User talk:The Thinker/Archive 1

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On recieving this relatively unprestigous award from an obscure user! Leatherboundbooks 05:23, 15 April 2007 (UTC)

GoldenShower.jpg Rejoice, The Thinker! You have been entitled to the
Golden Shower Award
For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.

err I now notice this is supposed to be for the reviewer, but hey, you donated an interesting article to an uninteresting place.

Eh, I think I used the Pee Star improperly too according to the Ninjastars page, so us obscure users are even. Thanks a bunch my friend!! :-D --THINKER 05:26, 15 April 2007 (UTC)


Hello, The Thinker/Archive 1, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for nooblets:

If you read anything at all, make it the above two links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (Button sig.png) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, or ask at the Dump. Again, welcome!  -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb.png (talk to me)

Regarding ICU

ICU isn't for sub-stubs like "Battle of Lexington." That stuff goes on QVFD. You can review our deletion policy here. —Major Sir Hinoa prepare for troublemake it double? 17:22, 9 April 2007 (UTC)

I think that's a matter of opinion based upon the QFVD guidelines, but noted. --The Thinker 02:26, 10 April 2007 (UTC)

Fair Enough

Ok. I get it now. Unrelated Guy. Consider me chilled. --Smrt-guy 17:57, 10 April 2007 (UTC)

No worries. Sorry if I came off snippy. :) --The Thinker 20:51, 10 April 2007 (UTC)


Just checking you know what you're doing. Put "{{subst:NOSUBST|User:The Thinker/sig}}" into the nicknames box in preferences. Then check the raw signatures box. After that, ~~~~ should produce THINKER and time stamp. Oh, and that picture is too big. I needs to be 12px high, sorry, but those are the rules. —Braydie 21:57, 10 April 2007 (UTC)

Well considering that several signatures currently stamped on the VFH page contain graphics which exceed 12px (some even moreso than my own), I'm not changing anything. If you need to press muscle on me for it so be it; I'll change when the rule applies to everybody. Thanks for your help with the preferences thing!! :) -- 00:45, 11 April 2007 (UTC)
He's been told. You should do what Braydie says before he hops on your shoulders, grabs onto your head, and sucks out an eyeball. I saw him do it. Now, if he does it again, I can only see it with one eye. *sob* --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 04:08, 11 April 2007 (UTC) I'll follow the rules when they're rules, not when they're selectively imposed upon me. Fairness: Pass it on! (A message from The Thinker Center for All-American American Family Research). -- 04:14, 11 April 2007 (UTC)
Okay, how about this then. If you do not make your sig picture 12px high, I ban you? Does that make the rules seem more real to you? -- Major Sir Zombiebaron GUNWotMUotMPotMAotMEGAEDMUPotMMAFEZotMIotMVotMUGotM (shout) 21:58, 11 April 2007 (UTC)
HA! Its sad that the comedy has to take a backseat to this bureaucratic posturing. Its also sad that my valid claim against unjust treatment is being totally overlooked in favor of said posturing. And finally, sad that you take yourself so god damn seriously, Baron Big Dick. I'll take the pic out of the sig altogether; it won't make you any less of an asshole, unfortunately. :) --THINKER 22:05, 11 April 2007 (UTC)
To clarify: I work on a number of wikis. I deal with a lot of asshole mods and lots of regulations. I come to Uncyclopedia to have fun, and junk like this is not fun. Its out of my sig now, can this issue be dropped por favor? We have articles that need funny. --THINKER 22:17, 11 April 2007 (UTC)
I don't make the rules, I just enforce them with my leather-clad fist. Normally I would just have changed your sig for you, but since the picture was off-site, I decided to take a diffrent approach. I also enjoy being called "Baron Big Dick". -- Major Sir Zombiebaron GUNWotMUotMPotMAotMEGAEDMUPotMMAFEZotMIotMVotMUGotM (shout) 14:08, 12 April 2007 (UTC)
Sorry, I get worked up sometimes (I was nervous Un was gunna start looking like this bureaucratic nightmare, See "opinions which aren't allowed expression"). I might try to get a different pic or something at some point if I can figure one that won't become a little pixel blob at 12px, but I'll just stick to the text until something comes along rather than trying to force it and having to reedit and/or waste more of our collective time. I do sincerely appreciate the help: no sarcasm implied. --THINKER 16:28, 12 April 2007 (UTC)

Welcome to UnNews

I liked the Henson article so much I read it for audio and put it up as Lead article. Nice work, and fun to read... well written, though... I suspect better than average education... watch it! No really, good stuff. rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 17:01, 12 April 2007 (UTC)

The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator, contemplating your fate.

