User talk:NoNameBrand

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Pre-Rendered Welcome![edit]

The Balloon welcomes you!
Hello, NoNameBrand, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thanks for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left...Not that far, goddammit! ...Yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for nooblets:
If you read anything at all, make it the above two links, particularly the second one. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia, or need more help with something, try these:
If you feel like asking someone for help, feel free to ask me on my talk page, in the help forums, or on the Uncyclopedia IRC channel. With the forums and the IRC, keep in mind that the first response of the community is almost always general silliness. We are after all, a silly wiki, run by numerous silly, silly people. When you edit discussion pages, though, make sure you sign your name, using four tildes (~~~~) or the "sign" button (Button sig.png), above the edit box. This'll automatically produce your name and the date, and lets everyone know who the hell you are. Signing will also help you avoid the {{tilde}} template.
When you write articles, make sure you start with enough on the page so that it's not deletion-quality. If you must create a stub that you plan to expand on in the near future, use a {{WIP}} or {{Construction}} tag to mark it as a work-in-progress. However, if you leave a tagged WIP unedited for a full week, it'll wind up huffed. If the idea of impending deletion doesn't appeal to you, you should like I do, and start pages in userspace, first. This means making a page like User:NoNameBrand/Article about stuff. In userspace just about anything goes(save for the obvious no-nos, like shock pics or other stupidity), and you can build and rework your page(s) at your leisure. Once it's done, just move into mainspace, maybe getting a pee review at some point to get constructive feedback on your article.
For new users seeking help, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Browse our list of available mentors, and leave them a message on their talk page.
Lastly, and most importantly, have fun with it! As a comedy wiki, that's kinda what Uncyc is for. Enjoy yourself, and remember to never take anything anyone here says too seriously. We have serious moments, but generally we stay pretty laid back. Also, I'm not a bot. Just 'cause you saw a similar message on a bunch of other users' pages doesn't mean I didn't have to copy and paste this one onto yours with my own meatsack of a finger. Anyways, welcome to the machine! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon.gif(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 03:39, Sep 27

Article of the weak: "Swells Like Shit Award"[edit]

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Swells Like Shit Award.

The Swells Like Shit Award is exactly what it sounds like, or at least sounds cool enough to say. Founded by by Santa and Count Chocola, this award was to be given to Bat Fuck Insane users, yet ended up being used for music. Music that 'swells' the head and pains your bowels enough for you to 'shit' like fuck, hence the name. The awards were first given out by the spawn of Satan in 1929 and 1666, respectively, and were mostly made from bathroom sticks and used condoms. (Evil, isn't it?) The next year, the awards were improved by rigging hand grenades on the bottom. The awards include, 'Worst Performance', 'Worst Performance without Drugs', 'Worst Performance with Drugs', 'Best Fucking Losers in the Whole Damn Town', and 'I Cant Believe You're Still a Virgin'.


REASONS!!! This award needs no reasons. It is pure and divine, and to ask why it is here is just a fucking waste of your time. You have better things to do, like jerk off. If you need a reason, fine indeed, we shall give you a reason: Middle finger.JPG It is people like yourselves that keep going on Wikipedia and fuck this lovely website all to Hell. Shame on you, buttheads. Like you even care about these awards. I'm Sorry, I have a SERIOUS hormone problem. Maybe you can help me.


Hitler wins the 1939 Swells Like Shit Awards after beating Benito Mussolini 3 to 1.

This article awards started because a Banana went and Helped a certain Ducker to Pop their Banana out of sight, Fudge. Actually, FDR and Hitler where both film and music buffs. Yeah! They were really buff, m-m-good! Even though they were at war with each other, they still went to movie theaters in secret next to Poland, and watched such films like Fiddle Her On My Roof, Dancing with The Hot Foxes, Far Side Story, and Chasitybalaca. Hitler would laugh at the funny Jews and Darkies, while FDR complained about the amount of butter in his popcorn and almost got assassinated by local tourist and workers of the theater. After one movie, Plan 666 from Outer Pacemaker, Hitler suggested making an award for films that made them laugh so much, FDR said 'Dude, WTF?' and mentioned the shitty music around the '40s' era and how it is more important to note the music than the movies. Hitler said 'Oh, Yeah' and then put a gun next to his mouth. (He would die four years later)

However, not before FDR did. He quickly gained Award supporters and beat the living crap out of the U.S of A in a game of computer tennis. He stole the record and won the award.

“Hail Myself”

Juicy Facts about shit[edit]

Diagram of how this process works.

Nothing is really juicy about it, but OK. First, set up the kitchen and turn the oven on to Zero. Then, mixed 2 cups of Shit with Baking Soda and stir until brown. Secondly, add two cups of Baby's Mix Milk from China and put in blender until officially alienated by people forever. Blend until soft and swelling like a bomb and then add both of them together. Add some of John McCain's Attack Adds and sprinkle with sawdust and navel lint. Put in oven for about 4,000 hours, until it forms the shape of an idol. Then, take it out, worship it, pray forgiveness, and give it to the award ceremonies. (Because will kill you if you don't!)


The number of people who have won until Doomsday:


There names (the ones that are winning, Unlike YOU):

Endless list.gif

Losers, if you want to hear about them[edit]

Wildeboys lost the top seat to Madonna after she proved her virginity with her song, Your hot, Pam-Am.
Jews Stink!!!

Little obvious, don't you think?.... The loser of this Nice club are a bunch of crying bastards jolly, friendly folks. The people of this clan include, Jimi Hendrix, David Beckham, Peat Ross, also Are you single?, with I like your legs!, oh, yeah, wow-wow-wow!, give me a chunk of that Kit-Kat Bar.

A devoted fan of the Swells Like Shit Award is given a royal greeting.

“I didn't think I'd lose”

“Shit, I should 'ave gone back to mak'n babies”

~ Britany Spears



The Monkees were disqualified 14 times due to lack of audible lyrics, and apparently not because they were actually real monkeys.


“I'd love to stay a little longer”

The police at the ceremonies control the overly robust and Horny! active crowds with humane methods.

This article may or may not be

funny. Give us your opinion. No

wait! Better yet, just don't. Jesus is

crying from the last remarks and has

joined St. Peter ( a game of

poker). So please, No more losers.

We've had enough coming here.

Germans Suck!!![edit]


Nihilism.pngNihilism.pngNihilism.png....but this has nothing to do with this article.


And now, a word from our sponsors[edit]

Did you know…
That the first name actually put on one of the awards was only done in 1976 for Sid Vicious after he died of mass coolness.

New Brunswick, eh?[edit]

You from around there?  Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • elk cloner) 21:34 Nov 01, 2008

The Millennium[edit]

Hi there - mind if I ask what's with moving my article and adding all that stuff to it? I don't think the move helps it - it was featured under its current guise, so I think it's better if it stays there. Perhaps you'd be better off creating a new page with that name and putting your own content into it? That way you can create whatever you like with a lot less chance of being reverted. Just a thought. --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 09:03, Jan 22

Let me reiterate that, stay away from that page, you caused enough mess for me to clean and I hate cleaning after careless people. ~ 09:07, 22 January 2009 (UTC)

Award from UN:REQ[edit]

Thumbs up2.jpg

This user created Stockbroker, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles. Good for them us!
(for more information, see award statistics)

MadMax 17:13, 30 July 2009 (UTC)