User talk:Jack mort

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2006 - | - march - june - | - september - december

2007 - | - janurary - february


Grasp the candle and bang on


You're welcome, noob :P - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - 22:13, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

In Soviet Russia, award gives YOU![edit]

Red M&M.png Comrade NeedABrain has awarded you a red M&M!
Due voting on Practical Lessons on Communism

"In Soviet Russia, article features YOU!"

-- herr doktor needsApistol Rocket.gif [scream!] 15:41, 1 March 2007 (UTC)

Welkom - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - 22:15, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

My Comrade[edit]

Premier Tom Mayfair 18:30, 1 March 2007 (UTC)

More than welcome Tom - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - 22:16, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

Cardinals and Tigers[edit]

Yooooooooooooooou're welcome! - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - 22:17, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

We shall never forget[edit]

~ 16:58, 4 March 2007 (UTC)

Anything for the lost Porcheesies - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - 22:18, 9 August 2007 (UTC)


Dyslexia isn't a bad article, it's pretty funny, but I don't feel it is good enough to be on the front page. It needs 1 more image, maybe 2, I'll try to find some good ones --GAMESPOT=666 03:48, 5 March 2007 (UTC)

cheers, i was wondering about having the picture in the picture, like a tunnel, and couldn't remember why i didn't do it. i have remembered though, it's because the image is at the top, with the navigation bars at the side, and i dunno how i'd go about making them turkish like the rest of the text. i think it was turkish. Also gamespot=666 has added another image to the page, so prob just needs one more now. see what you think - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - 20:10, 5 March 2007 (UTC)

Thank you for your vote[edit]

-- 15Mickey20 (talk to Mickey)  19:51, 8 March 2007 (UTC)

Any time dave - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - 22:19, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

meh, yet another "Thanks for the vote"[edit]

AtomicPrizeAvatar.jpg Atomic Disturbance would like to thank you for voting for
UnNews:Boy subjected to harsh criticism, cries like little girl.

The Power Is Yours!
449px-Crying boy.jpg
So you finally did change your mind? Bet you were just sick of seeing it on VFH. -- 19:37, 9 March 2007 (UTC)

Nah, re-read it and liked it better the second time - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - 22:20, 9 August 2007 (UTC)


The-golden-chainsaw.jpg Welcome to the Chaingang from El Zoof! Now go cut your head off - safely!
Thanks for voting for HowTo:Cut Your Own Head Off With a Chainsaw

--El Zoof 02:02, 10 March 2007 (UTC)

I would say you're welcome but thanks to you I've decapitated myself :| - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - 22:21, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

Another Thanks![edit]

Colt1812.jpg For voting for Is a 1982 Mitsubishi Colt better than a Bugatti Veyron?, you have been awarded one of Cs1987's many 1982 Mitsubishi Colts!

Sorry I couldn't afford a better present. It might arrive in the mail soon, if you are lucky.

Icons-flag-au.png Sir Cs1987 UOTM. t. c 02:01, 15 March 2007 (UTC)

Welcome man, thanks for the car! - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - 22:22, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

-*dies in a horrible crash*

Thanks for the vote![edit]

8ball-inside.jpg For voting for her article, UnBooks:Choose Your Own Adventure,
Sanns-sig.gif has awarded you:
The inside of a magic 8-ball. Now all your choices will be easy.

You are most welcome - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - 22:24, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

Thank you![edit]

Radio Announcer.jpg
Xylitol thanks you for voting him to be Article Narrator of the Month.

"You have transcended the status quo of coolness."

Xylitol 21:59, 8 March 2007 (UTC)

You're welcome - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - 22:26, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

Wa-hey! Free Food![edit]

Bagels.jpg Shalom!
Yum! You've received a basket of delicious fresh bagels from RabbiTechno!

מזל טוב

RabbiTechno 12:39, 29 March 2007 (UTC)

Cheers, got any schmeer? - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - 22:28, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

Thanks from UnNews latest blabber mouth[edit]

Network rage.jpg I'm Mad As...

Thank you for your vote. And, yes, I'm seeking professional help.

