Vancouver Canucks

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File:Roberto-luongo.jpeg
Luongo just can't reach it :'(

“why Can we win everything But the cup? ”

~ concerned Canucker

“If we win the cup, I'll make out with Corey Schneider”

~ typical Canuck fan Response


The story of the Vancouver Canuscks begins when Lewis and Clark went on their expedition to find the Northwest passage. They Had to stop off in Canada and drop off their top prospectors. All these men had were Beer, Sticks, stones, weed, and Really thick ham that they called "Bacon". Eventually, these men turned into savages and inter bred with the female elephant seal that they found. The land that they settled in was named Vancouver, which is french for Never win a stanley cup. These Drunk idiots inter bred with The citizens of Montreal and Winnipeg. The Hockey world began when four Toronto drunks and four Drunk New Yorkers got together and dared each other to walk on a frozen Lake. These Men found some branches and a heavy Rock and started chasing it. This continued until they broke the ice. There were 4000 fights in that first game, which lasted 5 hours. After the good teams had been around for sixty years, the hockey world decided to shoot themselves in the foot and create a team that thought that they were amazing, but in actuality was as good at hockey as a special, blind, deaf, malnourished, Black kid. In 1982 the Elephant seal mutants took on the hockey world, but were torn a new one by the New York Islanders. Yeah I said Islanders. The Islanders started their cup streak. Oh! Fun fact The Islanders have more cups than Vancouver, Edmonton has more cups, Anaheim has more, Colorado has more, Toronto has more, and Boston has 6 going on 7. The idiots in Vancouver will never win a cup because they're the NHL's Choking Hazard team.

The year of Fire[edit]

June 2011. After crushing Montreal and Plilly. Boston Barely beat Tampa, but had a grand old time in Vancouver. There was a 4-0 massacre of Vancouver, in Vancouver. After the massacre there was a mass fire and riot. There scars haunted the Vancouver fans and made them crazier, so crazy that they doubled in size and had to be transported to the city of Winnipeg, where the Jets were reunited with the city. Just Let me say that any team name, "The Jets", already sucks because of their name. These Jets are the "take on all comers" team of the NHL. So when you visit the elephant seals up north, bring a lot of fire extinguishers and sunscreen.

Enemies of Vancouver[edit]

Boston Bruins, Calgary Flames, "bad ice", Good Calls, 1995, 2011, eskimos, Rare animal hunters, and AA meetings

Vancouver's keys to attempts of success[edit]

Corey Schneider, The Vancouver school for ice hockey diving, Luongo on the bench, Facing teams like: Buffalo, Minnesota, Edmonton, and Columbus., A lot of money, and Canadian refs.


http://beta.images.theglobeandmail.com/archive/01395/Luongo14_jpg_1395737cl-8.jpg The reason he lets so many pucks in is because they are very scary looking... nope he just stares them down too much