User talk:Col.swordman/Archive 2

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Stop Thief! Shhhh...[edit]

Hey there! I noticed my recent UnNews article has moved to your userspace. I can appreciate that some people may be over emotional on issues like recent deaths, but I would like to think that we approached the subject with some decorum. Was my article against Uncyclopedia rules?

Well, your article is pretty much a.o.k., but, after all, since we don't want to intimidate those who are mourning for our deceased hero (see here), the authority has decided to keep it in my userspace until further notice.
P.S.: For more details, please consult this admin. He's a nice guy, so be nice with him.
-- The Colonel (talk) 02:49, 5 September 2006 (UTC)
Admins, nice? Is there something wrong with him? Looks like the article has moved back to the UnNews namespace. I am glad that you found it OK. I was hoping to write something that would fill the void without some of the nastiness that a few of the other articles seemed to have. Steve was a larger than life hero for a great many people worldwide, with a great sense of humour. I'd like to think he'd be laughing at all this right now though I imagine he would be more concerned about Terri, the kids and his other family. Thanks for keeping my article safe.

Marree Man[edit]

I made this userbox. If you don't want it then you can delete it.

Marree man greyscale outline.jpg This user is a Marree Man. Drongos just became an endangered species.


-- Premier Tom Mayfair 14:55, 4 September 2006 (UTC)

Awesome! Now we have our official userbox. -- The Colonel (talk) 16:19, 4 September 2006 (UTC)

American Fundie Magazine[edit]

Kelly Copeland anointingly advises you to do your laundry in the love of God. In fact, that's how my uncle sanctifies his income.

This was in my Inbox; you really need to get your address sorted out, I'm tired of getting your mail.

Dear Swordman:
Thank you for expressing an interest in our fine publication. As for your criticism that geocentrism is purely an early modern Catholic doctrine, let it be said that even the RC's get it right once in a while. While we rarely advertise the truth of a geocentric universe, as people laugh at us when we do, it is our belief that the Earth is the center of the universe. For more information please visit Biblical Astronomy, "Fixed Earth" or simply Google "biblical astronomy" for a wide variety of truths that agree completely with a literal interpretation of the Bible. While most of the websites are officially non-denominational, with your help (and your generous donation) we will convert the blasphemers away from their idolatry of the Virgin Mary, thus rendering the need for the veneer of tolerance moot and finally allowing us to remove the "non" from non-denominational. To thank you for taking the time to vote on VFH, then taking even more time to unvote, also on VFH, we've arranged for two free tickets for you and a partner of the opposite sex to whom you are legally wed at Dinosaur Adventure Land. While there be sure and visit our new planetarium. It's out back, by the garbage cans and construction waste (watch out for rusty nails!). Send money.

Seriously, you'd be surprised at the weird shit that you can find on the internet; sadly I got rid of most of the links that I'd accumulated while researching the AFM page as the links were making my computer sad. There was more: much more. If anything I left too much stuff out. That the idiocy of one group happens to match up with the ignorance of another is serendipity.--Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 14:29, 28 August 2006 (UTC)

Aw, screw it. I cut Astronomy as it was the weakest part of the page (You're right, in a way. It's only the fundiest fundies that are geocentric. Their rarity makes them less funny/sad than the regular literalist.). Some minor decrufting too...and Astro was replaced by Creationism which, I hope we can agree, is a fundie trademark. I didn't have it in initially because there's already a creationism page, and it's not half bad. But I digress...--Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 03:08, 29 August 2006 (UTC)

Incidentally, the conversation that your valid criticism generated is here if you want to add your two cents.--Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 04:33, 30 August 2006 (UTC)

I'm sorry that I put this at the bottom of your talkpage, rather than the top. I was so busy with what I was say that I didn't pay attention to where I was saying it. That I had showtunes stuck in my head after teaming up with Shandon to make HMS Potatore probably didn't help...--Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 08:41, 1 September 2006 (UTC)

Chill out, dude. Life is just too short for me to get mad at trival matters like this.
I was watching a comedy show last night and those hosts there were talking about a fundie show that Channel 10 Australia broadcasts every weekday morning. At some point there was a footage of the show [1] on how a housewife could be blest by diligently doing laundry. Thanks to these faithful Christian comedians, who selflessly fought their sinful desire of sleeping in order to bring such good news to everyone, now I have realised why my uncle is so blest for his laundering effort.