Thanks for the vote, mate. Kenvalyi 01:49, 1 April 2007 (UTC)

Thank you, thank you, thank you, etc.[edit]

For voting for me for WoTM in March. Big Hugs, Dame PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 15:55, 1 April 2007 (UTC)

Mmmmm Children[edit]

Walgreen33.jpg The Premier has awarded you a coupon
for 50% off of 1 child with the purchase of
3 children at equal or lesser value!!
Presented for your vote and getting Walgreens Drug Store featured.
In Soviet Russia, Premier Tom Mayfair thanks YOU!!
Offer Expires 12/21/2012

Premier Tom Mayfair 02:33, 6 April 2007 (UTC)

Oi Jack[edit]

Give me your email address when you see this - or at least register one so that I can use the "email this user" function. -- Sir Codeine K·H·P·B·M·N·C·U·Bu. · (Harangue) 01:40, 26 May 2007 (UTC)

Hey, i did the thing thing, so you should be able to email me now. late reply i know, i was away for a while and when i got back my internet was even more shagged than before, at the moment i seem to be stealing connection from a neighbour's mobile phone :/ - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - 18:26, 4 June 2007 (UTC)
We've missed you!!!!! -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb.png (talk to me)

Thanks for the vote[edit]

Kittymeal.jpg For voting for against her article, TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL,
Sanns-sig.gif has awarded you:
A Hello Kitty airplane meal. Now that's a meal from Hell.


Lord Kearsy of Wicked

Mr. Kearsy so cool, he doesn't have to say anything in order to thank you. Just look into his eyes and you'll know.

I'd give you a half-thanks, but apparently there's no such thing ;) --THINKER 06:54, 15 June 2007 (UTC)

Poo Lit Surprise Judging[edit]

Glad to see you've volunteered! Now's your chance to sign up for your preferred Category, whichever that may be. Head over to the project page and put your name down where you want it. Thanks in advance. I'll be keeping in touch over the course of the competition, so stay tuned and feel free to hit me up on my talk page should you need to. Sir ENeGMA (talk) GUN WotM PLS 16:04, 24 June 2007 (UTC)

Wiki Survey[edit]

Thanks so much for completing my survey! Sutton4019 10:20, 28 June 2007 (UTC)


Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 13:15, 7 July 2007 (UTC)

PLS Judging Instructions: Have a Gander[edit]

I'm sending you this because you are signed up to judge the Poo Lit Surprise. If there has been some accident or mistake, and you no longer want to judge, please tell me as soon as possible. If you're still good to go, here are the instructions. First, read all the articles in your specified category. Second, judge them. Judge how you like, as long as it's at least somewhat fair and based on merit. And C, post your top 5 articles here, in order: User:ENeGMA/PLS Judging Hit me up on my talk page should these rules not cognizate within you. Thank you again for your continued cooperation in the balletic train wreck that is the Poo Lit Surprise. Sir ENeGMA (talk) GUN WotM PLS 01:31, 9 July 2007 (UTC)

Er, Pee review tables go up to 10, not 20. --Lt. High Gen. Grue The Few The Proud, The Marines 21:18, 11 July 2007 (UTC)
if you think i care then you are sadly mistaken, also stay the fuck off my userspace thing, cockchomp - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - 21:28, 11 July 2007 (UTC)
Rawr.-Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 23:24, 11 July 2007 (UTC)

Jack, my looking at how you judged and asking about it is not an excuse to give my article a crappy review. If you're that offended because I looked, I apologize. But please, judge it based on merit as an article, not based on the fact that you dislike me for some reason. P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon.gif(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:04, 12 July 2007 (UTC)

I may be a kantankerous fucker but i'm not a cock, i wouldn't really judge an article based on anything other than its own quality. i don't dislike you anyway, you just wound me up, i need no animosity. *handshake* - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - 23:10, 16 July 2007 (UTC)

OK, thanks for being cool about it. /me returns the handshake. P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon.gif(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:05, 17 July 2007 (UTC)

Tuh hank you[edit]

Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 20:05, 12 July 2007 (UTC)

PLS Results[edit]

