I hate Mother Teresa. Everyone says she's so great, but, like, she's really not. I mean, what did she ever accomplish? She baptized a few people? Big deal. When I was little I used to hold the other kids down in the water, and that's why I'm not allowed at the swimming pool anymore. I guess they let her travel to all those countries and do that work because they wanted her out of the way, but seriously, bro, if I were there I would have told her to sit down and let real men do the work. You don't need some wannabe Mary Magdalene running around in a penguin suit when there's serious business going on.
She's not even a mother.
It's true! I looked it up in an encyclopedia. She doesn't have any children. And that's not even the good part! Get this: She's not even allowed to have children. Basically, if you're a nun, that means you're not allowed to have sex or even adopt. I mean, come on, she's already so ugly that no one in their right mind would ever want to do her, but it's, like, in her job description.
So what's the deal with calling herself a mother? My guess is that she has some weird compulsive need for babies and since she can't have any, she just wants everyone to pretend she's their mother. My brother went to college and he said that when women reach a certain age the start to really want a baby, and my father said he's right and went to the top shelf of the pantry where he keeps his medicine. I think that's just pathetic that Mother Teresa does that. Maybe I should just call her Teresa.
It looks like Teresa does nice things. She feeds the hungry and poor. But don't you see, the very problem is that she goes after the people who are most weak and desperate. It's like that guy with the beard and the greasy shirt who sits outside my school in his van and gives kids candy. I never take anything from him because I get food at home, but what if I didn't? Then I'd have to take candy from him. So would he be a saint for feeding the hungry? No, he'd still be a greasy old guy who smells of eggs and stares at me all weird.
This one pretty much goes without saying. I mean, look at her. She looks like she fell off the ugly truck on the way to the ugly factory and hit her head on the ugly pavement. She's all wrinkly and withered like she hasn't eaten or slept in days, and she has a big nose like a Jew. I've never met a Jew but I heard they have big noses and like to steal your money. You see those robes she's wearing? The colors on her robe are the same colors on the flag of Israel. Coincidence?
How stupid is it that a Jew would go to Africa and run a mission in the name of Christianity? Can't she just give her own religion a bad name? Mother Teresa is just a big fat dumb meanie hypocrite.
I hate her.
Gripes to be worked in:
- Puts spiritual needs of patients above medical needs; forces them to pray
- Does nothing to solve the poverty that sends people to her in the first place
- Unsanitary clinic, untrained staff, reuse of hypodermic needles