--The Colonel (talk) 10:05, 2 September 2006 (UTC)

We get Ken Copland here too. 500 channels and nothing on...Note to self: do more laundry. Too bad they didn't show whatever obscure/out of context biblical passage proves this blessedness. It's like the Simpson's, there's a quote for everything in there somewhere. Send money.
Is that the same series where they once went to a Westboro Baptist Church rally and the interviewer started hitting on the men? I saw a clip of that...whoever it was, he had balls.
Thanks, you've gone a made me mad about nuttery again; Benny Hinn is the lowest form of life. People who profit from the desperation of others...oooo! Mad! --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 15:28, 2 September 2006 (UTC)
Yep! That's the same series where they ticked off those Westboro jerks [2]. -- The Colonel (talk) 18:06, 2 September 2006 (UTC)
Religion, sadly, is for the most part off the table for criticism here. Not that we've got much here, because here, in whatever country it is that I am from, we pride ourselves on standing for whatever the opposite is of what the US stands for. They talk about it. Us, not so much. They like guns, us not so much. They like violence but not sex in film/tv, we like sex but not violence...
Aw screw it, I'm going fundie! <pops up out of chair> Wooo hooo! <runs around in circles> Life is so much simpler now that someone else is in charge of my life! <falls down stairs...> --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 18:59, 2 September 2006 (UTC)

...and if you don't mind, could you take a look at the changes to AFM and render an opinion? Since you're the first (and, to date, only) person to critique the page (and find it wanting), I'd like to hear what you think of the changes. I like the new "Creationism" section, it's to-the-point and shows that their view of things is coming from a whole different angle.--Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 14:19, 3 September 2006 (UTC)

I saw VFH, glad you approve. Can I move on now?--Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 16:11, 3 September 2006 (UTC)
Be on your way. -- The Colonel (talk) 16:19, 4 September 2006 (UTC)

Lance bass player[edit]

Your version was better, but I just got a photochop knockoff called "The Gimp." Not very good, but I thought you would like it. -- Sir Severian Severian1.jpg CUN.png (Sprich mit mir!) Kraut.png 16:40, 14 August 2006 (UTC)

Lance bass player.jpg
Hmmm... An eerie grin with fish eyes - what a tribute!
Thanks by the way.
-- The Colonel (talk) 17:01, 14 August 2006 (UTC)

How come?![edit]

How come you put my Cat Nation page in the Australia category? And linked it to a wikipedia (of all things) article on that band I didn't intend the article to represent? Not that I'm complaining...extra traffic is extra traffic. The preceding unsigned comment was added by Magnificat (talk • contribs)

How am I supposed to answer this? "Meow"?
Ok! This is what I actually did: I went to the search page, did a query on Australia and put whatever I thought was Australian in the "Australia" category. If you think the article has been put in a wrong category, just undo the change. -- The Colonel (talk) 11:00, 14 August 2006 (UTC)

"How am I supposed to answer this? 'Meow'"?

-Pretty much, yes. I just wanted to make sure that there wasn't some deeply logical and valid reason that I'd missed before I changed it. Thanks for replying. --Magnificat 11:08, 16 August 2006 (UTC)


on the featured image.... :) -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb.png (talk to me)

Crikey! Featured image? Well, at least those four hours I spent on it really paid off.
Kakun does deserve some credit, too.
-- The Colonel (talk) 15:11, 12 August 2006 (UTC)


Newcookie.gif §ǚρωξλ£μĦΦφ≈€ƏξßÐÆØΞ has awarded you a cookie!
Now go play in traffic.

For acting the way Nintendorulez acts toward Euroipods towards Benson. -- §. | WotM | PLS | T | C | A21:47, 7 August 2006 (UTC)

"Popular writers always get all the attention"[edit]

Thats not a reference to me, is it? If you'd care to have a look at the VFH Hall of Shame you'll see that I've only had three articles featured in the year that I have been here. Sometimes VFH and VFP does become a popularity contents (though it shouldn't) and sometimes people have to whore for votes, but we all feel passionate about what we are doing here, and if your article is close to been featured you do get all excited.

