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Mafia Bar.jpg

Hello! Remember, this is a members bar and if you're not a Mafioso, you're likely to get burnt real bad, ya hear me? Okay, so let me get you a poison and you can go sit down, and do whatever the hell you want - just remember the Family code, eh? Respect other Mafioso and don't kill anyone...that's for the shooting range. We've got a back-room for poker, if you wanna play. Oh and we have a very good, fresh supply of hookers...oh and one last thing, The Don likes to frequent the bar so look smartish and act proper.

Talk, converse and chat here. You can even attempt to cripple other Mafioso, or you could play darts or even get drunk...Your choice!


Active mafioso report! It is time for the MAFIA REVOLUTION! Everyone get a gun and go and shoot something. That is all. Oh and hi everyone. The mafia is open for business again. Let's show them how we roll. Oh god, I've always wanted to say that. This shit just got real. Oh god, and that, I've always wanted to say that. - [19:17 19 January 2009] YYettie

Hey. Don, how's it goin'? Uh.... what do we do? I mean - I've had an itching to shoot stuff, but er - yeah, no gun :( -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 01:14, 20 January 2009 (UTC)
Well you just need to de mafiarish stuff. Like some people are still waiting to be enrolled to the Family. And I can't do that, because I was just to make use of this lovely ladies' services. Maybe start donating again? - [16:49 20 January 2009] YYettie

Issues I Think We Should Look At:

  • The money system, ways to spend money, maybe we should just scrap it? Or is it worth keeping? Discuss.
  • New mafioso recruitment?
  • Should the mafia have any specific goals?
  • Whoring our n00b help page
  • More prostitutes.
  • Fuck the FBI!
I, the Don, have decreed that we should look at and act on the aforementioned items. This is the 2009 Mafioso Agenda. We now have an agenda. We are now in a position to fuck the FBI! - [16:51 22 January 2009] YYettie


I think we should be able to spend it on stuff. Unless we can't think of anything. In which case, scrap the whole dammed thing. -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 00:24, 23 January 2009 (UTC)

Spending money on stuff is complicated and hard to organise, and people get bored quickly. That's the only problem. - [17:52 23 January 2009] YYettie
You wanna scrap it? -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 05:47, 25 January 2009 (UTC)
Mmm...I'm thinking maybe. What about a good old fashioned vote? That way we can see what everyone thinks, and then ignore them and get rid of it anyway. - [13:22 25 January 2009] YYettie

Mafioso Recruitment[edit]

Perhaps we should stop recruiting Mafioso for now. Looks like people just joining cos it's the "cool" thing to do. Well, guess what kids? It's not. Word. -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 00:24, 23 January 2009 (UTC)

Maybe we should think about creating an Elite Inner Circle? Keep recruiting, but restrict nubmers to the inner circle to a chosen few. - [17:52 23 January 2009] YYettie
Don't we already have that? The Capo and his Buds? Also, I mean like complete the complete halting of recruitment until we really establish ourselves as whatever it is we are. -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 05:47, 25 January 2009 (UTC)
Maybe making the inner circle more established and official. Something to work to getting to. It's not just like above a certain rank, you could be in any rank but still in the inner circle. It's a sort of very special group that can be relied upon. Sort of, just formalising what we've already got. I'm not sure about halting recruitment, but maybe purging our ranks? Gently shooting all the members who aren't really doing anything. For example the head of the Russian branch isn't to active. Maybe we could leave them a little message, saying that the mafia is purging its ranks and that we're going to have to get rid of them? Obviously we'd have to do it in a way so as not to piss to many people off. - [13:22 25 January 2009] YYettie


We should have some sort of power, right? YETTIE FOR ADMIN!!! -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 00:24, 23 January 2009 (UTC)

I'd support that all the way. That would be seriously awesomely awesomely cool. - [17:52 23 January 2009] YYettie
His new sig would, of coure, be "The Administrative Yettie". Just for laughs. Man it's been a while since I've been here. --MafiaHatBrown.gif Sgarrista Mr. Bruno "Tee" Velosi
Hi, VT! -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 05:47, 25 January 2009 (UTC)
THE ADMINISTRATIVE YETTIE! - [13:22 25 January 2009] YYettie
Hi, Regret! MafiaHatBrown.gif Sgarrista Mr. Bruno "Tee" Velosi
Hi, VT! Long time no communicate! How's life? -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 00:29, 28 January 2009 (UTC)

