User talk:Leatherboundbooks/archive

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these, are the archives:

Welcome to our magnificent civilization![edit]


Greetings, honored traveler Leatherboundbooks/archive, and welcome to the glorious nation of Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions to the site. I hope you enjoy this great land and decide to make a home here. If not, the city exit is right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah, there you go. Anyway, here are a few helpful links for humble newcomers such as yourself:

If you read any of Uncyclopedia's sacred parchments, make it the above two links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with some sort of issue, try these:

I hope you enjoy editing here and being a proud citizen of Uncyclopedia! Please remember to sign your name on all talk pages by typing four tildes (~~~~) or alternatively use the "sign" button (Button sig.png) that you see just above the edit box. This will automatically produce both your name and the date.

If you need any sort of help, then feel free to ask me on my talk page, ask at the Village Dump, or add the following template: {{help}} to this page along with a message describing your dilemma and someone will come along and help you if they can.

Again, welcome! --General Insineratehymn 02:15, 6 April 2007 (UTC)

Plusgood Newspeak[edit]

Plusgood duckspeak on user page, comrade. Correction: "Minluv no tolerate" become "Miniluv untolerate," ref. Newspeak Dictionary, Eleventh edition (just kidding). --The Acceptable Thinking cap small.png Cainad Sacred Chao.png (Fnord) 06:14, 10 April 2007 (UTC)

Herr Doktor's drill program, admission questionnaire[edit]

  • Okay, kiddo, first of them all, talk a little about yourself:
    • How old are you? No, I'm not dismissing you if you are bellow the age of consent, but that's an information I have to bear in mind when looking for cultural references. For instance, you may be an old scoundrel like me that have seen Speed Racer and Space Pirate on release. And had enough age to let my hair grow and use checkered shirts when Nirvana has arrived.
    • Which are your favorite humoristic programs? I'm talking about both TV, movies, comics and books.
    • By the way, do you know Mel Brooks, Monthy Python, Gore Vidal and Douglas Adams? They all seem to be MAJOR references over here.
    • Do you consider yourself to be a nerd or a geek? 'Cause I am one. Actually, I was a nerd until I learned how to dress myself up, hear the right music, and by so get to the chicks. Now I'm one of the later, hehehe.
    • Have in mind that I cannot teach you humor. I just can help you avoiding overused jokes and other little stuff you have not to do.


herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 13:35, 11 April 2007 (UTC)

Herr Doktor's drill program, field training 1[edit]

All right, grasshopper, let's start. First thing: you're sixteen and at this age interweb speaking is considered acceptable. That's a generation barrier, I guess. Up here, ALWAYS use correct - not necessarily formal - English. Even - or better - specially when you're talking to other users. That's the key to earning other users's respect, and respect will help you not feeling n00b anymore. Also, any article written with lolz, rulz, roxes and u's have an IMMENSE chance of being deleted.

Now let's talk about article survival. I've noticed a red link to an article in your user page. Was it deleted? -- herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 20:31, 11 April 2007 (UTC)

