin from time to time.

Few have survived Rina on the rag

Nerine once tried to blow up the school because some fops were making fun of Rin. When Primula was having problems realizing her inner awesome, Nerine revealed that all the temporal causality in her family resulted in her having a clone. This clone was supposed to replace her should she die of pneumonia. The clone, which wasn't a clone since she had greater powers, was the same age as Nerine, and had different eyes and a good singing voice, was the not-Nerine used for the same experiments, but came after Lilith and before Primula. When the pneumonia almost killed Nerine, she sacrificed herself by having Nerine absorb her, transferring memories and abilities as well.

Nerine and Sia are actually cousins due to Seth's sister, Odin, marrying Zeus. Seth's other sister, Ayane, also married Zeus, but even though she is not Sia's biological mother, she resembles her most, being almost identical to Sia, save that she is a demon and not as hot or stacked.


Mayumi Thyme[edit]

Mayumi: kinda hot, but not enough to grab on to

Mayumi Thyme (yes, that is her name in both Japanese and English orders) is a loud-mouthed half-demon, half-human, half-man, half-bear, and half-pig. Her name is a bit of an enigma, as she has no Western in her, but goes with the Western order even in the original Japanese. She is constantly looking for the latest scoop, even if she has to make it up herself. This usually results in someone getting their eyebrows or pubic hairs burned off. Mayumi is one of the most recognized girls in high school (re: college).

The difference in bust size between Nerine and Mayumi is parsecs apart, as indicated by where the eels are

While Kaede, Sia, Nerine, and Asa stand out for being hot and Primula stands out for being awesome, Mayumi is flat-chested and heterochromiac. This means that she has no tits or mammary ducts and each eye is a different colour. Her heterochromia stems from this one time she took a shot to the eye. Her friends are still unsure if this shot was a bullet, a fist, or sperm, but many largely think it's sperm. Her flatness comes from her being a practitioner of the "truly large boobs" theory. In it, your true boobs are hidden in your body - even if this violates the Laws of Conservation of Mass/Matter like a drunken cheerleader in a den of horny football players and a few ephebophilic rapists (or the Romulan neutral zone). Unfortunately, not even Mayumi realizes she practices this. Her mother is the Dark Magician Girl and her father is Prince Lotor.

Itsuki Midoriba[edit]

Itsuki on the hunt. Notice Primula sitting around munching ice? I didn't either. I think she's a ninja or something...

Itsuki Midoriba (Jap: Midoriba Itsuki) is a man-whore and a player. While he can never seem to score with Kaede, Nerine, or Sia (and has no interest in his upperclassmen), and gets owned by his teacher whenever he and Forbessi hit on chicks and mistake her for an unknown, he actually gets lots of poon-tang from the under-classmen and the other people in his year. He claims not to be gay, but he is actually a closet bi.

Itsuki has been known to constantly assail Kaede, Sia, and Nerine for their affections, but always meets with rejection (save, of course, for that one incident in Tijuana - that was one crazy Yom Kippur!). His morning greetings for Kaede (which would result in him leaping from the classroom once the door opened) got so repetitive that Rin was soon able to gut punch him to stop. Unfortunately, rumours spread about both being gay - this ironically increased their p00n potential.

Itsuki has three very distinct abilities: he can appear at will (much like a ninja); he is a good deductor of women (in terms of personality as well as body type0; and he is a magnet for beatings from a distraught Mayumi.

Itsuki man-lover?
Despite the allegations, Itsuki's fascinations are considered standard

Ama Shigure[edit]

You wish your mom was this hot

Asa's mom and the archangel Lilith. She was supposed to be Adam's first wife, but Pat Robertson altered history because he decided to eliminate all references to the Jews being God's Chosen People in the Bible. The problem is that Robertson is an idiot and failed terribly, only replacing the hot, seductive, submissive, intelligent, and obedient Lilith with Eve, who is a lot like the ex-wife on Two and a Half Men, only ugly and 10x bitchier (explaining why Asuka is a child of Eve).

Anyway, Lilith decided to benefit science with magic for Zeus and Seth. Unfortunately, everyone got drunk and the experiment backfired. It was an epic fail. This sent Lilith to the human world where she had a series of one-night stands with the man who would be Asa's father, Char Aznable. He married Lilith because she looks about the same age as Asa now, and we all know how Char is an ephebophile.