So... how do we start getting Yettie adminified? -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 00:29, 28 January 2009 (UTC)

Shag-a-'crat. Or VFS. But mainly shag-a-'crat. Shag-a-'crat techniques have been practised for many thousands of years and have been proved 2983% more effective than normal VFS methods. - [16:53 28 January 2009] YYettie
Hmmm... which admin is more likely to be bribed by shag, i wonder... -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 02:47, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
We all know the answer to that one. We just don't want to say it, in case the said admin rushes in here, stark naked, screaming stuff about wanting to rape us. - [07:33 29 January 2009] YYettie

Whoring the N00b Page[edit]

People seem not to like that. How do we be more sneaky. maybe? -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 00:24, 23 January 2009 (UTC)

Erm well I do welcomes, so we could slip it in there. Oooh we could make a mafia welcome for mafioso to help out welcoming people? - [17:52 23 January 2009] YYettie
User:Regret Tenenbaum/mafia ad2, perhaps? Or the Adopt-a-noob page!! -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 05:47, 25 January 2009 (UTC)
Ooh on the list of users that are willing to adopt we could enter the Mafia. It would be original. The whole mafia adopting a user? I think that could work you know. It would be an interesting experiment to try with one n00b. Also I think I'll have a look at personalising the welcome template for Mafioso. I like your little ad, though. - [13:22 25 January 2009] YYettie
Template + Template In Action. Whaddya think? - [19:19 25 January 2009] YYettie

Whores in General[edit]

Please? -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 00:24, 23 January 2009 (UTC)

Yes. - [17:52 23 January 2009] YYettie
Um, where are we going to find whores? There are no girls on this site, besides Yettie, PP, & Sannse. And the last two are a bit beyond breeding age. And having the Don as our resident whore doesn't seem right for some reason. BTW, I'm in the process of getting another sig for this. --Mnbvcxz 17:27, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
Hmm... then we need some sort of pleasure-giving substitute that works over the internet. -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 05:47, 25 January 2009 (UTC)
Pr0n maybe? --Mnbvcxz 05:49, 25 January 2009 (UTC)
Special girlie page. - [13:22 25 January 2009] YYettie
Should we make a new one or just borrow some-one's existing page. --Mnbvcxz 20:47, 25 January 2009 (UTC)
I'm thinking a new one, a better than any before one, in full mafioso page colours style thingie. And in order, not just random pictures thrown about! A cunning plan is afoot! A super special secret girlie page plan! - [22:33 25 January 2009] YYettie
Is there anywhere you want pic suggestions at? --Mnbvcxz 01:06, 26 January 2009 (UTC)

Fucking the FBI[edit]

Broken FBI agents = whores (?) -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 00:24, 23 January 2009 (UTC)

Yes yes. - [17:52 23 January 2009] YYettie
Wait whAT? I refuse to have sex, voluntary or otherwise, with federal agents. Especially the male federal agents. MafiaHatBrown.gif Sgarrista Mr. Bruno "Tee" Velosi

If you're not already a-member, you should be ashamed of yourself! Why don't you enrol? In my mafia there lots-a perks - this members only bar, a shooting range and a golf-a course! Seriously, though, you either-a enrol or you sleep wit' teh fishies; your choice. I really don't wanna havva make Johnny, do it, see his mumma just died and he's real sad about it. He's a real nice guy, a real gentle, like - I wouldn't wanna havva make him do it -see?

The House Of The Mafia - Enrol In The Uncyclopedia Mafia - Member List - Mafia Ranks - More About The Uncyclopedia Mafia - Mafia Fundraising - Help For New Uncyclopedia Users

Members Only:
Family Business - IMPORTANT for all self-respecting Family members
Family Treasury - Where gangsters can come to horde their money; closely associated with Mafia Fundraising services
Members Only Bar - With poker, gossip, traditional hookers, free drinks and rather unprivate rooms
Russian Members Only Bar - Dedicated bar for the Russian wing of the Uncyclopedia Mafia
Italian Members Only Bar - Dedicated bar for the Italian wing of the Uncyclopedia Mafia
Golf Course - Large, beautiful golf course, a brilliant place to buy golf trophies
Shooting Range - A place to test out all Mafia weapons with live targets
The Rackets Room - A room filled with files on all the Mafia's rackets