It wasn't deleted, its just an idea I had that I was hoping to write an article on. I was having fun the past couple days looking at other people's pages and hadn't had any particular inspiration on how to make what I think is a good idea into a great article. I may as well start tonight. Leatherboundbooks 22:04, 11 April 2007 (UTC)
Okay, in that case, I have a hint for you. Create the article in your user space instead of the main space. This prevents the article from being deleted while you are still working on it. It works like this: browse your user page, then type "/" and the name of your article after the slash. For example, the one listed on your user page will appear like this: " Force One". Spaces are permitted. Now press "go" at your browser and choose to create the page when asked. When you think the article is finished, simply move it to the main space with the move tab atop the page. Capisce? -- herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 22:14, 11 April 2007 (UTC)
Oh cool ill move it in a sec. atm its a skeleton of what's to be (no pics, more quotes + jokes) and it roughly outlines my ideas for the concept. Leatherboundbooks 22:39, 11 April 2007 (UTC)
  • Okay, now since you've created your article at the main space and moved it to your user space, list your own article (the one at the main space, not the one at your user space) on QVFD with the comment "pointless redirect", so the admins will remove it while you're still working at your user space. It's just a question of etiquette. -- herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 22:44, 11 April 2007 (UTC)
k done.Leatherboundbooks 23:00, 11 April 2007 (UTC)
  • You're doing great, kiddo! Now, I think I'm going off for a while. When you're done with your new article, leave me a message and we will discuss it, ookie? -- herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 23:03, 11 April 2007 (UTC)
btw, what's the best way to search for an image instead of constantly uploading new ones? The upload page only shows a massive list or a search engine that goes nowhere for me- maybe im just not sure how to use it. Leatherboundbooks 00:11, 12 April 2007 (UTC)
  • Hmmm... that's quite hard. You may look up into articles you think that could have the image you're looking for, specially if it's a famous one. But normally we simple google for the image and upload it. As this is a humor site, we have no issues with copyright violations, as wikipedia has. Just mark the article as a "Stolen" or "Copyright violation" when you're uploading it. -- herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 00:16, 12 April 2007 (UTC)
The Article is complete! At least for now. probably will add some templates, maybe a category and certainly the old uncyclopedian tradition of beginning every article with 473 quotes. for now Ive got a little hwk to catch up on and even some chores. hopefully youll review it before it gets huffed.
edit: before i go, I thought to myself, how does one put a picture on the left margin? its done it automatically for me once before (on Han Solo) but im not sure how. Leatherboundbooks 00:37, 12 April 2007 (UTC)
  • Try this:
[[Image:YourImage.jpg|thumb|left|XXXpx|Your silly comment here]]
XXX is the image width in pixels. Silly comment is the image caption. Thumb is for the image box to appear. As for your article, we will discuss it further and, when you move it to main space, you will place it on pee review. --herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 00:46, 12 April 2007 (UTC)
Oh, sorry, now I've noticed you asked me for the left margin. I usually don't place images on the left because they screw with the subsections and topics. But that's up to you. -- herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 00:50, 12 April 2007 (UTC)
It appears that this time the left margin works w/o making the text shift all over the place. anyway, I think Im ready to talk about the content of the article itself. Leatherboundbooks 01:08, 12 April 2007 (UTC)
  • That's Lesson 2... I'm sorry, but I can't help myself in making this a joke in itself. Now give me some time, okay? -- herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 01:18, 12 April 2007 (UTC)
  • You adopt a 16 year old and expect patience?! lolz, u rulz and roxes! Leatherboundbooks 01:20, 12 April 2007 (UTC)

Herr Doktor's drill program, field training 2[edit]

Fine, kid. I've read your article and don't feel offended from what I will tell you. You have made a (fine) piece of Random Humor. It's called this way because you could change the names of the personalities involved without changing the basic premise - if there is one between all of the insane nonsense. Anachronism is not bad per se, but to make this a piece of adult satire, you have to link your idea with something more life-like. Or, in case of Han Solo, fiction-like. I advise you to brainstorming until you find some linking between George Washington, Harrison Ford and Han Solo. When you have a complete idea, fill the blanks in the history that leave a "plain nonsense, ha" sensation and instead you will get a "my good, how insane! Hahahahaha!" sensation. Got me? By the way, your article is in no way sub-standard, so you may place it on Pee Review now and get other person's opinion. Just remember that the process is not automated: you will have to replace the link with your article's link - no matter it is still at you user space - and place a signed comment bellow. Any comment, as "my second article, please be kind". Roger that? -- herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 01:42, 12 April 2007 (UTC)

It's definately a piece of random humor - thats indisputable. for clarification though, did you read Han Solo or Harrison Ford I? They add some consistency to my alternate history of the American Revolution, however not much. At some point, hopefully my history of the American Revolution will be accepted as the truth. Leatherboundbooks 02:26, 12 April 2007 (UTC)
  • It's a personal opinion, boy. I personally dislike random humor, and that's another reason for you using the pee review. Your mentor is somewhat limited, sorry to say that... hehehe. But VFH-grade articles are generally - just generally, not as an absolute rule - not random. Advice you want, this gives you me, young Skywakjer. You're free to dismiss this Yoda anytime you want. ;) -- herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 02:32, 12 April 2007 (UTC)
  • anyway, im gonna sit on the history for a little while and brainstorm on some other articles to write. I do appreciate the help so far so keep it up. Leatherboundbooks 03:47, 12 April 2007 (UTC)

