User:Sycamore/Mads Mikkelsen does not speak one line of dialogue in Valhalla Rising

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Here's Mads Mikkelsen playing one eye in the film. Not much in the abs department eh Mads?

In the beginning there was only man and nature, then the men with crosses came, and then came advanced capitalism. I'm all for some fast food and a Mitsubishi though, plus I don't really want to go back to those times...

~ Haruki Murikami

This is a question that has preoccupied many viewers whilst viewing the 2009 film sating the baddie from that rubbish non Connery James Bond film. The reasons for such a vocal absence are many and the reasons are usually far from simple in such controversial matters. Firstly no one understands the film and those that do find the violence far too graphic for their liking.

Other studious observers have pointed out that 'one eye appears to use Jiu Jitsu and is a far cry from official highland or Scandinavian fighting. Others note that nobody cares because it looks good

It is hoped that some of these reasons are Why Mads Mikkelsen does not speak one line of dialogue in Valhalla Rising?

I don't understand this film[edit]

Cquote1.png Is eating your God healthy Cquote2.png

M<any views found the film pretentious and slightly bizarre at having loads of Scottish actors whilst attempting to give the impression they are in Sweden or some other European backwater pretending they have a language other than gibberish. Although a point of criticism the violent nature of the film means that this is not too bad since its Scotland.

Does the idea that they are in the high

He has bad English[edit]

Why.svg Why? 
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Don't worry, I just make up this stuff

~ Carl Jung on his idea of archetypes

Possibly a good one, they didn't have the money to dub his "Deprssing Hamlet Dane accent", so having Mads not talk at all mabye a budgetery contraint

He's meant to be a psycho deaf mute with a surly disposition?[edit]

Cquote1.png The voice is a separate entity outside of the speaker, and it is mortified for use. It’s also where halitosis comes from Cquote2.png

Although on the surface this is pretty good is

Mads possibly wishes he hadn't turned up for this film gig and is boycotting the film[edit]

Probably a bit too true, Mads has just finished being in that terrible James Bond film and he was consigned to this low budget film with these strange Scottish people who keep offering him caffine infused Alcohol which makes them go insane... frequently. His agent may a have possibly mislead Mads and we should feel sorry for him. At least in King Arthur he got to look at Kiera Knightly all done up in blue body paint.[1]

Another reason is the Mads looks a little flabby for an ultimate fighter, we're not putting him down, and it’s just that he isn't exactly Gerald Butler. We recommend a regime of healthy eating and protein and creatine supplements to help him out for his next action flick, then he can really get stuck in on his 'acting' and stuff.[2]


  1. The thought of this has made me all hot and bothered
  2. Uncyclopedia is your number one source of fitness advice as its full of useless small minded twenty something liberals without a job editing the place 24/7.

See also[edit]