Having said that we've all had the disappointment of seeing some of our work voted off, my list of the fallen includes Uncyclopedians, Fire and Brimstone, Wildeboys and quite a few more. Hopefully it makes you strive to write better articles and hopefully become a better writer. I hope that you stick around, I know first hand how difficult it is juggling multiple careers, family and social commitments and still finding time for this place. But I also think its good to have a place like this to unwind, and lets not forget, all this is supposed to be fun. :)

Anyway, thanks for the vote on Voynich Manuscript, even if I'm not in my pre-featuring frenzy, I much appreciate it. :) -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb.png (talk to me)

That was just a rant... for fun. My one and the only attempt on VFH is still on the page, although, I must say, it is not getting much attention despite it is still unblemished of Against votes. Yes, Uncyc is much a fun place to be, but, again, there is always a limit as to how much one can handle, and, unfortunately, Uncyc is just one of the things that have to go, whether my article will get featured or not. I am not saying that I won't be back ever again, but you won't see me as often here as you do now.
That's just life. :) -- The Colonel (talk) 14:52, 5 August 2006 (UTC)

Pee Review of Oz war stuff[edit]

Hey, Colonel. Are you a sword(s)man in the literal sense, or in the metaphorical corned-beef cutlass sense (as in: "I escorted Lady Penelope to her chambers and as she was clearly gagging for it felt obliged to put her to the sword")?

Colonel: colonel of the flamewar business
Swordman: A word spelt wrong can't be meaningful, can it? (except drwing attetion) -- The Colonel (talk) 14:50, 2 August 2006 (UTC)

In any case, I've had a bash at the Australia wars stuff and put it up for Pee Review, but I think I stuffed up submitting it so it doesn't show on the Pee Review. I could probably do it again and get it right, but frankly, I can't be arsed. You can see it at What do you reckon of it? -- Sir Armando Perentie Icons-flag-au.png KUN FP 10:29, 2 August 2006 (UTC)

Problem fixed. The page has been moved to PR, although it is not quite what that place is for. -- The Colonel (talk) 14:50, 2 August 2006 (UTC)

PS: I moved ferret racing out of the Oz sport section to its own page. For better or (probably) worse it has since spawned a spin-off UnBook. -- Sir Armando Perentie Icons-flag-au.png KUN FP 10:30, 2 August 2006 (UTC)

Hmmm... not bad. -- The Colonel (talk) 14:50, 2 August 2006 (UTC)

Re: Oz stuff[edit]

Hey Colonel,

Glad my Oz stuff made it out the other end of the sheep dip (though there's already been a bit of revert action going on, IP-style). As for it being too long, sure - fold, spindle, manipulate and/or huff.

I've been thinking of doing a separate piece on the Great Bookie Robbery and Ferret Gunk Heist, which was a watershed moment in our nation's history and led to a wholesale reorganisation of the Victoria Police Ferret Squad and the loss of gallons of priceless historical DNA from some of the greatest rabbit-botherers the track has ever seen, including 1947 Wangaratta Cup winner Trouser Python.

In any case, if you'd like me to have a bash at anything else, let me know. Oh, and thanks for the info about the sig stuff.

--Armando 11:44, 30 July 2006 (UTC)

Oz page[edit]

G'day. I signed up for that "rescue Australia" mission but then I was just sitting on me date and thought "Struth! No point being on the bludge when there's a bit of hard yakka to be done." So I had a bash at rewriting the sports bit. Hope it passes muster. Not the funniest thing you'll ever read, but hopefully better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. I've kept all the old stuff on me desktop, so I can put it back if you prefer it the way it was. As we say in Australia, I hope your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down. --Armando 16:23, 29 July 2006 (UTC)


No, I'm not saying I want u gone...That FFS page is essentially a joke anyway (u nominated yourself). J/w about it. -- Sir Cornbread The Great America...Fuck Yeah!!!! [SHOUT] [MUN] ~RAP~ [GET IT FEATURED!] 03:37, 24 July 2006 (UTC)
Ok, that's cool then. -- The Colonel (talk) 11:29, 24 July 2006 (UTC)

ref:Pentium 4[edit]