New Article Idea![edit]

  • So I have another idea for my next article. basically i toyed with the idea of a how to on avoiding unnecessary feminine attention - basically getting rid of a naggy girl. Then I thought it would be funnier to make an article called "howto:impress a girl" as it would be an enlightening subject for the stereotype uncyclopedian, with a funny twist if you will Leatherboundbooks 02:33, 13 April 2007 (UTC)
  • I think there's already articles about getting to the chicks but running away from the chicks is far funnier - and original. Great idea, kiddo. What about, hmmm, HowTo:Run Away From Fat Ladies? Is that you have in mind? -- herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 04:10, 13 April 2007 (UTC)
  • Man, you're quick! Now I've realized that you've already created the article. It's giggling funny - what, coming from me, you really can consider a compliment: I'm adept of irony, not open sarcasm, maybe you could have noticed this from my own articles (well, with some exceptions). Put this one at Pee Review as well. It may take some time until it's reviewed. If you're wondering why I'm not helping you with your articles step-by-step, well, I'm your mentor, not your critic. I know how can I be harsh when criticizing other people's works. But I will comment on other person's reviews you got from your articles. Just know you're doing fine, okay? Ah, and what about the fat chicks idea? I think this is more promising. -- herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 04:22, 13 April 2007 (UTC)
  • haha, i like the idea. havent actually gotten a chance to log since the other night since my internet was acting funny but i just got the article in. Im thinking there will be further edits to that one as i think of more funny ways to scare a girl off completely. anyway, i think my connection died just as i was entering it to be reviewed so ill go check. thanks Leatherboundbooks 02:31, 14 April 2007 (UTC)


That's What She Said[edit]

Hiya. You reviewed my article on Pee Review, and since you gave it such a good rating, I thought you might like to know it's a candidate for Featured Article-ness. Cheers.--Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 19:28, 16 April 2007 (UTC)

Your friendly field officer[edit]

Heya. I noticed you have moved this article to the main space. So, some things about HowTos:

  • Naming conventions: Uncyclopedia is case-sensitive. The HowTo part should be exactly like this, with the capital "T".
  • Naming 2: articles start with all first letters upper case. The article's name start after the colon, without space. So the correct name should be HowTo:Impress a Girl. Move it and put the old link at QVFD (unless there's something already pointing to it and you can't correct that linkage).

The following is optional:

  • Recent: edit the Template:Recent so people will know about your article. That's your right as an uncyclopedian.
  • Recent 2: as this is a howto also edit the HowTo:Recent for the same reason.

If you can do it with some discretion, you can mildly, ahnn, whore your article, that is, talk about it to other users. It's very unpolite - and NOOBISH - starting a topic on the subject, but you may tell your friends here or mention it on forums - if you think it fits the discussion. -- herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 02:39, 21 April 2007 (UTC)

  • Oh cool! I noticed HowTo:Run Away From Fat Ladies while adding mine to the recent page. nice! anyway i was thinking about making a sarcastic unnews article about a noob getting pwned and then crying about it, so he went to some forums and cried about it- so the giver of the pwnage decided he'd stop but of course to make it funny the article is going to have to take itself very seriously. only problem i can see to this article is that it may have been done before as it isnt the most original idea, i just think i can probably do it better. whatcha think?? Leatherboundbooks 00:03, 24 April 2007 (UTC)
  • atm my article is under UnNews:Noob Gets PWNED whats the unnews policy on reviewing? Leatherboundbooks 01:06, 24 April 2007 (UTC)
  • Same as for any article, place it under PeeReview. What I can say from now is that it's a nice article and it will surely survive. Maybe it lacks a spark big enough to send it to VFH, but be patient. I took me 7 articles and 5 months before my first featuring and I was lucky in finding an easy subject. Alas, Fat Ladies is in VFH in case you found it that funny. Don't give me a sympathy vote, vote if you find the article funny itself. Sympathy votes are common, but still dishonest. -- herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 10:50, 30 April 2007 (UTC)