We need those results in shortly, or I shall be forced to find someone else. Time is running way with my watch. Sir ENeGMA (talk) GUN WotM PLS 14:15, 16 July 2007 (UTC)

exactly what date do you need the final results in? like a final deadline. I'm getting through the judging, slowly but surely. i have a full time job and a social life, plus i wanted to take my time judging, rather than just rush through the articles and pick favourites on a whim. I'm almost done now though, fear not. - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - 23:14, 16 July 2007 (UTC)
Drinking in alleys doesn't count as a social life, Jack. You should know that. -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb.png (talk to me)
depends how many other tramps there are in the alley with you :P - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - 23:23, 16 July 2007 (UTC)

You Judges the PLS! And you didn't fuck it up! Congratulations![edit]

Thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to read articles for me for no pay. Sir ENeGMA (talk) GUN WotM PLS 20:29, 27 July 2007 (UTC)

I see you there[edit]

And why, pray tell, aren't you on IRC? Hmmm? -- Sir Codeine K·H·P·B·M·N·C·U·Bu. · (Harangue) 22:18, 9 August 2007 (UTC)

Konichi Wa![edit]

So, how was it? -- Sir Codeine K·H·P·B·M·N·C·U·Bu. · (Harangue) 13:35, 19 November 2007 (UTC)

was fantastic :D i saw so many schoolgirls i almost grew tentactles! - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - 13:39, 19 November 2007 (UTC)
/me rapes JackMort, in joy. -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb.png (talk to me)

Baffling The Color Problem?[edit]

Well I hope you got some of it! Us Brits are rather strange you know... MrN Icons-flag-gb.png 00:10, 27 November 2007 (UTC)


We couldn't get you into the events as a competitor this year, but we did give you front row seats. Just watch out for the javelins. --THE 01:14, 28 November 2007 (UTC)



You voted...

...for Francis Winkler! In the name of all state-employed public educators of unstraight persuasion everywhere, thank you!

Thanks! --Andorin Kato 01:59, 3 December 2007 (UTC)

Many thanks[edit]

SmashSpeckys.jpg MrN9000 has awarded you with this rather nicely coloured boxy thing to thank you for voting and helping to get The Color Problem featured on the front page.
*Please do not mention the colour/color problem. It's not an issue. Really.

MrN Icons-flag-gb.png 17:22, Dec 6

Christmas and stuff[edit]

Evil santa.jpg Merry Christmas!
or whatever it is you
new-fangled Christians do at this
time of year.
From Rabbi Techno
Merry Christmas

Despite being required by British law to carry an umbrella throughout December, and to respond to all festive cheer with "Bah Humbug", nonetheless I wish you a very Merry Christmas. Or Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or whatever other gnostic mystical mumbo-jumbo you colonials practice these days.
Just don't tell the Queen.


-- Sir Codeine K·H·P·B·M·N·C·U·Bu. · (Harangue) 12:53, 17 December 2007 (UTC)

Is that....[edit]

A recent edit from Jack Mort I see before me? -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb.png (talk to me)

I'm afraid so. i was even on irc for a few minutes.
between employment and womens i've not had a lot of time for contributing. hopefully gonna write some stuff tomorrow tho, and do some voting. maybe see you if you're about - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon.jpg - 03:04, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
What you need to do is to use effective time management. If employment and women are using up all of your time consider combining the two into one single process. Have you considered becoming a manwhore? That would reduce your time commitment by up to 50%, leaving you enough time to have fun on Uncyclopedia, drink, etc. All life's problems can be dealt with by careful consideration like this. -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb.png (talk to me)

UnOrder Awards[edit]

Dear <insert name here>, the monthly awards for the Unorder of Uncyclopedia are now open nomination and voting. You can nominate your fellow UnOrder Members for Weiner of the Month (UnOrder Writer of the Month), b00b of the Month (UnOrder n00b of the Month), and Recyclopedian of the Month (UnOrder Uncyclopedian of the Month). Thank you and have a nice day! ~ Readmesoon


Sneak in here, make an edit and fuck off ya bastard......get in touch, would be nice to hear from you. Also have a look at your Animal Suicides article... :) -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb.png (talk to me)