Welcome to UnNews, The Thinker, and thank you for contributing some crap, or otherwise attracting my attention. For a quick introduction about how you can write a decent or better UnNews article, please take a minute read our spiffy new Style Guide.

I am your humble servant (in your dreams), and if I may be of help to you, please leave me a note on my talk page.

Good things that can happen to you

You can win awards and prizes! You can become a better writer by subjecting your articles to the scrutiny of UnNews critique machine or UnCanninator shit article detection system. You can become a thorn in the side of Journalism as a whole. You can get promotions, ribbons, and free crockery! You can write stuff your mom would be ashamed to show her friends.

What happened to my article?

If you've submitted an article, and it's disappeared, I may have mercy-moved it to your user space. This means I've probably left a message on your talk page, likely in close proximity to this very message, explaining why.

Your article may have been tagged for ICU if it has significant problems meeting our criteria, or I may have deleted it because you did not register as a user.

Finally, maybe you just pissed me off. I mean, I know I'm a Roshi, and I'm supposed to be all "Zen" about everything, but I have bad days too, you know?

UnNews Audio

If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.

UnNews UnFunnies

At present, I create UnCartoons for UnNews all by my onesies, for better or worse. Now, I will never claim that I am a good cartoonist. Fortunately, the internet provides us a way to do all sorts of things simply and easily. I found, a great site to create cartoons with a minimum of talent.

This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers! The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 17:38, March 28, 2010 (UTC) rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 17:01, 12 April 2007 (UTC)


Thanks for your kind words about my reading, and I'm so pleased you enjoyed having your article read by a putz. I must say, you did a great job with grammar, punctuation, and putting in sources and such. You just might be the next UnNews contributor to have their name added to the team. Cheers! rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 17:20, 12 April 2007 (UTC)

Image feedback

If I can, may I suggest that you seek out the opinions of others in the Potatochoppers Guild on your images? It might help with some of your VFP self Noms. Hugs, Dame PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 23:49, 14 April 2007 (UTC)

Eh, it isn't really that important to me. I don't really understand how some of the previously featured images got by and mine aren't, but its not a big deal. The noms were just an experiment really. I'll probably be sticking to UnNews. :) --THINKER 23:54, 14 April 2007 (UTC)
PS - I don't mind the Against, but if its due to the issues you stated in your comment, I think you're missing the point of the H&K chop. The Hitler one I should've known wouldn't fly on a Hitler-centric site such as this one, so that one is whateva. :) --THINKER 23:58, 14 April 2007 (UTC)
I regulary vote against Hitler images - they aren't funny unless they really do an excellent job of taking him into the theatre of absurd. So it isn't this image or you, but just about every one of them. Also, I regularly vote against articles about Hitler. For some reason people think that poking fun at him automatically counts as funny, which it doesn't. And again, we want you to succeed - and we'll help you if you are interested. Dame PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 00:10, 15 April 2007 (UTC)
Yeah, Hitler comedy is tough to pull off. Like a bandaid. On a hairy area. Hitler satire is a little easier. But still like a bandaid. --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 00:17, 15 April 2007 (UTC)
I don't find Hitler, or Hitler-related humor particularly funny myself.. I do think a merciless dictator as the sole supporter of my dinner vegetables is pretty funny, though now after the fact I realize that it doesn't stand alone that well, like MO discussed below. H&K I'll stick by, but not much, because I care more about my prowess as a writer than a chopper (mainly because writing comes easy to me, and photoshopping takes a bloody long time to do). If I do get heavier into it I'll go through the Guild and Reefer Desk now though. --THINKER 00:24, 15 April 2007 (UTC)

Damn edit conflict...And there's Reefer Desk, if you don't trust the guild. I don't. They're always stealing my jellybeans. Also, a tip for VFP; if you have to explain on what page the image belongs, it's not standalone. Featured images, for the most part, have to stand on their own, with out the support of friends, family, and pages. Featured images are pariahs, if you will, wandering from town to town saving innocent people from people who are bad. Or maybe that was the Hulk. Or Grasshopper. Hey! Someone stole my jellybeans! --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 00:03, 15 April 2007 (UTC)

Word, thanks, I shall consider these resources before exhibiting to the mad-dogged public. :-D --THINKER 00:06, 15 April 2007 (UTC)