Probable new page[edit]

  • I noticed there is no article on Stonewall Jackson yet, so Im gonna start a misinformation page under my user: area and will work on it little by little. Also, I could use some help on making info-boxes if you don't mind. Thanks! Leatherboundbooks 00:54, 25 April 2007 (UTC)
  • In its current state my newest article is sadly unfunny. If anything I was experimenting with templates and all, and made the most of the preview page button (I usually forget and end up making 10 consecutive edits) anyway, at this point im feeling relatively uninspired. be back later Leatherboundbooks 03:24, 25 April 2007 (UTC)

Assault rifle training[edit]

So you can't wait to kill some Krauts, dontcha? What, Japs? Okay, kiddo, here we go:

  1. QVFD - use for new pages that completely sucks. One-liners, vanity pages, kidspeak, internet-speak;
  2. ICU - use for new pages with a promising concept, yet badly done - ignore the "concept" for one-liners. They are always QVFD;
  3. VFD - for older pages that really sucks. It's a little complicated. You have both to put the VFD (template) at the page and open an entry for the article on VFD voting page. Watch out! Always look if there's a VFD "slot". They allow a maximum of 15 articles and will ban you if you add the 16th. (Now you are probably asking yourself: "there's a huge colorful textbox saying that at that page... who could be so stupid to ignore it?"... ahem...).
  4. Rewrite - for older pages that may have one or two jokes worth preserving or with a vital theme - no matter how stupid USA page could be, we just must have a page on USA.

Now reload... aim... -- herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 23:58, 27 April 2007 (UTC)

Oooooooh I understand now. Somehow we both ended up reviewing the same page for some reason. Thanks for the suggestion, earlier I thought the VFD thing was = NRV which, apparently, is no longer in use?

Anyway, thanks! Leatherboundbooks 01:09, 28 April 2007 (UTC)


I know your forgetful and sometimes forget to sign, But please try and remeber. If you leave a comment or give a review and don't sign you can sign staight after you give that comment. Ok little bro, I'm just making sure dad doesn't spank you.The preceding unsigned comment was added by That Guy Huffed Me (talk • contribs) --→☃☭Mr.Huffy☭☃← 03:50, 28 April 2007 (UTC)

haha, we're both adopted, our real parents don't love us enough ;-; Leatherboundbooks 05:08, 28 April 2007 (UTC)

John Madden[edit]

GoldenShower.jpg Rejoice, Leatherboundbooks! You have been entitled to the
Golden Shower Award
For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.

For a good Pee Review that actually gives ideas. Plus for saying good things about it (I've yet to give a Golden Shower to a person who gave me a sub-30 rating, but I digress). Thanks. I'll work on it.--Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 02:48, 29 April 2007 (UTC)

UPDATE-I have finished the rewrite (adding in all three suggestions) and I would like a new opinion on it (from you). If it's feature-worthy, you may nominate it, you have my permission. Just leave any comments on the talk page for John Madden (yep, I moved it).--Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 21:42, 29 April 2007 (UTC)


Okay, that involves a little g(r)eek coding. First, create your sig as a page in your user space: LeatherboundbooksTalkContributions. Edit it, adding images, changing colors and links. Feel free to steal code from other user's sigs, including mine. What you have learned from creating templates will work for sigs, but there's some weird coding for special effects, as linking from images or overriding the custom underline link. Hint: steal! Also don't use large images - the maximum height is about 14 pixels, elseways your sig will create ugly gaps between text lines.

