User:TheLedBalloon/Eye of the Tiger
Eye of the Tiger is a popular song by the band Survivor, perhaps best known for its importance in Rocky III: The Revenge of Mr. T. It should never be listened to while picking wildflowers. Seriously. Never. The song is noteworthy for being the first piece of modern music to use "Esercizio In Musica," or Exercise in Music, colloquially referred to as The Physical Trainer's Note. This rare example of consonant dissonance is composed of a half-diminished double-augmented minor twelfth half-step over a major third, two minor fifths, and one quarter-pounder hold the mayo with fries and a large shake. It typically produces an urge to "get pumped" in the listener, often resulting in the compulsive urge to do push-ups and squat-thrusts until the song (or your heart (but usually the song according to Survivor's lawyers)) stops.
The song begins with a guttural strumming of the guitar, laying down a durable foundation for the rock. After a moment, the main riff comes in. The technical term for the music theory behind it is as follows:
DUN DUN DUN!
DUN DUN DAAAAHHHHHHH!
Eye of the Tiger was made during a time in human history when both sides of the world could have been destroyed by weapons of mass destruction like Mr. T's gaze or Sylvester Stallone's massive forearms. It reflects the intricate emotions and feelings of "Rocky" and his massive forearms. For example, during the following sequence:
|DAH! DAH DAH DAAAHHH!|
The song equates tiger eyeballs with the ongoing struggle of the lower class. It encourages people of all ages, all heights, and all ages to squat-thrust in the name of equality and a chiseled physique.
Because of its use of The Physical Trainer's Note, Eye of the Tiger has often been the target of controversy. Popular criticisms hold that it is "just creepy" that a piece of music can make people do push-ups. Survivor, however, claims that doing pushups is "part of the human experience" and that the activity brings people who do pushups closer together. "I believe," said lead singer Dave Bickler, "that the Pushup Cortex of the brain, located in the prefrontal amygdala lobe, is simply activated whenever 'Eye of the Tiger' is played. There's nothing creepy about that!" He continues, "Besides, it's not like we did it on purpose. If we wanted to force our listeners to do something, it'd be something that could make us money. Also, please call 1-800-PUSH-UPS now to order Survivor's patented exercise equipment!"
Eye of the Tiger has also been the subject of controversies as a result of a mysterious rash of bizarre wildflower-picking accidents it has apparently caused. Survivor has disowned any and all wildflowers sent to them that were picked while listening to Eye of the Tiger, and you should too.
Unacceptable uses for the song
MGM has issued a list of situations and activities that the song, "Eye of the Tiger" or the phrase, "Eye of the Tiger" cannot be used, and the accompanying reasons.
- Picking Wildflowers: It has been found that the song has a negative impact on the productiveness of picking wildflowers. As the song's beat and tempo increases, the average number of wildflowers picked by the average wildflower picker decreases. For this reason, and because MGM does not want to be sued by the wildflower lobby, MGM does not allow use of the song for this activity.
- Dancing in a field of Wildflowers: It has been found that, as the beat and tempo of "Eye of the Tiger" increases, ability and artistic quality of dancing in a field of wildflowers decreases, while awkwardness and a strong desire to remove one's clothing while dancing increases.
- Things Involving Wildflowers: Don't do it.
Things that may result in death if done while listening to Eye of the Tiger
Several case studies have shown that a rash of wildflower-picking deaths may or may not have been but actually were definitely related to this song. A serious psychological conflict between the manliness of the physical trainer's note and the girliness of picking wildflowers might very well DEFINITELY cause a subliminal psychological paradox which results in severe strokes, heart attacks, and lung collapses. This is not to say that this will definitely happen to anyone who listens to Eye of the Tiger while picking wildflowers, but it will definitely happen to anyone who listens to Eye of the Tiger while picking wildflowers. Ye be warned.