Kareha having a moe overload
Kareha and her little sis sleeping with Rin. For once, this has nothing to do with sex - le shock!

Kareha is a god and one of Asa's classmates. Whenever she sees something cute or moe, she spazzes out going "Ma ma ma!". In this way, she is similar to Rena from Higurashi, except that Rena has been known to brutally murder and/or kidnap under the guise of lolicon. She has a little sister, Tsubomi, who knows how to break the fourth wall by reading the light novels for the franchise.

King of Gods[edit]

Zeus is the best dad evah!

The king of the gods, Zeus Eustoma is a borderline man-whore and incest freak. He is a total idiot who prefers to rough-house, act like a moron, and get hammered. He is the best father-in-law ever.

Zeus is the kind of man who would do anything for his daughter. This includes arranging marriages, taking time off from being a king to bum around a traditional Japanese home while having no job and drinking a lot, threatening to blow up the school should his daughter fail a single subject, and a sadistic desire to be pummeled by Sia whenever he acts out of line, which is about 172 times a day. Like a drunken Mongoloidian, he has learned to survive lethal blows to the head, as Sia's chairs tend to be struck on the sutures of the skull, causing bone fragments to skewer the brainstem. He sometimes forgets Sia is a girl, as he walks into her room without knocking (the first time he walked in on her with her panties everywhere; the second time, she and Rin just finished sex; the third time they were in the middle of stuffing a gerbil up Rin's ass while dripping hot candlewax on Sia's face). This usually results in Zeus being hospitalized.

King of Devils[edit]

He once suggested his daughter wear a mizugi to satisfy his own fetish

The king of the devils, Seth McFarlane (AKA Beelzebumon) is a real manwhore and incest freak. He is not as stupid as his brother-in-law (Zeus) or his sister-in-law (Barack Obama), can hold his liquor better, and does not act like a dumbshit. He is constantly seducing women with Itsuki because he is the only other male on Earth who realizes his potential for getting ladies and using it - and NOT having a string of sex crime convictions (see Glen Quagmire and Captain Hero).

Seth and Zeus often play games together instead of doing anything productive to either of their realms of the human realm. They are well-renowned for ninja-like moves, such as being able to play multiple games at once in the same game, such as Risk, Battleship, Monopoly, Life, Shogi, Chess, Checkers, Poker, and Ferengi Tongo. Seth usually wins with his patented move: Critical Royal Straight Flush, Turbo R. No one, not even Zeus or Seth, knows how it comes about...

Benibara Nadeshiko[edit]

Nadeshiko-sensei: one of those teachers who has sex with her students and gets acquitted by a jury of her peers

Miss Na is the world history teacher (or something like that, I dunno, I wasn't paying attention) at Verbena Academy. She has the second largest rack in the Human realm (after Nerine) and is almost a lesbo, due in part to no man with good looks being good enough to date her (except Rin in Really? Really!). She is very strict with students: if they are late for school or skip, they must run laps around the school; if they do not finish homework, she makes them do bunny-hops around the school (even though it is illegal in Japan); if they do not pay attention in class, she makes them submit reports for the next day - the pages increase incrementally by a factor of 10 if they happen more than once in the same week.

Miss Na is one of the strongest people physically in all three worlds. She can cut a coke bottle in half with a single chop of her hand - and the cut is not corresponding to the width of what cut it! It's like her hand turned into a blade! She also works out a lot, so that she can equally dish out the punishments she lays on her students.

In Really? Really! the player gets the option of pursuing Benibara as a possible lay. After taking advantage of her teachering skills and after-school help with homework, you finally romance her in the infirmery (a typical h-scenario) - with b100|\/|3rz! Then later you get into another h-scenario with her, but this time it's the games sole episode of paizuri, meaning that by the end of the third game, Asa, Sia, and Kaede have yet to give you one. WTF?!


Ai is not impressed by your face, since it is stupid

In Tick Tack! only. She was supposed to be Seth's waif, but got nailed by Rin to prevent a time loop. Even though she did not hook up with Seth, her resemblance to Nerine is uncanny.

Ai is a classy lady, but has an essence of whoring that is unrivaled by any other girl in the franchise - even Kikyo, as Kikyo's whoreitude is blatant, Ai's is just solemn. She is also extremely open and kind - she encouraged Sage to hook up with Seth, even going so far as to have a threesome with her and Rin.


