User:Wikiman/Indian Institute of Management Ahmedabad
|Indian Institute of Management Ahmedabad|
|Motto||vidya vaayu asti (Knowledge is Fart)|
|Established||sometime in 1961|
|School type||Type II|
|Location||Ahmedabad, Gujarat, India|
|Campus||Urban, 100 acres, split|
|Faculty||retired or retard|
Indian Institute of Management Ahmedabad, also known as IIM Ahmedabad, or IIMA, or WIMWI (Whores In Management Whorehouse of India), is a B-school in Ahmedabad city of Gujarat state of India. IIMA is also famous for being the alma-mater of Oscar Wilde. Wilde was expelled from the institute for passing other people's quotes as his own in one of the exams, an act known as cogging in the institute. Wilde went on to master the art of generating quotes (Uncyclopedia proves it). Recognizing his talents and accepting institute's mistake in expelling him, on September 11, 2001 Wilde was given honorary doctorate degree as per directions of Osama Bin Laden, the then director of the institute. Oscar Wilde has also been president emeritus of the institute since then, but his presence has been elusive.
India became independent on its independence day at midnight of August 15, 1947. Indians were happy that now they are free to manage their own state of affairs (the first Prime Minister Jawaharlal Nehru already had his affair with British viceroy Lord Mountbatten’s wife going on). Indians were confident that they can mange everything well, and they were celebrating.
On October 2, 1947, plague broke out the western Indian state of Gujarat. A team of NASA and Harvard experts pored over the satellite pictures for over a month to find out that there was a dead rat in the wine manufacturing plant in Ahmedabad which caused the outbreak of the disease. By then, the Indian government had cremated all the victims, including the rat.
Following the shocking revelations of NASA and Harvard experts, Gujarat was declared a dry state and Indians realized that they were fucked. They didn’t know how to manage and operate the industries that the britishers had built for them. Nehru declared that he will make new temples of knowledge and thus the idea of Indian Institutes of Management (IIMs) was born.
Ahmedabad was chosen to have the first IIM in India, but Bengalis squat on the roads in protest, and hence
Calcutta Kolkata was given the first IIM. IIM Ahmedabad was formally inaugurated on some day in 1961. Government of Gujarat misplaced the file which documented the exact day of inauguration. A riot broke out in 2002 in Gujarat when the government tried to recover the file. So let’s not bother about the date.
Harvard was very helpful in establishing the institute and they helped in all possible ways. They went on to the extent of sending their most popular student Oscar Wilde to study at IIMA. Wilde used to study daily on the steps leading to the main building of the institute before he was expelled. Those steps are called Harvard Steps even today. Government of India has proposed to reserve some seats in enrollment process of IIMA for family members of Wilde. But Osama's family members are protesting against this step.
IIMA has come a long way from being a warehouse to being a whorehouse. Initially students - mainly known as PGPs (Puberty Gained Pimps) - used to work for a few thousand rupees yearly, now they don't accept a job even after being offered one crore (ten millions) rupees. Money is the most important criterion for measuring grandeur of any idea, person, institution, country and penis in this world, and on this criterion, IIMA has evolved to a grand and brand status today. A common WIMWIian (any student of WIMWI) is ever so proud of this evolution; he/she wears a t-shirt that reads Branded for Life.
IIMA has also evolved successfully as a complete B(ullshit)-school. A common WIMWIian proudly claims everything related to himself/herself as being the best in APAC. A student claimed that he possessed the best pussy in APAC. Pictures of his pussy were published in all leading newspapers and flashed across all television channels in India. He is currently researching on a medicine to treat AIDS by using pussy milk. Government of India has granted him lot of aids.
But not many WIMWIians believe in carrying out such research works or social services. They aspire and perspire to become corporate heroes. How they do it is discussed in detail under the topic Campus Life of this article later on.
IIM Ahmedabad has been on the path of enlargement recently. They have added many new courses in their kitty. So apart from PGP, now they offer courses like PGP-ABM, PGP-PMP, PGPX, FDP, FPM, MDP, MMM, XXX, etc. They are trying to enlarge even further. After thinking themselves as being the best in APAC, now they want to be the best in the world. Some people find it funny, they study at IIM Bangalore.
PGP life is lived on the IIMA campus in two forms - Fachchadom and Tuchchadom. Fachchadom is the state of being in first year and Tuchchadom is the state of being in second year. If you are not a downright fucktard, you would have understood by now that PGP is a two-year course offered by IIM Ahmedabad. In fact, PGP is the most sought after diploma of IIMA. People take CAT, supposed to be the toughest entrance exam in the world, to get this diploma.
Once a student takes CAT and get into PGP course of IIMA, he starts taking fellow students. The fierce competition makes a student practise RG-giri. PGP life requires a lot of academic rigor in the first year. A typical fachcha is supposed to be mugging all the time i.e. he indulges in night-outs, group study, taking surprise exams (called quizzes), submitting assignments, putting CPs (Contraceptive Pills) etc.
A fachcha's aim throughout the first year is to build a good CG.
Life after Campus