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Rod Liddle (on the right) with his suspected father Boris Johnson (on the left). We don’t know who that doofus in the middle is supposed to be.

Rod Liddle Penis (usually shortened to Rod Liddle) is a second rate dumbbell demagogue who hates fruit. His recent program, broadcast on Channel 4, called “The Trouble With Apples”, was described variously as “biased, dishonest and about as profound as a pancake” and “the biggest piece of shit since Michael Moore ate the world’s largest whopper”. The program demonstrated how evil apples are by presenting statistics on the number of people who have died by slipping over banana skins.

As a last ditch attempt to save his career he created a second piece of shit called “The Trouble With Atheism” which was an even bigger flop due the insertion of even more logical fallacies and demagogic arguments than his first shitty program. Today he makes his living by pretending to be a Big Issue vendor on the streets of London.

Early Life[edit]

Rod Liddle was born in a low rent refrigerator box to a Russian prostitute with webbed feet. When his mother saw how ugly he was she screamed so loud that it caused an earthquake in Japan leading to the deaths of 12,000 people and a cleanup operation totaling $12 x 10345. This was the smallest of all disasters caused by Liddle.

Although the identity of his father is still unknown it is thought that he might be ex-KGB agent Boris Johnson. They have both worked as scribblers for the Spectator magazine. Boris’s scribblings on subjects such as the dangers of Yo-Yos and the taste of Crayola crayons often surpass articles written by Liddle, so we can’t be sure whether Boris is his father.

Just like people of similar worth he received his education at the London School of Economics and when he left he was promptly hired by the BBC to present their unbiased radio program Today. When it was decided he was too shitty even to show his ugly face and even uglier voice on the BBC he was kidnapped and thrown at the front door of the Spectator magazine's brothel in Manchester.

Career as a journalist[edit]

BBC[edit]

Rod Liddle’s original title was chief propagandist, but this title was changed to journalist when Joseph Goebbel’s corpse sued Liddle for bringing shame upon the term. Journalist seemed much more appropriate for somebody with the filmmaking acuity and honesty of Liddle.

When Liddle was kicked out of the LSE due to his habit of raping young boys in broad daylight in the car park he was kidnapped by the BBC’s recruiting goon and was forced to work on the Today program. This was intended to be broadcast on TV, but Liddle was so ugly that he caused camera lenses to shatter, often taking out people’s eyeballs. The Today program was transferred to radio and Liddle was forced to wear a paper bag on his head for the safety of the people he worked with.

Spectator[edit]

Liddle spent most of his time at the Spectator’s Manchester brothel as a male stripper wearing a balaclava. During the times that Boris Johnson forgot the route to work or accidentally ate his car keys Liddle was hired to write articles in his stead. These articles were so bad that they made Boris Johnson look like Geoffrey Chaucer.

Channel 4[edit]

In 2004 Channel 4 purchased a new supercomputer designed to simulate the conditions inside of a tokomak fusion reactor. This supercomputer was just about powerful enough to run a new piece of video editing software that could reduce Liddle’s ugliness to a point were he was just about suitable to be broadcast on TV.

Liddle produced a series of “The Trouble With…” programs in which he attempted to demonstrate the evils of apples, stamp collecting, ginger hair and atheism (in that order). The supercomputer calculated that each program was shittier than the last.

He was almost lynched by the world’s critics of TV programs for the shitiness of Liddle’s programs, but luckily for Liddle he is so ugly that the lynch mob suffered multiple heart attacks and died. Some members of the lynch mob were so repulsed that they barfed up their own pelvis bones.

Liddle eventually fled to London were he works today posing as a bum selling Big Issue magazines he fishes out of bins. The people of London are so ugly that even Liddle doesn’t stand out.