Sage was inspired by other borderline loli maids

Sage is a maid who works for the Royal Family of the Devils. When Seth was just a prince, she was just a simple maid who was all excited to work for him. She eventually fell in love with him after he slapped her with his awesome (literally). Concealing this, she kept up her duties by using l33t ninja skills to hide her feelings from him. Ai (Seth's fiancee), however, was smart enough to notice this, and was apparently the only one to do so. She prodded Sage to confess and, in the normal timeline, she did. However, when Rin came along and fucked everything up (literally - namely Sage), Ai hooked up with Seth and produced Not-Nerine Ver. 2 (with red hair and the slutty disposition). This led to Rin having a whorish girlfriend in the new timeline. So to set everything right, he nailed Ai, having her crave his man-junk, and allowing Sage to hook up with Seth and give birth to the not-Not-Nerine (Nerine).

Sage is flat-chested and petite. She is easily confused with being a loli, despite her being too old (I mean, come on - she had to be of sexual fertility by the time Nerine was born, which was at least 16 (18) years prior). She hasn't changed much since Tick Tack and the current time. Despite her kind nature, she has a habit of violently kicking anyone who pisses her off or who acts stupid.

Nerine totally inherited her eyes from her mom, as well as her temper, power, and kindness. Outside of that, Nerine is too hot and stacked, leading one to consider if it was really Forbessi or Ai who knocked up Sage. Even though she is married to the King of the Devils, Sage still dresses and acts like a maid.

Sakura Yae[edit]

Sakura has the least amount of problems due to her lack of importance to the plot
Sakura realizes just how many problems Rin has with broads

Kaede and Rin's friend from middle school, she is introduced as a new character in Really? Really! I have very little to say about Sakura, other than she is your typical sweet fraulein. If you follow her path in RR, she is one of Rin's boinking possibilities - if you do so, you get her while still in your middle school uniforms (I assume the event happened during middle school, but one can never be sure when one does not state ages with h). This means that Rin got some at a young enough age - the problem being that this makes no sense, as Rin is a d00k.

It is later revealed that these events are part of Kaede's distorted memories in Really? Really! (such as Asa always having long hair, Itsuki being a girl, and Mayumi having boobs). In reality, Kaede nailed Sakura, though it was Sakura that got Kaede pregnant. Considering that Kaede was a virgin by the time Rin nailed her at 18, and she had no children, we can assume another temporal causality loop. You know, then there is also the fact that both are girls.

Momiji Fuyou[edit]

Magical Slave Girl: Momiji, sacrificing body and heart!

Kaede's mom, who died along with Rin's parents. This sent Kaede into suicide mode until Rin lied, saying he killed her mom. This prompted Kaede into hideous bitch goddess mode until she learned that her having swine flu prompted her mom to leave early. The thing is, Kaede only lost a mom, but Rin lost everything. WTF? Anyway, Momiji only otherwise appears in Kaede's head in Really? Really! as the guide for the harem + Itsuki. Her costume is clearly cosplay, since it's a Sailor Uniform with S&M chains.


Shuffle! (H-Game)[edit]

Shuffle! started out as an h-game (albeit one that is over 90% filled with, you know, plot!), meaning that you could fiddle with your joystick to the spunky Sia, the stacked Nerine, the sweet Kaede, the energetic Asa, or the jailbait.

Recently, American company MangaGamers announced it had secured the English distribution rights to the series. Since none of the FUNimation cast was available to comment (and, like most dubbed hentai, it might suck), it is most likely that the game will only be script translated with no dub. Regardless, this is a landmark case, as it is about time Shuffle! got more influence in the West.

Shuffle! On the Stage[edit]

It was soon followed up by a non-h PS2 version, Shuffle! On the Stage, (where you can also go after Mayumi or Kareha). The other girls get some expansions as well, such as Nerine dancing as a cheerleader, Mayumi acting like a dike with Sia (and an alternate scene with Kikyo, who is also liking it), and Rin carrying Kaede home in his arms while she holds the groceries (a nod to an early scene in the game where Rin asks to do the groceries and Kaede angrily tells him that that is one of her jobs and she cannot inconvenience Rin, only to blush when he stipulates that he'll carry her then).