When you're done, enter your "preferences" page (link at the top left corner). Mark the "raw signatures" checkbox and paste to "Nickname" box above:

  • {{SUBST:nosubst|User:LeatherBoundBooks/sig}}

Save these preferences. Voilá. Custom sig! Now you feel a little bit less n00bish. -- herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 11:05, 30 April 2007 (UTC) Insert non-formatted text here

Ahha! Case sensitivity ftl (Leatherboundbooks- no other caps apparently) Cool! LeatherboundbooksTalkContributions 00:08, 1 May 2007 (UTC)
Hmmm... just one nasty thing. The "Sir" stuff is reserved for the ones who got at least one featured article in VFH and so could sign their names to the Order of Uncyclopedia. Don't worry, you will get your soon and then using "sir" will make you far more proud. -- herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 04:47, 1 May 2007 (UTC)
Agh! I thought that was just for being a member heh. well ill remove it in a sec. LeatherboundbooksTalkContributions 19:57, 1 May 2007 (UTC)

Attention, soldier![edit]


(Salutes). Well done. -- herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 00:35, 3 May 2007 (UTC)

Ooooh. Out of rebellion against my adopter I just have to do one internal quote. Comon, its not so bad, they seem somewhat out of place otherwise. Anyway, thanks for all the help and good luck to you and your future adoptees. LeatherboundbooksTalkContributions 01:02, 3 May 2007 (UTC)
I reviewed your article just as I would have reviewed anybody else's article. That was just a personal opinion and the review was overall positive. Don't worry, I bet you will be knighted soon. -- herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 01:05, 3 May 2007 (UTC)


Dry Martini.png NeedABrain has awarded you a Dry Martini!
For voting on HowTo:Run Away From Fat Ladies

Everything goes easier after this.

-- herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 03:14, 4 May 2007 (UTC)


Are you crazy, man? You linked CS1987's talk page from your sig. Think I will demote you. -- herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 03:14, 4 May 2007 (UTC)

LOL. wow I forgot to change that part.

Ooh! and congrats on the feature!LeatherboundbooksTalkContributions 12:57, 4 May 2007 (UTC)

Cheers matey[edit]

Flours.jpg A Bunch of Flours!
For improving my UnNews article
Many thanks!


Thank You[edit]

Freeze, evil-doer!!!
Black & White Cookies.gif
You have be
some black an
For voting on The 
en awarded
d white cookies
Black And White Man
Now sing along: “Ebony, Ivory, living in perfect harmony!”

--herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 04:09, 7 May 2007 (UTC)


GoldenShower.jpg Rejoice, Leatherboundbooks! You have been entitled to the
Golden Shower Award
For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.

Thanks for the review on my UnNews article, I will now brood for a few hours deciding whether or not to VFH it. --Littleboyonly.jpg TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly.jpg 23:26, 7 May 2007 (UTC)

On your knees![edit]

(Man, this is quite heavy... don't worry, the cerimonial one has blunt edges)

Ho-hum. In the name of God, Saint George and Who Rules, be thou a knight!

Commander of the Order

(Ooops, sorry!... I din't mean to hit so hard. Did I hurt your shoulder?)

See, you're privileged. Most people here just stick that sir stuff to their sigs and place their names in Order of Uncyclopedia, nobody cares. Now raise and go kill some Moors! -- herr doktor needsAscalpel Rocket.gif [scream!] 18:19, 10 May 2007 (UTC)

I'm sorry? Did you say the MOORS? hahaha, no no my friend, you must be mistaken. It's the MOOPS! YES! that's what is says here! THE MOOPS! ~ 10:11, 11 May 2007 (UTC)


For the cookie, that is. It was absolutely delicious. I would give you one to thank you, but that would involve effort and template use, both of which I cannot possibly waste my time on at this moment. Plus, that would cause an endless chain of thank you's that would only terminate in one of the involved parties' deaths. Cheers!-Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 21:24, 10 May 2007 (UTC)

But is it rich Corinthian leather binding?[edit]

Hey man... I've never actively persued soliciting for VFH votes, but I'm about to get the Darwin rule for the third time (its a vicious beast). I figured that you liked Bowtie, maybe you'd dig Did I really move to LA?. I wouldn't mind some against votes, even; I just don't like stalling out. Thanks for your consideration buddy. :) --THINKER 00:04, 11 May 2007 (UTC)

That good huh? :( --THINKER 04:13, 13 May 2007 (UTC)
I was confused by the article, it seemed as if there was something I didn't get, dunno. Good luck though, I do like your other articles. LeatherboundbooksTalkContributions 13:52, 13 May 2007 (UTC)