User:Sycamore/Glasgow Rangers

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The Goatse inspired emblem of Rangers

“I have nothing to declare except my strong support for Rangers. Who, without doubt are the best club in the world”

~ Oscar Wilde on Rangers

Rangers FC are a Scottish football club who have never won anything. The most famous time that they did not win was the European Cup was in 1967 when it was won by their perennial betters Celtic (although they've got nothing to shout about.

This frustrated them to such a degree that they resorted back to form and played shite. They play their home shite matches at Hell, AKA, the Glue Camp, Castle Grey skull, Ipox; which is smaller than Celtic Park, just as many things which Rangers possess are smaller than their Celtic equivalents.


It is with this aim in mind that they decided not to win the European Cup despite being entered into it year after year after year. Perhaps one day they will achieve similar monumental feats of football endeavor as their glorious city rivals Partick Thistle did in 1967 by beating such giants of world football as FC Zurich, FC Nantes, FK Vojvodina and Dukla Prague. Which is infinitely better than Rangers’ performance in the competition? Ranger’s greatest manager was Big Eck (Alex McLeish). He brought such legends to the club as Jeffers, Rae and Barry White.

Season 07/08[edit]

the Mythology of Victory[edit]

“I think there’s a binary opposition here, victory and Rangers? Together?”

~ Claude Levi Strauss on Rangers

'Rangers', as a concept, came together at a meeting between Glasgow's finest Protestant minds (William 'Billy' Reginald Struth, Walter Smith, Ian Paisley's mam, and Billy from The Loudoun). There had been much discussion by the members about the disturbing Fenianification of Glasgow: a Protestant bar called 'Neils' had changed to 'O’Neill’s', an O’Brien’s sandwich bar had set up shop in the city, and O`Riordan's bench-warming clinic had recently been erected in the city centre. There were fears that, in just a few years, every landmark in the city would have an O added to it, the trademark prefix of Fenianification. The trio debated upon a possible name for the proposed heroically successful British club to rival the recently formed Celtic. After a few minutes thinking time, Walter Smith sat back in his chair and, with that big smug grin of his, told the room he had the answer. The club would be named after the only word in the English dictionary that couldn't be made more Irish even with the letter O in front of it. "Adding an O` to 'Ranger' won't make it Irish", Walter proudly proclaimed, "It'll make it 'Orange'". They have 5 stars on every Rangers top today; this is to remember the 5 catholic Scots to have played for the club. This is a fact they are very proud of because anymore would not be welcome. Rumors had circulated that the 5 stars represented the 50 league titles won by the shoebox club. But frankly that would be stupid wouldn’t it bear and bearettes as it would only look like the mighty Rangers had won 5 and not 50 titles.


  • Scottish League championships (51): Add some years after 1891
  • Scottish Cup winners (31): Add some years 1893
  • League Cup winners (24): Add a few years after 1947
  • Worthwhile Victorys: Nil

See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]

Scottish Premier League, 2008-2009
Celtic · Rangers · Heart of Midlothian · Aberdeen FC · Inverness · Livingston · Bathgate · Norway · Falkirk FC · Hibs · AC Milan · Scotland · Yer Da · Dunfermline · Ayr United · Texas Rangers · Manchester United