Tick Tack![edit]

Shuffle! was later followed up by a sequel to Nerine's route, Tick Tack!, which is also largely filled with plot, but you get the option of pursuing mainly Nerine, Ai, or Sage. Of note, you can also pursue a younger Nerine (but why would you?), the alternate Nerine, or Lycoris. While Lycoris is limited to one h-scene, the other minor ones are limited to 2 or 3, and the main girls to about 3 or 4 each (with the only two three-ways in the whole franchise: one is where Sage gets in while you're poking Nerine, and the other is when Sage and Ai maid cosplay together).

Shuffle! (Anime)[edit]

Soon after, an anime version was produced - because, you know, successful h-games make good animes (that, and you make more money from animes that hint at sex as opposed to $100 computer games that simulate it). Since only one path could be chosen as an ending, much like Clannad, the routes were merged together for the sake of character development. Nerine and Primula's routes started converging first (with Primula almost dying from her lack of emotions). In the aftermath, Rin starts pursuing Asa, but is sidetracked by Sia's revelation of her sister before Kaede has her mental breakdown.

Tsukihime and Fate/Stay Night are obvious examples of h-games with a plot not centred on sex but rather plot. The h was a bonus.

Really? Really![edit]

In Really? Really!, Rin restores Kaede's memories by going all Ace Attorney on their asses!

After the release of the anime, Really? Really! was released, mostly as an expansion of Kaede's path in the original game. However, a few possible paths (screws) can be explored with Asa and Primula, as well as Mayumi, Nadeshiko-sensei, and Sakura (who is introduced in this game). It uses a unique system where whenever Kaede says something wrong, you must act like Phoenix Wright and say "Shit!" calling Kaede's bluff, highlighting the wrong word, and destroying the false memory. This results in Rin getting laid later.

Shuffle! Memories[edit]

Perhaps the worst move by the company, Memories was largely considered a waste of time because it was a 12 episode clip show. The only two good things were that each girl got her own intro played twice (which, combined with the OVA ending, showed new scenes and awesome sequences), but the last episode was entirely new, showing what would happen when Rin, Kaede, Nerine, Asa, Mayumi, and Sia got shrunk to the size of ants. The antics of the girls as Kaede starts to break down from a missing Rin, Zeus and Seth getting hammered, and Primula displaying her awesomeness (as well as eels mangling boobage) made this well worth the waste.

Shuffle! Essence+[edit]

A new game, Shuffle! Essence+ is upcoming (finally), with two new characters (a god and a demon), and focusing on the cast from On The Stage. Unfortunately, this game is taking too fucking long to get out, and hopefully we can get back to some much-needed Sia.


Your mom, who has recently gotten addicted to h-games, says that the Shuffle! franchise is the best sex she's ever had (especially since you were not born from h-games, am I right guys?).

Anime4TW, a made-up website that tries to promote anime as the dominant form of media in the world, has given A+ ratings on pretty much everything in the franchise. "The h is hot, the characters are all fucked up in their heads, the plot is unique, and it's extremely funny. The best part is that your face isn't in it!"

Emperor Lelouch of the Holy Britannian Empire said "we got into an economic recession because I plundered too much of our nation's resources into making this franchise in the first place. But the results speak for themselves - once we get the genetic accelerator online, all women will be as hot as the Shuffle! girls!". This was a statement made before Lelouch was impaled by his gay lover, Suzaku.

Vinnie Jones got pissed at Rin for not being manly enough. The next day he killed a guy that looked just like Rin.

Pat Robertson claimed the whole concept was un-Christian. Upon being slapped upside the head by Jesus Christ on a Velociraptor, he realized that the whole history of Christianity is one of violence and bloodlust, which has little to do with Shuffle! save for Kaede's knifing skillz.

While feminist groups complain that the girls are teenagers, normal people point out that most Japanese girls under the age of 18 do not have figures anywhere near the girls from Shuffle! (even Primula). Combined with the failed action on the part of the feminists about Rin being a player with too many bitches and hos hanging off his nuts (even though we all know that he is a failure for not maxing out his options), a UN case declared that Shuffle! was appropriate because it aimed for a certain standard that many people know about- that it's about a bunch of girls in their biological prime. Aside from recommending therapy for anyone who did not even attempt another character's path outside of Primula or loli-Nerine; Navel re-released the games stipulating that Primula is as old as the other girls but just a midget, and retconned Tick Tack to have busty Nerine take loli-Nerine's place. Because, you know, stacked babes are hotter than ones that look like kids.

See also[edit]

This article contains material related to Japanese animation and was done by an Otaku. Don't be scared by the huge eyes and enormous tits.