The Bank

Well, I must clue you in about russian reversal... it's been very played out for at least 6 months now: I'd suggest deleting that. Also, FYI, Oscar Wilde and Chuck Norris are memes as well. That alone might get you an "unfunny". As for the rest, I can't really say specifically because I'm not a good writer, and my advice may actually be harmful, as well as illegal in 4 states of the US and all of New Zealand. I'd mess with it if I had time, but I've really got a lot going on now, and can't spare the time for a decent critique. Maybe some better writing, meaning a little work on the grammar, flowthrough, plot if any... etc... For what it's worth, I think it has great potential. Good luck, and cheers... rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 00:54, 15 April 2007 (UTC)

Yeah, I customarily delete Russian Reversals...that one was a holdover from the page's text before I overhauled it. Thanks for taking a look, can't wait for your next batch of audio!! :) --THINKER 01:10, 15 April 2007 (UTC)

Harold and Kumar

I love the image you currently have on VFP, think its very well done, just not sure its front page material, which is a shame. Keep up the great work though. :) -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb.png (talk to me)

Thank you, and I shall. Hopefully in the future they wont even be self-noms, hehe :) --THINKER 15:03, 15 April 2007 (UTC)

Your sig

What I noticed with your sig is that you seem to be using raw coding under your preferences. This means that when editing a page with your sig, finding where to start typing can be quite hard. Under the signature section in your preferences, please put {{SUBST:nosubst|User:The Thinker/sig}} and put the coding for your sig under User:The Thinker/sig. After you've done that, make sure to check raw signature under preferences. Thanks, User:Zerotrousers» >ZEROTROUSERS!!! EAT ME!!!! CRAZY PERSON! SMELLY!!! CREEPY!!!» 01:41, 16 April 2007 (UTC)

K. Last time I had it set this way it wouldn't display the text properly (it was showing the code itself rather than the formatted text), but it seems to be working now. --THINKER 06:50, 16 April 2007 (UTC)

Thank you!

Thank you for the grammar policing award. It's my first one so I feel cool. :D Mightywayne 22:18, 16 April 2007 (UTC)

No problem; I take my writing seriously (rereading things many time before posting, usually), so people who catch the errors I let slip are generally rewarded with diamonds, jewels, etc. I'm running low on those right now though, so sport your ninjastar with pride. :) --THINKER 23:20, 16 April 2007 (UTC)


Your news article has bestowed honour on my first attempt at an article(The Secret). Kudos. MaxMangel 13:47, 19 April 2007 (UTC)

Not a problem. My next article may involve polar bears, got any articles about them? :-D --THINKER 21:42, 19 April 2007 (UTC)


"Your work was THE good. Now it's THINKER good." How insulting! :)--THE 21:41, 23 April 2007 (UTC)

UPDATE:Holy Crap. I JUST realized that your THINKER'D template had one of those damn "insert name here" things in it. That really had me going for the longest time! Jeepers! How embarrassing!--THE 20:25, 25 April 2007 (UTC)
HA!! It's insulting enough with the that name thing when your handle isn't THE, but with, it takes on a whole new level of prickery :) --THINKER 06:53, 27 April 2007 (UTC)

I did not do Dane Cook

I did not write the Dane Cook UnBook. I love getting an award, but it should be for my work. Marshal Uncyclopedian! Talk to me!

Oh, my mistake. Sorry about that, I guess I was just happy to make a working template.. :) --THINKER 00:12, 24 April 2007 (UTC)


For doing what you did with my articles. You kept their spirit alive while adding funny stuff. I hope it was good before, but now it's better. That's what she said may even be ready for another VFH run (after Dane Cook gets done). I'd give you a Golden Shower Award, but it doesn't really make much sense. Thank you.--Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 23:09, 23 April 2007 (UTC)

Seriously, thank you for this feedback, and great foundations. I absolutely want to make sure that the pompous prick act is just that -- I really, really care about everyone enjoying every article, and of course, every single edit is absolutely negotiable. So yeah, I guess all these words add up to 'yer welcome' and 'thanks too' :-D --THINKER 00:32, 24 April 2007 (UTC)

Let's write an article!

Hey Thinker. I started an Article about UQG and Bog's collaboration. So far, it isn't much. It's only two sections long so far, and could definately use some of your input. Feel free to add anything you like to it and change around what's already there. let's write an article! --THE 19:18, 25 April 2007 (UTC)