  • "For, because I'm one of the poor bastards that bought a Pentium Pro and I'm still holding a grudge. Modusoperandi 00:54, 21 July 2006 (UTC)
    • Then I hope you are not still mad at the fact that Pentium Pro is weak in 16-bit processing. -- The Colonel (talk) 08:35, 22 July 2006 (UTC)"

While it was wicked fast at the time, I'm mad because I dropped 2G's on P-Pro/ram/board a couple of weeks before Intel abandoned it. $2,000 was (and continues to be) a lot of money to me. Of course, now that they've got real competition, I can (and did) get most of a compu for half that. It wasn't Intel. Modusoperandi 08:55, 22 July 2006 (UTC)

In the olde days AMD CPU's were sucky little things that no one would like to buy, but now since Intel has pretty much abandoned the technological side of the market and focused itself on hypes (like Pentium 4 Extreeeeeme Editions and other useless scat), AMD is given all the opportunity to show the whole world what it's truly capable of. In fact, I was kind of amused when I heard the news that Intel was going to throw the entire P4 line into the waste basket perhaphs due to the reason that even an Athlon 64 running at 2.6GHz could easily outperform a Prescott/Cedar Mill running at 4.0GHz. So, if Intel doesn't strive to be the first again, it will become the last.
Anyway, thanks for the vote. -- The Colonel (talk) 10:00, 22 July 2006 (UTC)
I dunno, the 386/40 was good back in the day. Votewise I'm here for you, man (as long as it's good). I hope Intel catches up; competition is good. It keeps all sides on their toes (look what ATI/Nvidia have done for vid cards. Granted the top end stuff is stupidly expensive, but the tech filters down quick). Modusoperandi 10:50, 22 July 2006 (UTC)


You don't have to comment on something, you know, you can just put in a plain ol' for or against. --POJoe!Ireland.jpgTALKCONTRIBS[email protected] 14:55, 19 July 2006 (UTC)

This is was I said there:
"it would be even nicer if you make a comment or two..."
So, the bottomline is that I won't go after you with a claymore even if you are reluctant to comment on the article, but since I was the one who wrote it I'd like to see if there is any room for improvement. That's all. -- The Colonel (talk) 15:02, 19 July 2006 (UTC)


When I vote "For", I usually *don't* comment, because I don't find reason too. It was all very funny, with the best part being that they couldn't print shiny labels that said "Pentium IIII" because it came out as "Pentium ██" Also, somehow Apple was squeezed in there, with iHumor, which wasn't *the best*, but either than that, the article was funny. What else is there to say? For. --Icons-flag-us.png SonicChao Babbel!Contribs 17:25, 19 July 2006 (UTC)

I am just a bit anxious with this one, you know, since it's my first article on VFH, and perhaps the last. -- The Colonel (talk) 17:44, 19 July 2006 (UTC)


It was only a kick... You were supposed to come back straight away... :( --Sir Mon€¥$ignSTFU [email protected]|PLS|NotM 14:11, 16 July 2006 (UTC)

Why am I supposed to come back? I haven't sunk to that low yet. Hee-hee... -- The Colonel (talk) 14:13, 16 July 2006 (UTC)
Gotcha! (Actually, I have to go back to my work or I'll get my butt kicked by my supervisor.) -- The Colonel (talk) 14:14, 16 July 2006 (UTC)
(I mean, tomorrow.) -- The Colonel (talk) 14:17, 16 July 2006 (UTC)
No rush, though... Take your time... I'm just saying... It's not like you were banned or anything... --Sir Mon€¥$ignSTFU [email protected]|PLS|NotM 14:35, 16 July 2006 (UTC)

About the BENSON forum.[edit]

You reallly shouldn't be posting in there until you've left a reply here. Either way, BENSON's logic has proven how shallow you are by not dignifying his flawless logic with a response, and still imaturely posting in the rest of the forum, thereby showing you have lost to his logic. --Nintendorulez | talk 00:35, 8 July 2006 (UTC)

  1. If your bozo Benson is at all flawless then let him defend himself. Don't fight for him.
  2. Don't you see the big picture here? Any time spent on praising Benson was wasted. My time spent on trolling Benson, on the other hand, was investment. Ask yourself this question: where is Benson now? Look - I guess that idiot is still trying to figure out a way to answer my eight questions! *laugh out loud*
  3. Stop wasting your life on this, kid! Benson is history. Find something else to do and make yourself useful.
-- Colonel Swordman 18:24, 8 July 2006 (UTC)


You have now bested me and my own aggressive bullet point on VFH, and in Greek even. Well played, indeed. -- Imrealized 22:04, 7 July 2006 (UTC)

Ok. I think I'll take that as a compliment. -- Colonel Swordman 18:24, 8 July 2006 (UTC)
You should you funny, funny bastard. No really, that FFS thing is great. Took me a little while to find it, but nice work and all. You really leaving if your article is featured? What if it isn't, will you stick around then? Maybe I'll go back and change my vote — I'm just starting to like tolerate you. ;) -- Imrealized ...huh? 05:22, 27 July 2006 (UTC)
FFS is a gag voting page started by a guy called Jack Mort, and, yes, I'm going to leave because there is a better life for me out there and I just can't keep spending my time on this wiki. -- The Colonel (talk) 13:41, 27 July 2006 (UTC)
Oh, I got the gag and the fact that Jack Mort started it up; what I meant was what I refered to on VFH — all your votes against yourself signing others names and with comments that pertained to each. It was bloody brilliant and had me laughing more than a lot of featured articles. Well played, indeed, umm, again. Sorry to see ya go (no really, that's not a joke, or is it?) but can understand the need to break your addiction and get educated, or whatever it is you said you were doing. Pleasure sparring with you, for however briefly. Good luck. -- Imrealized ...huh? 20:05, 27 July 2006 (UTC)


Plusgood edits. ~ Ghelæ talkcontribs 17:09, 7 July 2006 (UTC)

Cool. Let's celebrate with a cold glass of Victory Gin! -- Colonel Swordman 17:23, 7 July 2006 (UTC)
Don't like gin. Can I have a coke instead? ~ Ghelæ talkcontribs 17:25, 7 July 2006 (UTC)
Coke is for proles.-- Colonel Swordman 17:28, 7 July 2006 (UTC)
Lemonade? Orange Juice? ~ Ghelæ talkcontribs 17:31, 7 July 2006 (UTC)
Doubleplusungood crimethinker! Those drinks are for dogs and proles. Now go to Miniluv and confess your crime against our great BB. -- Colonel Swordman 17:34, 7 July 2006 (UTC)
You crimethinker! You unspeak Newspeak. You confess crimes Miniluv! ~ Ghelæ talkcontribs 17:42, 7 July 2006 (UTC)
Hey, we haven't released the 11th edition Newspeak Dictionary yet! Not harmonising yourself with the Party's agenda is ownlife. So, who's the is crimethinker here, huh? -- Colonel Swordman 17:45, 7 July 2006 (UTC)
*releases doubleplusgood 11th Newspeak Dictionary* - you, crimethinker! ~ Ghelæ talkcontribs 17:47, 7 July 2006 (UTC)
(Thoughtpolice storm in.) *change clothes* *sip wine* You, unperson. Muhahaha.... -- Colonel Swordman 17:53, 7 July 2006 (UTC)
*kills thought police and BB* hahaha... ~ Ghelæ talkcontribs 07:11, 8 July 2006 (UTC)
*oh, and Col.swordman* ~ Ghelæ talkcontribs 07:11, 8 July 2006 (UTC)

That Csabbah vanity trash[edit]

Could you please tell me what is wrong with the article csabba? I mean I make fun of a guy called csabba and dont know what's with the vanity you are talking about. We ironized him a lot and it seems to me a pretty funny article, with some nice jokes. Reply pls [shatterstar] The preceding unsigned comment was added by shatterstar (talk • contribs)

Ha-ha, very funny! -- Colonel Swordman 19:52, 2 July 2006 (UTC)

"ironized??" --Donut Buy one!|Get one Free!|[email protected]|MUN 22:00, 12 July 2006 (UTC)
Bah! This moron made a vanity page called "Csabbah", only to get deleted by Tompkins. Then he/she/it started the whole thing again under a sightly different title. I sabotaged the work by means of vandalism, and he/she/it retaliated by mucking up my userpage - bad move! Mhaille reverted the damage and gave this retard a good ban. Then, Tompkins stepped in, removed all the vanity scat and gave yet another vandal a week ban. I laughed. -- The Colonel (talk) 01:21, 13 July 2006 (UTC)