I am not even going to read this until I can devote 100% attention to it (tonight), but I already know its a classic. The Bog knew it before I did, and before Moses ate the fruit in the garden of Steven. I've been thinking about my next effort for a while (gunna take a liiittle break from UnNews), and this it will be. UnFilms Presents! :) --THINKER
All right! This is gonna be quite the article when it's finished, I reckon. --THE 18:33, 26 April 2007 (UTC)
Okay, I did a little on Boggy's page, and some minor stuff on the new article to show activity. I might not be able to devote much time to editing for the next week or so, but I will be workinonit, and have made a heading on my userpage to prove it. Should be fun, hope I get some time off so we can do a good collab. :) --THINKER 06:58, 27 April 2007 (UTC)
Okay. Meantime, I'll make sure to make edits to the new page now and then to make sure nobody huffs it before we can finish it, and I'll also work on bringing the UQG page up to scratch. --THE 18:42, 27 April 2007 (UTC)
UPDATE:Okay, I've left a message in Famine's talk page about his huffing UQG. By the way, I've been banned for writing unrelated quotes in articles ("quotespam"), so I'm writing to you today from an IP address. Perhaps you should move Sex Seafood into your userspace until this whole thing blows over. That way, the article won't be huffed prematurely. Jeepers. This sucks. -- aka "THE". 20:29, 30 April 2007 (UTC)
I'm talking to Famine also on that page, hopefully we can establish a dialogue and get things back on track a bit. --THINKER 23:41, 30 April 2007 (UTC)


113-APTOPIX IRAN BRITAIN sff embedded prod affiliate 50.jpg Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has ordered the capture and release of another British sailor crew to celebrate this user's voting actions!

Your vote was much appreciated! --Sibley 12:02, 28 April 2007 (UTC)

you rock

small request

Like this? File:UnNews Goats boycott Sony in slaying protest.mp3 rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 00:41, 1 May 2007 (UTC)


Thank you very much for your vote. This month, do the right thing and vote for Spang. --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 02:28, 1 May 2007 (UTC)

This month, do the right thing and nominate me!!!111! hah, no problem man, you entertain. :) --THINKER 04:09, 1 May 2007 (UTC)

I'm Back!

I am unbanned, and what's more, UQG has been returned. Thanks for coming to my defense when I was banned, THINKER. You saved my life, and the UQG article, and you probably saved our collab, too. Looking forward to working on that collab more, it should be fun. Anyway, thanks again for pleading our case to Famine. So...where were we? --THE 21:29, 1 May 2007 (UTC)

Awesome, I'm glad everything worked out and we can get back on track with the greatest film of this century. I'm still going to be inactive for a little while do to my currently outrageous schedule, but once I have a few free hours I'll get to some decent edits. Good to have you back pal. :) --THINKER 18:11, 2 May 2007 (UTC)
Do you think we oughta move it to one of our userspaces? Cuz that way, you know, we won't have to worry about making minor edits every few days to avoid it getting huffed. Just an idea. Or maybe you could quit your job or stop sleeping so you could work on it. :D --THE 22:29, 2 May 2007 (UTC)
Eh, I mean its probably not necessary with the comment I made in my first edits, but if you'd feel more comfortable, by all means go for it.
And as for sleep deprivation, what do you think I'm doin' right now?! I should've been asleep about 3 hours ago now. Blame it on Un, blame it on The Truman Show, blame it on the Stoli... oy. :( hahh --THINKER 22:36, 2 May 2007 (UTC)
Oh yeah. I forgot about the comment that's already in there (I'm rather sleep deprived myself) --THE 22:43, 2 May 2007 (UTC)

Thank You

For nomming my Dane Cook article. It makes me feel loved and accepted and overall braggadicious (it is so a word!). Though we did indeed get robbed (and this message is about five days late), it has helped me become a better person (who is waiting until sufficient time has passed before he nominates his article again). Cheers.--Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 02:48, 4 May 2007 (UTC)

No problem man, I still really love that article. I really don't know how it didn't get put through when compared to some of the others that have made it to feature, but hey, that is what makes horse races, as they say. Nom it again, and I'll vote for it again no doubt. --THINKER 03:04, 4 May 2007 (UTC)

I will indeed. I'm making some new edits, so if you want to Thinkerfy what I add, go for it.--Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 02:32, 5 May 2007 (UTC)


Dry Martini.png NeedABrain has awarded you a Dry Martini!
For voting on HowTo:Run Away From Fat Ladies

Everything goes easier after this.

-- herr doktor needsAbeam Rocket.gif [scream!] 03:07, 4 May 2007 (UTC)


Newcookie.gif Trar has awarded you a cookie!
Now go play in traffic.

I'm giving out cookies. Hope you appreciate it. --Trar (talk|contribs|grueslayer) Icons-flag-us.pngMchammer.gif 00:11, 7 May 2007 (UTC)

I'm just randomly giving out cookies to everyone, out of sheer kindness. That is all. --Trar (talk|contribs|grueslayer) Icons-flag-us.pngMchammer.gif 00:16, 7 May 2007 (UTC)

Awesome. Thanks mate! --THINKER 00:17, 7 May 2007 (UTC)